Who should pay?

Woolwich_Kim

Hi, long time no see.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma here and want some advice over something that's happened with me and my best friend. I'll list the events in order.

- My friend has been living in London for 12 years. She has come from the north of England, originally to escape abuse and to start afresh. I met her in London so didn't know her before this, we have been good close friends ever since and meet up on average once a fortnight.

- In her 12 years in London she has struggled financially and is quite often living hand to mouth but she does the best she can and doesn't ever ask to borrow money. Having said this though, it is my personal opinion that she spends more on luxuries than she needs to. If she cuts back or shops a bit more wisely she can save a little bit and build on it.

- Despite being broke, she has always been kind and thoughtful in buying birthday and christmas gifts. She does not spend beyond her means but even if it's just a card you can see she has spent time looking in card shops to find the right card.

- She has never been to a concert in her whole life and one of her all time favourite bands disbanded a few years ago but are doing a one off gig to mark a big anniversary.

- I thought it would be a nice treat to her to surprise her with tickets as a combined birthday and Xmas gift, as this is a one off gig and they are not likely to tour again. I check dates and ran them by her, asking her to select a date and keep it free for me ( I do not tell her where I'm taking her, just let her know I want to plan to take her out).

- She selects the date and I book the tickets. I booked about 2 months ago, the concert is in A couple of months time.

- She mentioned to me last week that she has a hen do this weekend in her home town. A close relative of hers is getting married.

- When I met with her this evening after she just got back from it, she tells me all about the hen party. I ask her when is the hen actually getting married. She says in a couple of months time but does not remember the exact date. I say to her "I hope it's not dd/mm as you said you'd keep that date free for me". She has forgotten which date she kept free for me, she checks her phone diary for that date and all she had put in there is "keep free for Kim".

- When I got home, she sends me a text saying she has just checked the wedding invite and it does happen to be on 'my date'. She apologises and asks can I get a refund on whatever it is I booked.

- I knew the answer was no but I double check with ticket agent which confirms once tickets are booked, it is not refundable or exchangeable unless ticket protection was purchased. This ticket protection was offered as an optional extra at the time of booking but as we had confirmed a date, I didn't opt for this. Besides, there were a lot of t&c's to it and it looked like you only get a maximum of 75% back if you cancel 12 weeks or more (anything from 2-12 weeks was 25-50%), so it didn't seem a good deal anyway.

- I tell her what it is I had booked for her and explain the above situation that it was not refundable or exchangeable and remind her that I did book (& bypassed the protection option) based on her word that the date (that she selected) is reserved for me. She feels guilty and offers to find another friend to go with me and will get them to buy her ticket from me.

I feel let down and quite angry although I know she did not do this on purpose. Now, the way I feel and the questions I am asking in my head are these:

- The tickets were nearly £100 each.

- This is not a band I like and not a concert I would have wanted to go anyway. I was willing to go with her so if she does find a friend to take the place, I would still be paying for myself to see something I don't really want to.

- What if she or I don't find someone to take her place? she has not offered to pay me the money if this was the case, although I do feel confident that she would offer in the end.

- If nobody wants to take her place, I do not fancy going alone especially as I'm not much of a fan of this band anyway so I am wondering would it be right to ask her to pay back for both tickets and not just her own?

gettingtheresometime

This is a toughie as the date of the wedding is not something that she has any control over.

I'm just wondering how the organisers would know that it wasn't you and your friend attending if you did manage to sell them?

-taff

Sell the tickets.

Georgiegirl256

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

- If nobody wants to take her place, I do not fancy going alone especially as I'm not much of a fan of this band anyway so I am wondering would it be right to ask her to pay back for both tickets and not just her own?

No, it is not. You say yourself she hasn't got much money, so as well as (IMO) it being quite a cheeky thing to do, it could also mean the end of your friendship if you peruse her for the money or indeed make her feel so guilty that she has to find money she can ill afford.

You say she struggles financially, and lives hand to mouth, and you want to land her with a bill for £200?! :eek: I can't believe you are even asking the question.

It's a lovely thing you have done for her, but also, a close relatives family wedding is going to come first (usually) and it sounds like the date of the wedding wasn't known when the tickets were booked. These things happen and unfortunately plans do have to change. It's bad that she is having to let you down and that you are stuck with these two tickets, but it sounds like she is truely sorry and is doing everything she can to help sort it out.

Surely you can sell the tickets on easily enough?

missbiggles1

If this is a one off and a big deal, I doubt you'll have any problem selling them on - perhaps even at a profit.

How close a relative is the bride to be?

toniq

Use viagogo and sell the tickets, for £100 i'm guessing it's a well known group, You could probably get more than ticket price, just see what everyone else has them for sale at and underprice by a fiver from their prices and they should sell easy.

fierystormcloud

I think this has been a hard lesson for you. But imo you have no right whatsoever to ask for the money off this girl.

Which band is asking £100 a ticket?! I don't know many acts who charge this much...And I go to a LOT of concerts.

If someone asked me if I wanted to go with them because their friend had let them down, and they wanted £100 for the ticket, I would laugh at them. I wouldn't pay that to see anyone.

I think you should maybe give this girl a wide berth... What, she only knew about the hen party 2 months before it? If this relative is that close, then she would have known the date AGES ago. Well the wedding would have been announced ages ago, so ergo, she would have had an idea of when the hen party would be.

Sounds like you care about her a lot more than she cares about you.

Sorry. But that is how I see it.

Try and sell your tickets, but if not, then you will have to write it off as a loss, and think twice before doing this next time. Upshot is; you can't trust many people. But you have no right to ask this girl for the money.

Wellyboots6

If it were me I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her for the money.
It was a very kind gesture of yours, and sound like she would really have appreciated the surprise had it all worked out.
You say she is thoughtful usually, so I expect it has ask been a genuine mistake and clash of plans which is noones fault.
As others have said, you could probably sell the tickets easily enough. If she knows anyone that wants them then it is a bonus, but I wouldn't rely on that.

Woolwich_Kim

The wedding date was set before I brought the tickets. When I ran the concert dates by her and she selected that date, it slipped from her memory that it was the same date as the wedding.

The hen party was re-arranged (originally planned for late sept) so that it can take place during summer holidays and more hens who had children can come. It is her step sister who is getting married (I've never met any of her family) and I do understand this wedding takes priority or that things can crop up no matter what plans you have. But I feel disappointed especially she knew of the wedding date so really this situation could have been avoidable.

Tickets are not £100 each but nearly. I have been concerts and theatres before and if you want stall tickets then that is average price (for the ones I've been to anyway). In fact, I have paid more before. The last concert I went to I paid £135 for standing tickets, the seated ones were under £200 - this was for Queen with Adam Lambert.

With regards to her not having much money, I mentioned I believe she has room to save. She moved to a new flat this year (private rent) and it's a flat with resident gym & concierge service. She has also recently had sky tv installed. That to me is a luxury that's not necessary but it is her choice & not my place to tell her how she should spend (or cut back on) her money. What she pays in rent each month is 3x my mortgage repayment. But she does struggle to buy new clothes, and going out to restaurants or other leisure hence never been to a concert before.

jm2926

Asking her to keep a date free for you does not make her liable to pay for ticket(s) for an event she knows nothing about. Sell the tickets.

fierystormcloud

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

The wedding date was set before I brought the tickets. When I ran the concert dates by her and she selected that date, it slipped from her memory that it was the same date as the wedding.

The hen party was re-arranged (originally planned for late sept) so that it can take place during summer holidays and more hens who had children can come. It is her step sister who is getting married (I've never met any of her family) and I do understand this wedding takes priority or that things can crop up no matter what plans you have. But I feel disappointed especially she knew of the wedding date so really this situation could have been avoidable.

Tickets are not £100 each but nearly. I have been concerts and theatres before and if you want stall tickets then that is average price (for the ones I've been to anyway). In fact, I have paid more before. The last concert I went to I paid £135 for standing tickets, the seated ones were under £200 - this was for Queen with Adam Lambert.

With regards to her not having much money, I mentioned I believe she has room to save. She moved to a new flat this year (private rent) and it's a flat with resident gym & concierge service. She has also recently had sky tv installed. That to me is a luxury that's not necessary but it is her choice & not my place to tell her how she should spend (or cut back on) her money. What she pays in rent each month is 3x my mortgage repayment. But she does struggle to buy new clothes, and going out to restaurants or other leisure hence never been to a concert before.

Kim, regardless of how much money you assume she has to spare now, you CHOSE to spend that frankly rather frivolous and extortionate amount of money on 2 concert tickets, for a band you seemingly do not even like.

You are going to have to suck it up I'm afraid. You have no recourse. Put it down to experience, and do not make the same mistake again.

I have known people in relationships of up to 4 or 5 years, and the one partner spends several hundred pounds on the other for their birthday or Christmas and then that partner dumps them soon after. They thought they had the right to the money back that they have spent on their partner for their birthday the week before. (And in some cases, people even assume they can get the money back for everything they have ever bought them!) They were gifts, they had no right to get the money off the person they bought them for. Like you have no right to get two hundred quid off this girl.

I can see you are very upset and bitter and angry, but you have no right to this money back.

Go on Judge Rinder if you want, but I don't fancy your chances...