Ex Date Won't Give Me MY Money Back! Advise please

prowla

If the messages made it clear it was a loan, then he owes the money.
How to get it back is the question...

chucknorris

Fraise wrote: »

Do you need a credit agreement and licence to loan someone money? I have it in black and white where he asked me for the loan. Just because we were in the first throes of a relationship at that time, it doesn't mean he didn't try to deceive me and get money off me with the intention of not returning it. That to me is theft.

You should definitely take him to the small claims court, when I first did this (suing a tenant) I was a little apprehensive, but the process was so easy and also inexpensive. Even if you don't get the £1,400 back (but I reckon that you stand a good chance of doing so), you will at least force him to live with a CCJ against him.

Fraise

Candyapple wrote: »

One thing I would say is you mention he turned on the charm and used his looks to hoodwink you, and then you go into great detail slating his looks and character assassination. Regardless of how you met him, granted it wasn't on a dating site like most of these con men, or that he wasn't ugly, simple fact remains is you knew him for 6 weeks and even though you stress you knew him so well and spent all this time together and have all these identifying details like you have his passport number and know where his parents live, you still gave him over a grand, however much spin you put on it being due to early morning, sleepy etc. That is something that you will need to look at introspectively. Different con men use different tricks to dupe women but the bottom line is still the same; once the money is in their hands, good luck seeing or hearing from them again or getting a penny back. As you've found out to your detriment, all that time you spent on the phone to him, all the favours he did you amounted to the same thing; he was buttering you up to get your money. It just doesn't make any sense otherwise why he would send you texts after calling you crazy and blocking you. I won't comment anymore on your state of mind, it's clear from your posts that you are angry you got duped.

Quick question - how did it go from him asking you to pay money into a car auction site account to you paying money directly into his bank account?

If you know where his parents live, have you thought about turning up and explaining what their son has done and that you won't take the matter further as long as you get your money back?

Have you spoken or seen him at all since you sent the money?

I never slated his looks. I said thought he was vain for colouring his greying hairs and bleaching his teeth, when they looked perfect to me. He's an extradorniraly handsome man, and it's made him big headed. Then again, I'm not too shabby, either...so people tell me....but I'm not vain.

I never slated his character, either. I said he was charismatic, friendly, likeable, great fun, warm, interesting....he had everything going for him. But when He asked me for £1400 my feelings changed and I queried his intentions. As one would.

I don't need to get all deep and look at it introspectively . I made a mistake. Whoops. One mistake. Not because I'm in some weird "place" filled with insecurities and self-doubt. I made the mistake because I was dog tired, moody, half asleep and my iPad was laying next to me. I don't need to book six months counselling with some airy fairy person to ask me what my inner feelings are..I know what they are. I don't need paying to be told I made a one off mistake lol!

As for you saying he devoted about, say, 100 hours phoning me, another 400 hours taking me out, seeing me, dining with me, bringing me expensive wine, flowers, perfume (he even got me gifts from duty free on his return which I still haven't got, but he showed them to me by phone) driving me to the coast, hours and hours and hours in bed together.....on the sofa....you get the gist, I'm sure....oh, and arranging his friends to do cheap jobs for me (decorating and gardening) including doing work around my house, electrical, terrace, bathroom, door locks, car etc...if, as you suggest, he saw that as a means to an end, why didn't he just do the jobs and Bill me? So that doesn't make sense, either, does it? Working almost flat out for six weeks for £1400???

The trouble with you is you don't read through people's posts properly. And then you mention their state of mind, when all they are is naturally angry. Which, pssst, happens to be NORMAL. People get angry when they've been fooled or duped. Maybe you've been duped so cleverly you don't even know it!

You've also twisted the texting/blocking thing. We were having an argument by text whilst I was waiting to see my GP...he didn't just say I was crazy for no reason. It was midst row. My posts on here are long enough as it is, but I didn't want to put every single detail in my first post and write a thesis......

Yes, he closed his hotmail account after I sent him an email accusing him of being a thief, but he knows as well as I do that I have many ways to get in touch with him. It's easy. He's still actually on my Whatsapp I've discovered, but since I sent the letter to him I don't contact him. I just want my money back.

In answer to your last questions you'll see them in my previous posts....

Candyapple

Is he from East London by any chance?

Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying you've never been to his house in the whole 6 weeks you were together? So how exactly do you know he lives where he says he does (at his parents house)?

Let's assume he was a genuine guy, I don't understand why after all the 'amazing' things he did for you, all the quality time you spent together and plans you had talked about for the future, why after when you gave him the money, would he do a disappearing act? Especially if you have all his details barring a vial of his blood and can track him down. Can you explain his complete 180? This is a guy who has met your daughter, was going to go on holiday with you later in the year. What changed between Friday morning and Friday afternoon (I know you mentioned you had a row but surely couldn't have been that bad to break up over)?

Kernow666

i loaned my ex the money to buy a car 5yrs ago on the understanding she would pay me pack monthly but 3 months later we split up and i havet seen anything since

Vectis

So, if you have the evidence that this was a loan (as you say you do), why have you not sent a letter before action and then issued a MCOL for the amount owed?

You know his name and where he lives, so what's stopping you?

What else do you need to do? What's the delay?

Fraise

Vectis wrote: »

So, if you have the evidence that this was a loan (as you say you do), why have you not sent a letter before action and then issued a MCOL for the amount owed?

You know his name and where he lives, so what's stopping you?

What else do you need to do? What's the delay?

If you read my posts you'll see that I HAVE written him a letter, scroll back....

I DO have the evidence it was a loan...he wrote it in a text :-)


Hope that's satisfied your curiosity.

Fraise

Kernow666 wrote: »

i loaned my ex the money to buy a car 5yrs ago on the understanding she would pay me pack monthly but 3 months later we split up and i havet seen anything since

Wait on then...she's clearly no intention of repaying you back if 5 long years have passed.

Vectis

Fraise wrote: »

If you read my posts you'll see that I HAVE written him a letter, scroll back....

I DO have the evidence it was a loan...he wrote it in a text :-)


Hope that's satisfied your curiosity.

God, you're touchy!

So, take him to Court to repay it, it's a really simply process. Really, what else are you expecting people to tell you?

But I guess that will elicit another sarcastic reply!

Fraise

Candyapple wrote: »

Is he from East London by any chance?

Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying you've never been to his house in the whole 6 weeks you were together? So how exactly do you know he lives where he says he does (at his parents house)?

Let's assume he was a genuine guy, I don't understand why after all the 'amazing' things he did for you, all the quality time you spent together and plans you had talked about for the future, why after when you gave him the money, would he do a disappearing act? Especially if you have all his details barring a vial of his blood and can track him down. Can you explain his complete 180? This is a guy who has met your daughter, was going to go on holiday with you later in the year. What changed between Friday morning and Friday afternoon (I know you mentioned you had a row but surely couldn't have been that bad to break up over)?

You said in your last post that you weren't going to comment anymore...whatever, no, he isn't from East London.

In answer to your first paragraph where you say "Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying in the whole six weeks you were together you never went to his house?" May I remind you that you previously said six weeks was such a short time to get to know anyone...so why do you expect that I must have been to his house?

As it happens, yes, I have been there. Twice. And?

And, yes, I DO know he lives there.

Why are you asking me these probing questions? I came here to ask advice about getting money back..not to be cross examined by someone who clearly has too much time on their hands.

but as you're so intrigued, I can tell you categorically that he does indeed live there, as his parents do, and the house belongs to them. I know that for fact. I have no need to explain to you how I know...and may I suggest you chew over your previous advice telling me to seek counselling, and ask yourself why you're SO interested in a stranger you've never even spoken to in your life?

I never said he did "amazing" things for me (though he was VERY attentive) I merely stated and pointed out how he'd treated me. To give you background, which you'd asked me for.

I don't know you, and I have no idea if you're married, in a relationship, or a spinster, but MOST women know when a man fancies them...you know, their eyes melt and sparkle and they're over you like a rash...you must have experienced that.

I feel your questioning is taking this thread off track. I wasn't asking for relationship advice: I asked for advice on how to get money back that's owed to you.

In response to your last paragraph where you asked why the sudden change, I'd have thought that was abundantly clear to you in my first post.....


As it happens, he didn't do a sudden U-turn on the Friday morning.....he called and texted me whilst he was abroad and also asked if I'd paid the car auction site. By the Thursday evening, after I'd made excuses why I hasn't paid into it, he was downbeat and said I didn't trust him. He was upset and said had I told him I wasn't prepared to pay it he'd have made other arrangements.

He then sent me two emails when he arrived home in the early hours of Friday saying I'd let him down.

It was only when I saw his emails after hearing my phone bleep that I awoke and responded..and that's when we spoke on the phone. I was tired, drowsy and not thinking clearly as he spoke on the phone and asked me why I hasn't refused in the beginning. He WAS in a fix, I know that, and I felt bad for letting him down and mistrusting him...and so I forwarded the money directly into HIS bank account....which proves how tired I was, as the money should have gone directly to the auction site.

But this is all pedantic: the FACT is, he asked me for a loan, and I eventually forwarded the money to him, and then he went into a massive sulk and hasn't returned it.

He did say he would give it back to me, even when we later argued on the phone and he accused me of being untrusting and crazy. But he hasn't paid it back...and actions speak louder than words....

I admit I'm shocked that he could do this...he must be a fine actor to have kept up such a pretence for six weeks...and he didn't even know the car existed until the weekend before he went abroad for 3/4 days, so I'm confused too....my friends think he's actually genuine, but if he was he'd pay me my money back!