Ex Date Won't Give Me MY Money Back! Advise please

Fraise

Not sure if this is the right board for my question, but here goes...

I foolishly loaned a new so-called friend £1400 and almost immediately realised I'd been duped. More fool me for loaning it, I know.

Story is:

Hadn't known him long (met him through eBay when I phoned him to do a delivery job for me). We started chatting (there was an attraction) and dated over the course of about six weeks. Spent hours and hours chatting on phone, texting etc, and felt like I knew him really well.

He was flying abroad for three days on a so-called business trip (no longer believe one word he told me) but I do know he flew away as I booked the ticket for him. JUST before he was boarding his flight he sent me a text message asking me for a SMALL favour. Could I please pay £1400 into a car auction site, as he'd bid and won a car on it (he also deals in secondhand cars). I was put on the spot and taken aback that he'd be so cheeky to ask for such an amount, but he said he'd repay me in cash when he returned on the Friday.

My instincts told me not to pay for the car, and so I made excuses when he text me in the week to see if I'd paid it. I said it wouldn't go through.

Friday morning he sent me two emails accusing me of not trusting him and said he was now without a car (which I believe was true). We spoke on phone and he played the "oh you said you'd pay it, now I'm without a car".....I was still half asleep as this was 7 in the morning, and he played the guilt card on me. Cunning and crafty. So, without even having a coffee I opened my iPad, went to online banking, and transferred £1400 into HIS bank account. Soon as I hit the SEND button I knew the word MUG was flashing on my forehead. But I was tired, confused....and despite doubting him I did actually like him and was hoping I was being overly suspicious.

Didn't hear a peep out of him all day, so text him late afternoon AFTER it had dawned on me he'd promised to pay me back that very day! What an idiot I am! He replied by text, insulted me, said I was crazy in the head, not normal, and then simply vanished. With my money!

He closed down his Hotmail account (though I still have his business one...if it still works), he deleted me from his Facebook (he's now blocked me for added measure even though I never messaged him), I think he's blocked me on Whatsapp (can't tell with that, really, but he hasn't read my texts), he obviously didn't reply to my call to his mobile etc...and he took down his removal listing on eBay (he's been a member for 10 years with good feedback, and I believe he's now advertising his services on his brother's eBay account. When I twigged it was him (and sent him a message telling him so) he IMMEDIATELY removed the listing...so, of course it was him.

To add insult to injury he's advertising a car on eBay under his own account where he was listing his removal business, and in the description has said he is selling to upgrade. That's effectively my car!!

I know his address and home number, he's not far from me, so I sent him a Pre Court Claim letter giving him 14 days to respond and pay me my money. Haven't heard a peep. Oh, I also contacted police, as I believe he set out to scam me. After all, what man sends a text to the woman he's recently started dating, just HALF AN HOUR before taking off on a plane asking her to transfer £1400 to a car auction site, with the promise they'll repay you back in cash in four days time?

He could have got a train and collected the car on the Friday..or asked his family to pay for the car. This was a ruse in my opinion, and the police agreed, but said to try the civil courts as I might stand more chance of getting my money back.

I have the reg number of his work van (his asset) and according to him he was completing on a flat that week too. But being such a liar I have no idea if that's true or not.

I'm furious that he fooled me, and I'm not normally dopey, but he turned on the charm and uses his good looks to his advantage. The weird thing is, despite him being vain (he colours his greying hair black like his natural colour)', buys copious amounts of bleaching products for his teeth on eBay and wears Creed aftershave even though he appears skint all the time, he actually puts his height down! He told me he was 6"1" but he's actually 6"3"......not sure why he lies about that!

Sorry I've rambled on, but I want that money back off him. He's stolen it as far as I'm concerned, and it takes me all my willpower not to drive round to where he lives and put a nice big message on his car that he has for sale!!

He has until Monday to respond, and I know he won't, so that means I will have to go through the civil court. Which is a pain. And knowing him he probably will ignore the summons, or not sign for it.

Any suggestions on what I could do, please? :mad:

cakeforbrains

Ugh! What a nice chap.

I have no suggestions in terms of getting the money back. You're probably doing all that you can do in that regard.

I would say, though, that you need to give yourself a break on this one. Not only have you had money duped out of you, but you're dealing with a break-up/rejection too. That has got to smart. You no doubt feel like an idiot, but you need to be your own friend here and remind yourself that we all susceptible to being swindled in one way or another. He is in the wrong here, not you.

I don't know the process of a civil court, but I think you need to make sure that you're looking after your mental health so maybe it would be good to set yourself a review point; if in, say, one month from now, this issue is still taking up too much of your head space then maybe you should drop it. It's cost you £1400 to find out what a creep this guy is. It could have been more.

Make sure you confide in friends/family. Get some support on this. Distract yourself. Have some fun. Meet some other men casually - whatever floats your boat. Although, next guy, maybe keep your bank balance to yourself for the first few weeks.

Good luck!

Candyapple

Have a read of this thread and heed the advice, you need to go back to the police and take advice from a solicitor.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5214988

Also, you are very similar to the OP in that thread, the only difference being she lost over £30k. [Text removed by Forum Team]

Fraise

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Ugh! What a nice chap.

I have no suggestions in terms of getting the money back. You're probably doing all that you can do in that regard.

I would say, though, that you need to give yourself a break on this one. Not only have you had money duped out of you, but you're dealing with a break-up/rejection too. That has got to smart. You no doubt feel like an idiot, but you need to be your own friend here and remind yourself that we all susceptible to being swindled in one way or another. He is in the wrong here, not you.

I don't know the process of a civil court, but I think you need to make sure that you're looking after your mental health so maybe it would be good to set yourself a review point; if in, say, one month from now, this issue is still taking up too much of your head space then maybe you should drop it. It's cost you £1400 to find out what a creep this guy is. It could have been more.

Make sure you confide in friends/family. Get some support on this. Distract yourself. Have some fun. Meet some other men casually - whatever floats your boat. Although, next guy, maybe keep your bank balance to yourself for the first few weeks.

Good luck!

Thanks for your advice - it's very good advice too.

However, I want my money back, it's as simple as that. I'm possibly more annoyed with myself for being such an idiot, I can't think what was going through my mind when I clicked onto my bank!

Yep, I am keeping busy (can't not, actually) but every so often it pops up in my mind what an utter ask hole he is. He definitely planned to swindle me, I'm convinced of that. He planned it on the day he was flying, possibly before.

He's obviously experienced with women and knows how to turn the charm on. He should go into acting, as he can even make his eyes sparkle when he looks at you! I'm usually quick on the uptake and can spot a cheat a mile off, but I'm guilty of not listening to my instincts with this one.

Without wanting to blow my own trumpet, people tell me I am attractive, and after my divorce I've had lots of opportunities with the opposite sex. It just annoys me that I ended up fancying a nasty thing like him! You're right, I do feel rejected, and even that is weird as he was all over me like a rash at one point, and he seemed to find me attractive...(some things men can't fake, if you get my gist....) Then again, maybe he was just highly responsive. To be honest I don't care what's in his head, and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole now...even though he has got movie star good looks and a wide flashing smile....underneath those looks lies a rotten slime ball.

Fact is, I want my money back and it wouldn't matter who I'd lent it to.....it was a loan which HE asked for. And I want it back.

I can't believe people can get away with things like this....:mad:

Daerve

Candyapple wrote: »

you need to go back to the police

No, she doesn't.

It's a civil matter and the police can and will do absolutely nothing about it.

This will have to be pursued by the OP through the civil courts.

cakeforbrains

People like to think that they could never be played or swindled, but we're all susceptible to it to a greater or lesser extent.

Candyapple

Daerve wrote: »

No, she doesn't.

It's a civil matter and the police can and will do absolutely nothing about it.

This will have to be pursued by the OP through the civil courts.

Not if like the OP has explained that he appears to be a conman. It would be classed as fraud, hence police.

Some examples in post #105
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5214988

stator

Go to court ASAP before he moves. Hopefully he won't turn up in court, it gets awarded against him by default. Then you can start the process of sending in the bailiffs.

Marktheshark

No credit agreement and no money lending licence.
Not a strong case.

Gordon_Hose

stator wrote: »

Go to court ASAP before he moves. Hopefully he won't turn up in court, it gets awarded against him by default. Then you can start the process of sending in the bailiffs.

Which all costs money and there is still no guarantee of getting any money back. Could be throwing good money after bad.

ReadingTim

stator wrote: »

Go to court ASAP before he moves. Hopefully he won't turn up in court, it gets awarded against him by default. Then you can start the process of sending in the bailiffs.

That's a great idea in theory, but all of this costs time, energy and money, with little chance of recovery, especially if he simply decides to ignore it and/or do a runner.

By all means start the process, but there's going to be a time after which you're throwing good money after bad, and much as it might pain you, you're better off letting it go.