Ex Date Won't Give Me MY Money Back! Advise please

Fraise

Vectis wrote: »

God, you're touchy!

So, take him to Court to repay it, it's a really simply process. Really, what else are you expecting people to tell you?

But I guess that will elicit another sarcastic reply!

I'm not being touchy at all. I just find it wearying when you ask a specific question, giving all the background, and then someone (such as you) pipes up with accusation type tones, clearly having not assimilated what I wrote in my original post.


You accused me of not being proactive. And asked me why I hadn't sent him a letter...when I I'd already said in my OP that I had. You obviously haven't read it properly....

MABLE

No help but years a go I loaned a so called friend £600 and he never did pay it back. When challenged he said he thought i was soft to loan it in the first place. Now lesson learned and never loan money to anyone.
Easiest way to lose a friendship.

daytona0

I'm going to keep this short because you're rightly going to be fuming about the whole issue which has happened to you but....

Fraise wrote: »

In answer to your first paragraph where you say "Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying in the whole six weeks you were together you never went to his house?" May I remind you that you previously said six weeks was such a short time to get to know anyone...so why do you expect that I must have been to his house?

Couples generally share intimate parts of their lives with each other, and their respective houses is a good place to start. If he didn't take you back to his within 6 weeks then a red flag should have gone up. Not enough to end the relationship, but something to be mindful of.

As it happens, yes, I have been there. Twice. And?

And, yes, I DO know he lives there.

Good! so you can follow the court process and get a resolution (as explained by others on here). Maybe you can also go and speak to his parents etc and advise them of the issue. MAYBE his family aren't crooks, and MAYBE they'll help you.

Why are you asking me these probing questions? I came here to ask advice about getting money back..not to be cross examined by someone who clearly has too much time on their hands.

I imagine they were just trying to get a clear picture of the whole thing so that they could offer alternative information which may have been missed.

but as you're so intrigued, I can tell you categorically that he does indeed live there, as his parents do, and the house belongs to them. I know that for fact. I have no need to explain to you how I know...and may I suggest you chew over your previous advice telling me to seek counselling, and ask yourself why you're SO interested in a stranger you've never even spoken to in your life?

Yea well, not being funny but counselling isn't necessarily a bad thing to recommend. From what I can gather you have just been duped for a large sum of money by someone you should not have trusted so much! There were one or two red flags knocking about.

Also, the fact that you formed a relationship over the phone in a business transaction suggests emotional attraction between you and him. The fact that you paid the money suggests emotional obligation. If you do it again then you're going to be in a much bigger mess!

Gotta consider whether your whole dating approach is working for you, as you cannot simply have this situation happen again. Of course, I don't know you so cannot recommend counselling based on your internet posts. Only recommend that counselling isn't all bad if you are able to identify any recurring themes in relationships. Hopefully you don't need this, and the whole issue here is a one-off life lesson!

I don't know you, and I have no idea if you're married, in a relationship, or a spinster, but MOST women know when a man fancies them...you know, their eyes melt and sparkle and they're over you like a rash...you must have experienced that.

Yea, but how on earth did you know that his eyes melted and sparkled when you were initially speaking to him on the phone?! :rotfl:

I feel your questioning is taking this thread off track. I wasn't asking for relationship advice: I asked for advice on how to get money back that's owed to you.

Well, I'd be hopeful that this is just a one-off for you! BUT people will give you relationship advice here, because if you go on to do the same thing a couple of years down the line then you are screwed. In a way people giving you relationship advice are merely trying to prevent you from doing it again!

In response to your last paragraph where you asked why the sudden change, I'd have thought that was abundantly clear to you in my first post.....

Yea, he promised to pay you back Friday but on Friday he was still asking for the money, and then you cottoned on and went sick at him (I doubt you were very friendly after that realisation!). I think it doesn't help adding in lines and lines of text. The problem is relatively simple to resolve. LBA then court action if you have the proof. Nothing more to it than that.

which proves how tired I was, as the money should have gone directly to the auction site.

That's quite silly, and not a get-out excuse.

But this is all pedantic: the FACT is, he asked me for a loan, and I eventually forwarded the money to him, and then he went into a massive sulk and hasn't returned it.

This could have been the content of your first post! All the baggage gets picked up on, so that is why you had people prying a bit (it also helps to create a background). You can't post about your rubbish relationship experience without getting some comments about your relationship choice!

As it happens, either try and speak to his parents or get the court action going. He has ignored a letter before action which actually suggests a lack of desire to pay it back (a sulk for most normal people only lasts a few days!)

He did say he would give it back to me, even when we later argued on the phone and he accused me of being untrusting and crazy. But he hasn't paid it back...and actions speak louder than words....

Then don't talk to him, get the court action going! Why allow this to rumble on by not taking him to court? Are you emotionally attached to this guy or something?! Sod him! No paretner or ex of mine would ever be so disrespectful to me (my exs are all nice people)!!

I admit I'm shocked that he could do this...he must be a fine actor to have kept up such a pretence for six weeks...and he didn't even know the car existed until the weekend before he went abroad for 3/4 days, so I'm confused too....my friends think he's actually genuine, but if he was he'd pay me my money back!

You are absolutely right. Sod your friends, they aren't the ones sitting there without 1,400 pounds in their bank. Genuine my bum!

Just think, if you hadn't have called this guy in the first place (initiation of contact) then he would have been faced with the car problem WITHOUT you being there! What would he have done? Maybe he'd fleece some other person. Maybe he'd stump up some of his own cash? Maybe he'd just forget about the car?

robatwork

I think you (OP) should write a gritty drama. You have something of a gift for flowery description - I was almost there in this house of your Ex's parents.

Channel 4 or 5 are probably your best bet.

I would watch it.

dacouch

I'm guessing he either met someone else and / or was annoyed at you not loaning him the money.

Neither are acceptable reasons for his actions but I know a few guys like him and that's how they roll

Candyapple

Clearly you don't understand sarcasm

So judging by your dates, day 14 of him having to respond to the pre court claim letter is this Monday, does that mean you sent him the pre court letter around third week of July? So him stopping talking to you happened circa mid July?

If he was genuine, 3 weeks is ample time to have paid you back. Also, what grown man in his 40s throws a strop to that extent? Is this extended lack of silence on his part supposed to teach you a lesson or something? :rotfl:

I don't understand how your friends still think he is genuine if he has treated you this way. He supposedly owns a business/es (delivery man business via eBay? selling/buying secondhand cars) has purchased or is about to purchase a flat, has business associates you've met so clearly he is paying staff wages as well, so why so hard up for such a small amount of money?

It doesn't really add up. The only logical conclusions are;
1. He is mentally unstable and has thrown the biggest strop but will pay up either if/when you visit his folks and he is embarrassed, or will pay up as soon as you send the proper court papers; the long wait period supposedly to teach you a lesson in trust(?) and to inconvenience you/being spiteful

2. He's a chancer/conman


What do you plan to do on Monday if he still hasn't responded? Are you going to visit his dad first or just go straight down the court route?

photome

Popcorn ready

Fraise

daytona0 wrote: »

I'm going to keep this short because you're rightly going to be fuming about the whole issue which has happened to you but....



Couples generally share intimate parts of their lives with each other, and their respective houses is a good place to start. If he didn't take you back to his within 6 weeks then a red flag should have gone up. Not enough to end the relationship, but something to be mindful of.

Actually, if you read my posts, you'll see that he did take me round to his house. However, I disagree with you that potential lovers should inspect each other's places of abode within six weeks of meeting...that isn't always possible, nor should it be necessary in just six weeks. But as it happens, he did take me to there...l






Good! so you can follow the court process and get a resolution (as explained by others on here). Maybe you can also go and speak to his parents etc and advise them of the issue. MAYBE his family aren't crooks, and MAYBE they'll help you.




Yes, it is good! I CAN follow the court process,Y although only a minority have explained it to me on here. Some others have seemed more interested in the relationship.....

MAYBE his parents will help me, and I'm sure they aren't crooks.




I imagine they were just trying to get a clear picture of the whole thing so that they could offer alternative information which may have been




"What information could they offer by asking questions personal questions which have no true bearing on the facts? The only person with inside knowledge is ME. But I haven't asked for information on his character...I've asked how to get my money back. What ALTERNATIVE and worthy information do you think a stranger could provide by asking me details of my relationship with this man? I never asked for a rundown on his character (I don't need it from a stranger) I asked how to retrieve my money.





Yea well, not being funny but counselling isn't necessarily a bad thing to recommend. From what I can gather you have just been duped for a large sum of money by someone you should not have trusted so much! There were one or two red flags knocking about.




Well, if you think one needs counselling over a loan they lent to someone, I'm somewhat staggered. We aren't talking houses here, we're talking of just £1400k. Big in some ways, but not so big I need tranquillising and therapy. Not sure what red flags you're referring to, but the ONLY one was when he texted me from the airport...and at that time I didn't pay the money.




Also, the fact that you formed a relationship over the phone in a business transaction suggests emotional attraction between you and him. The fact that you paid the money suggests emotional obligation. If you do it again then you're going to be in a much bigger mess!


No, we never formed a relationship over the phone. Once again, you haven't read my original post. We first SPOKE on the phone after I contacted him to do a job for me, but it was only when we met face to face in the flesh, that there was an immediate attraction between us both. These things happen sometimes...

Yes, it became an emotional attraction quickly, but that was due to us seeing each other so regularly and spending so much time together. Of course I wouldn't give him a bean again....it's silly to even suggest that.



Gotta consider whether your whole dating approach is working for you, as you cannot simply have this situation happen again. Of course, I don't know you so cannot recommend counselling based on your internet posts. Only recommend that counselling isn't all bad if you are able to identify any recurring themes in relationships. Hopefully you don't need this, and the whole issue here is a one-off life lesson!


Regarding my dating approach, I don't have one. I only split with my partner of 10 years a few months ago (and I met him immediately after my divorce), so I'm not looking for a man at this time.....I like my space and enjoy being free and single. I have men who ask me out on dates (not on dating sites as I don't belong to any), but I've never taken them up on their offer. It was just sheer chance that I needed a job done and called this man, and sheer chance that he turned up on my doorstep and our eyes locked. Like they say, you don't find a person by looking for them...it happens by chance...and by chance he turned up. I admit he was incredibly handsome and had a terrific physique (tall, broad etc), and it was pure physical attraction. Likewise, he told me some time later that he too was bowled over when he saw me, and I did notice him staring at my eyes when we met, but I felt flustered at the suddenness of it all, and gave him the cold shoulder at the beginning.


Yea, but how on earth did you know that his eyes melted and sparkled when you were initially speaking to him on the phone?! :rotfl:


I never said his eyes sparkled on the phone...I said (again, READ MY Post) his eyes sparkled and melted when we LOOKED at each other. YOU KNOW? When we looked at each other...


Well, I'd be hopeful that this is just a one-off for you! BUT people will give you relationship advice here, because if you go on to do the same thing a couple of years down the line then you are screwed. In a way people giving you relationship advice are merely trying to prevent you from doing it again!


Don't fret about me. I'm no pushover and this a ONE OFF. I don't need relationship advice....I'm experienced and worldly, thank you.


Yea, he promised to pay you back Friday but on Friday he was still asking for the money, and then you cottoned on and went sick at him (I doubt you were very friendly after that realisation!). I think it doesn't help adding in lines and lines of text. The problem is relatively simple to resolve. LBA then court action if you have the proof. Nothing more to it than that.


Yep, done all that. All in my previous posts....sent LBA. Have STACKS of written proof of him asking for a loan, including bank proof. I have enough ammunition to have a firework party afterwards.....



That's quite silly, and not a get-out excuse.



This could have been the content of your first post! All the baggage gets picked up on, so that is why you had people prying a bit (it also helps to create a background). You can't post about your rubbish relationship experience without getting some comments about your relationship choice!



Who said the relationship was rubbish? It was actually fantastic...until he asked for the loan. We had a BRILLIANT time together, got along fabulously, enjoyed each other's company...it was all wonderful. Besides that, he was passionate, hot-blooded and loving, and could barely keep his hands off me...and forgive me for being personal, but his excitement was such that he had to restrain himself.....I'm sure you know what I'm getting at...and within a fairly short time he was excited all over again. I'm not a man (lol) so I'm not sure why or what that means, but he was certainly eager...and he was VERY experienced too. Perhaps that should have been a red flag?.....




As it happens, either try and speak to his parents or get the court action going. He has ignored a letter before action which actually suggests a lack of desire to pay it back (a sulk for most normal people only lasts a few days!)


I shall speak to his dad. I actually think his sulk is not a real sulk now...he's just thinking I will cool down and things will slide. No way would he want court action. But I'm not giving in.


Then don't talk to him, get the court action going! Why allow this to rumble on by not taking him to court? Are you emotionally attached to this guy or something?! Sod him! No paretner or ex of mine would ever be so disrespectful to me (my exs are all nice people)!!



The court action is starting next week.


You are absolutely right. Sod your friends, they aren't the ones sitting there without 1,400 pounds in their bank. Genuine my bum!


Well, you know how some friends think...they assume I'm smart ( and I'm not an idiot) and they know some men find me attractive, so they probably think it couldn't happen to me...but they're wrong.

Just think, if you hadn't have called this guy in the first place (initiation of contact) then he would have been faced with the car problem WITHOUT you being there! What would he have done? Maybe he'd fleece some other person. Maybe he'd stump up some of his own cash? Maybe he'd just forget about the car?

No idea, and nor do I care..l just want my money back. Friends have asked me what i would do if he turned up with it and then tried to rekindle things, but NO WAY would I entertain him again. You only get ONE chance with me.....

Fraise

robatwork wrote: »

I think you (OP) should write a gritty drama. You have something of a gift for flowery description - I was almost there in this house of your Ex's parents.

Channel 4 or 5 are probably your best bet.

I would watch it.

I just might do that!

I'll recoup my money that way....and Mr Vain will have egg on his face....people will soon discover who he is.

jonesMUFCforever

Christ War and peace was shorter than post #59.

If she ever gets hold of him she will be on Crimewatch for sure.