In-laws Problem!

Money_maker

Which probably explains why your GF is not invited out to places with her parents and little sister. Your GF is obviously viewed as part of a unit of 2 and an adult.

Cant help feeling that you moving in with her parents changed her families' dynamics and the problems she has are partially related to this.

Well done to her mum for taking you in anyway but remember that you are adults and therefore you are expected to behave as such. If the house is not quiet enough then find somewhere else to go.

Bite your tongue and either move out to your dads or keep your mouth shut.

lostinrates

We've lived with family, I hope my input helps.

Tlg1991 wrote: »

I live with my girlfriend in her mum and dads house she has a little sister age 12 who gets everything she wants. all the while my girlfriend doesn't even get an invite when they go out to places together [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]the little sister is twelve. Its important in this living environment she get some good quality family time with her parents without a non relative there. The empty house also gives you GF time to work uninterrupted/ have alone time with you. Most living with parents couples LIVE for these times! as do the family breathe a bit of relief when the couple go out I expect. [/COLOR][/COLOR]and all kinds of things like that the list is endless which annoys me but i bite my tongue. [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]However families relate might be difficult to accept. It might be something to voice to your GF, probably not while she is doing finals, but not to her family and certainly not while you are the beneficiary of their generosity,
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Me an my GF are moving out before the end of this year hopefully into our first house but at the minute she is finished her last 3 weeks of uni work and is in a mad rush to get it finished. She asked her mum if she could lay of inviting her little sisters to come over and sleep over all the time for the next few weeks just until she finishes the work she needs to do as when her little sisters friends come everyone is at work and its my GF who has to look after them all.[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]No, she doesn't. She closes the bedroom door and puts head phones on. They knock if they need something important. If she were in halls she would also be studying with noise going on, or living in student land houses, or non quiet areas. At twelve kids should be reasonably self sufficient, but a bit noisy.
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anyway her mum came and told us last night her sister was having friends over so they will be in the house, she left and i saw my GF getting upset and she never listens to her. i couldn't bite my tongue any more so i said rather loud so her mum could hear "go and tell her then, why does nobody listen then everyone !!!!!foot around things"

[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]You were rude and inappropriate. I think you are lucky the parents are tolerating you staying after this. I think you owe your gf's mother an apology, despite your concern which is admirable.[/COLOR]my GF went outside to ring her nan to see if she could stay at hers the following day to get work done in peace and her mum came in and started having ago at me. im fine with it it doesn't phase me but today my gf rang me up in tears saying her nan had been down calling her selfish and slagging her off. [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]What else do you both contribute to the household?[/COLOR]

Im in two mind weather to just leave it and try and be the only person to support my GF to get this work done as she want to give up, but at the same time i want to go around to her nans after work on my own and tell her to get both sides of a story before slagging people off and try supporting there grand daughter. I have seen her mum manipulate stories before to turn people against my GF and she also the type of person that cares more about other people thinking she has a perfect family rather than spending actual time with her family.

sorry for the long post but i've had enough, its me my GF comes crying to when everyone else S**ts on her with sly digs about work/weight/friends everything.

why are you staying if things are so intolerable? Make you saving ambition smaller, and move into alternative living accommodation.

Your post does not cover in which ways you both contribute to the house hold at all. This may have bearing on how the family feel.

It might ease tension in the household ( and thus on your GF) if you move out until you can afford to stay together, even if that's not your preferred course of action.


It can get tense living in others' weird dynamics, you see more of the ways in which people who seem nice enough are flawed, and they in turn see the ways in which we are. But, its important to behave as near to impeccably as possible even under provocation, and a marvellous preparation for life I think, one develops patience never had before!

Tlg1991

Money_maker wrote: »

Which probably explains why your GF is not invited out to places with her parents and little sister. Your GF is obviously viewed as part of a unit of 2 and an adult.

Cant help feeling that you moving in with her parents changed her families' dynamics and the problems she has are partially related to this.

Well done to her mum for taking you in anyway but remember that you are adults and therefore you are expected to behave as such. If the house is not quiet enough then find somewhere else to go.

Bite your tongue and either move out to your dads or keep your mouth shut.

My GF told me she has always been like that leaving her out before i was anywhere on the scene.

i completely understand im in someone else's house and that's why i have bit my tongue for so long but there is only so much anyone can take of someone crying every night because she feels like shes the third wheel of the family so to speak. her mum throws money at her and shes tells her she doesn't want her money she want a mum but its like talking to a brick wall.

But i get everyone response i will keep my mouth shut support my gf when shes crying every night as she slowly slips back into depression because her mum doesn't want to know her for no reason what so ever.

Missyhenry

Mupette wrote: »

would you expect him to be free childcare? what about his job, the mother has the responsibility to raise her kids not him or his g/f

Why not - he's practically family and probably getting a good deal on his accommodation.

Tlg1991

On another note to this her little sister came and apologized to me on her mums behalf because even she can't stand her mum and also her mums husband also shouted at the mum because he was sick of so many kids being at the house all the time. so its not just me and my girlfriend its literally the family. her sister wants to be alone most of the time but her mum forces friends to come as she is obsessed with her having LOADS of friends and being popular.

Fireflyaway

Could you have an interim measure until the house is ready? Rent a double room in a shared house? You could find somewhere for professionals rather than students so hopefully it will be quiet and kept in good order. At least that would give you some peace.

I guess her folks see her as an adult, especially with you living there. You are an adult couple and they probably see her as wanting independence where as a 12 year old still needs looking after. Could be nothing more than they have different needs because of their age. She is bound to feel a bit left out with a sister so much younger who still gets a lot of attention.

Just be there to support her and bite your tongue with her family. You will be out of there at some point so don't ruin the future because of the difficulties now.

Guest101

Tlg1991 wrote: »

On another note to this her little sister came and apologized to me on her mums behalf because even she can't stand her mum and also her mums husband also shouted at the mum because he was sick of so many kids being at the house all the time. so its not just me and my girlfriend its literally the family. her sister wants to be alone most of the time but her mum forces friends to come as she is obsessed with her having LOADS of friends and being popular.

So she, rightly or wrongly, is supporting her daughter through depression by encouraging relationships with friends?

Tlg1991

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Could you have an interim measure until the house is ready? Rent a double room in a shared house? You could find somewhere for professionals rather than students so hopefully it will be quiet and kept in good order. At least that would give you some peace.

I guess her folks see her as an adult, especially with you living there. You are an adult couple and they probably see her as wanting independence where as a 12 year old still needs looking after. Could be nothing more than they have different needs because of their age. She is bound to feel a bit left out with a sister so much younger who still gets a lot of attention.

Just be there to support her and bite your tongue with her family. You will be out of there at some point so don't ruin the future because of the difficulties now.

i completely understand what you have said that they see her as an adult now and i said that to her myself, but it doesn't matter if your child is 12, 24 or 50 if they turn around to you asking to spend more time together going out for something to eat or walk how many times does it take to be mentioned before its listened to. her mum is off work every Tuesday on goes out to see an old boss she had instead of spending time with her daughter. especially when shes suffered with depression.

Unfortunately every penny counts towards the mortgage we are getting over the next 3 months or so. i never wanted to move in their it was her mum who told me to so we could save for a house faster. maybe another ploy to get rid of her daughter.

Mupette

Tlg1991 wrote: »

I pay rent and i buy all our food and cook for me and my girlfriend. her family doesn't cook as they have microwave meals and mcdonalds every night. They don't essentially pay for my GF as i pay for everything for us.

Missyhenry wrote: »

Why not - he's practically family and probably getting a good deal on his accommodation.

the g/f has only a few weeks left so she can finish her work, sounds like the mother and father are very selfish, but seems like they been treating her bad for years.

Reminds me of someone i know whose first born wasn't the right sex (not a religious thing just preference), her second child was the right sex, she never cared to show the same love to child one as she lavished on child two, she then when they were teens decided to have child 3, spent years pleading poverty etc, and demanded they babysit, perfect timing for child one with their exams, when showing off child 3 to me, looked over to child one and said i won't make the same mistakes i made with her, child 3 is spoilt brat who throws tantrums gets what she wants, the only escape for child one, as soon as she was 18 fled to the other side of the country, and the only time she has contact with her parents is if she makes the effort to call, mother won't, too busy with child 3

fairy_lights

Tlg1991 wrote: »

I live with my girlfriend in her mum and dads house she has a little sister age 12 who gets everything she wants. all the while my girlfriend doesn't even get an invite when they go out to places together and all kinds of things like that the list is endless which annoys me but i bite my tongue.

Probably because her sister is a child and needs looking after, whereas your girlfriend is a full grown adult with a relationship and a life of her own.
Are you buying or renting the house you're moving in to? Either way, if the situation is so bad you have other options like renting a room as lodgers.
If your girlfriend needs peace and quiet to study why doesn't she just go to the library?