In-laws Problem!

skattykatty

OP - I think I get it more now. It sounds like you needed a place to vent. Knowing that you have made the choice to stay put until you can move out, doesn't actually make the living with it all any easier.

As for what you can do for your girlfriend - you're doing it. You're giving her a listening ear, you are supporting her and you are giving her hope for change in the near future. The rest is up to her. I think that's the most difficult aspect of relationships - wanting to take away someone else's pain. You can't. But how wonderful for her to have you by her side. These times of transition, when the next step is so close, yet so far, are really really challenging so you need to look after you and support your girlfriend to look after herself as best she can too.

duchy

I think you just need an attitude adjustment

You have the mindset that you are paying rent and with that comes certain entitlements but you aren't renting - you are paying a token amount to stay there as if you were family and with that comes certain responsibilities to be an active family member -which includes not expecting the household to revolve around your needs and expecting to help with housework in the common areas, cooking the odd meal for everyone not just the two of you and certainly not disrespecting the householder who is allowing you to stay for peanuts.

I suspect if you did those things you'd find the atmosphere would be far more pleasant and your future inlaws wouldn't be so difficult and more co-operative as your better attitude makes them not feel you are just taking and making unreasonable demands.

If however you want the privileges of a tenant -then go be one somewhere else....if you don't remind yourself they are doing you both a favour and put up with it for six months- Your choice.

ognum

duchy wrote: »

I think you just need an attitude adjustment

You have the mindset that you are paying rent and with that comes certain entitlements but you aren't renting - you are paying a token amount to stay there as if you were family and with that comes certain responsibilities to be an active family member -which includes not expecting the household to revolve around your needs and expecting to help with housework in the common areas, cooking the odd meal for everyone not just the two of you and certainly not disrespecting the householder who is allowing you to stay for peanuts.

I suspect if you did those things you'd find the atmosphere would be far more pleasant and your future inlaws wouldn't be so difficult and more co-operative as your better attitude makes them not feel you are just taking and making unreasonable demands.

If however you want the privileges of a tenant -then go be one somewhere else....if you don't remind yourself they are doing you both a favour and put up with it for six months- Your choice.

I agree with a lot of what you say but in this instance I think you are being a little aggressive to a young man who has come here to get advice so he can support his girlfriend, work. save and buy a house so they can have a home together.

I applaud the OPs efforts, well done, keep going and in six months it will all be over you can choose who to have in your own home and find peace.

I understand your need to stay where you are and continue to save for he future, You have been given plenty of good advice:

Library
Headphone to cut out noise
Ignore
Discuss
Deep breathes
Shut the door
Keep the peace
Go out
reflect over past life
Don't ecpect a change
Keep your girl friends spirits up
Don't argue
Look to the future.

Asks I said keep saving, keep the peace and well done for your efforts to support your girlfriend.

mellymoo74

I agree with Ognum, would also state I know tongue biting can be difficult keep the 'its only for x months as a mantra in your head'