In-laws Problem!

fairy_lights

Tlg1991 wrote: »

her mum is obsessed with begin stick thin and image my girlfriend is a size 12 and her sister is stick thin also. her mum always has digs about her weight and laughs when she attempts to do something about it to put her down.

Well if it's so bad, and your girlfriend is in tears every night because of it, why on earth haven't you moved out?
You can complain about how unfair it is until the cows come home, but at the end of the day you are two adults who have the option to leave if you're not happy.

duchy

If you are both paying rent and buying your own food-Why not rent somewhere now instead-even a room in a shared house now exams are over.

No-one is forcing either of you to live there

Tlg1991

fairy_lights wrote: »

Well if it's so bad, and your girlfriend is in tears every night because of it, why on earth haven't you moved out?
You can complain about how unfair it is until the cows come home, but at the end of the day you are two adults who have the option to leave if you're not happy.

Because we wanted to buy a house and saving for a deposit and all the rest of it for a first time buyer isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. and why should my GF be made to feel like she doesn't belong there in her own FAMILY home.

Tlg1991

I am actually pretty surprised by the response on here. people telling me to just support my GF and get them to talk it through, thats what i did in the first place i told her to go and talk to her mum instead of getting upset and bottling it up and her mum over heard and jumped down my neck i didn't argue back i just told her mum to go and speak to her daughter who was crying.

If this was any other situation for example between friends or a couple it would be classed as bullying or mental domestic abuse which im sure there has just been a law passed for couples that go through this. but as it is a family situation its brushed under the carpet and you get told to get on with it.

I came looking for support in terms of what to do with her mum turning other family members against her as she gets on with everyone else. my GF keep optimistic that the mother daughter relationship will get better when she moves out but i personally can't see it happening.

Mojisola

Tlg1991 wrote: »

Because we wanted to buy a house and saving for a deposit and all the rest of it for a first time buyer isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. and why should my GF be made to feel like she doesn't belong there in her own FAMILY home.

You can't change other people - they've been like that for years and aren't going to change because someone else thinks they should.

You can change how you interact with them and control the amount of time you spend with them.

The environment sounds quite toxic. The sooner you can both get out, the better. In the meantime, limit how much contact you have. Your GF should find places outside of the house where she can study in peace.

Once you are settled in your new home, she could ask her GP about having some counselling/CBT to get rid of the baggage her mother has loaded on her.

Guest101

Tlg1991 wrote: »

Because we wanted to buy a house and saving for a deposit and all the rest of it for a first time buyer isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. and why should my GF be made to feel like she doesn't belong there in her own FAMILY home.

So how can you be moving in October to buy a house when your girlfriend is still a student and your still saving for the deposit?

Presumebly you dont have an AIP with a lender, nor have you actually paid for any of the checks.

As for the rest - because she has a dysfunctional family - welcome to the club.

Gavin83

I really don't understand what you expect people to say. Yes her parents are being unreasonable but there isn't much you can do about it as it's their house. You need to decide whats more important, your girlfriends happiness over the coming months or being able to buy the house when you wanted to. It's not a great choice but thats what it comes down to. Her mum likely won't change (as I'm sure you're aware of) and there is nothing you can do to stop the behaviour.

As for turning other family members against her all you can really do is get her side of the story across and maintain contact. If they choose to side with her mum there is little you can do about that either.

Guest101

Tlg1991 wrote: »

I am actually pretty surprised by the response on here. people telling me to just support my GF and get them to talk it through, thats what i did in the first place i told her to go and talk to her mum instead of getting upset and bottling it up and her mum over heard and jumped down my neck i didn't argue back i just told her mum to go and speak to her daughter who was crying.

If this was any other situation for example between friends or a couple it would be classed as bullying or mental domestic abuse which im sure there has just been a law passed for couples that go through this. but as it is a family situation its brushed under the carpet and you get told to get on with it.

I came looking for support in terms of what to do with her mum turning other family members against her as she gets on with everyone else. my GF keep optimistic that the mother daughter relationship will get better when she moves out but i personally can't see it happening.

No there hasnt been a new law passed - it's been the same law for quite a while. Mental abuse has been a buse for quite some time.

I just dont believe your story. Sorry.

Your paying rent there, so it would be the same as renting a room elsewhere. Your buying a house, but havent got the deposit.

It's all starting to smell abit fishy.

Tlg1991

Guest101 wrote: »

So how can you be moving in October to buy a house when your girlfriend is still a student and your still saving for the deposit?

Presumebly you dont have an AIP with a lender, nor have you actually paid for any of the checks.

As for the rest - because she has a dysfunctional family - welcome to the club.

We have actually got the mortgage fully approved valuation paid and all that cleared. and offer has been accepted and things still need to be saved for when we move in, furniture and such. i am fortunate i have a very good well paid job especially for my age. like i said the only thing we need to wait for is the current people to move out, if they was moving out tomorrow we are ready to move. but we can't waste money on living somewhere for 3 months because of this pathetic situation.

lostinrates

Tlg1991 wrote: »

Because we wanted to buy a house and saving for a deposit and all the rest of it for a first time buyer isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. and why should my GF be made to feel like she doesn't belong there in her own FAMILY home.

Because life doesn't work like that. Safely you cannot fix dysfunctional relationships, unless both sides try, and proximity often makes them worse. Its not her own HoUSE, even if it is the family home, and in the family home one must abide by the family rules, if they are that the littler girl has friends over, for example, so be it. It does seem that your GF is not being as resourceful about studying options for example, as she could be. This could be because she feels hurt and is digging her heels in a bit, but.....its only herself and you it will be hurting the most.