In-laws Problem!

ognum

Tlg1991 wrote: »

My GF told me she has always been like that leaving her out before i was anywhere on the scene.

i completely understand im in someone else's house and that's why i have bit my tongue for so long but there is only so much anyone can take of someone crying every night because she feels like shes the third wheel of the family so to speak. her mum throws money at her and shes tells her she doesn't want her money she want a mum but its like talking to a brick wall.

But i get everyone response i will keep my mouth shut support my gf when shes crying every night as she slowly slips back into depression because her mum doesn't want to know her for no reason what so ever.

This response is very childlike.

You have moved into the home of a dis functional family, you will never sort them out. There is never no reason why thing relationships break down. There is always a reason but it may be far in the past. maybe the Mum had postnatal depression and didn't. Bond with your girlfriend as a baby, there are so many reason, you just don't know them.

Your responsibility is to your girlfriend, if she is suicidal really and not just saying it for effect then she needs help, you and her need to establish what the truth is.

Tour girlfriend then needs to understand that she is an adult not a child. She needs to look maturely at her relationship with her family and understand it won't change unless she changes because the others are not going to.

I congratulate you on your wish to move out, maybe you could reflect on whether there is somewhere else you can both live until your new home is ready for occupation, this may be the first step to a new, different relationship with her parents.

ViolaLass

Guest101 wrote: »

So she, rightly or wrongly, is supporting her daughter through depression by encouraging relationships with friends?

As I understand it, the older sister has had depression, the younger one is the one having friends round.

OP, why can't your GF study at a library?

Tlg1991

ognum wrote: »

This response is very childlike.

You have moved into the home of a dis functional family, you will never sort them out. There is never no reason why thing relationships break down. There is always a reason but it may be far in the past. maybe the Mum had postnatal depression and didn't. Bond with your girlfriend as a baby, there are so many reason, you just don't know them.

Your responsibility is to your girlfriend, if she is suicidal really and not just saying it for effect then she needs help, you and her need to establish what the truth is.

Tour girlfriend then needs to understand that she is an adult not a child. She needs to look maturely at her relationship with her family and understand it won't change unless she changes because the others are not going to.

I congratulate you on your wish to move out, maybe you could reflect on whether there is somewhere else you can both live until your new home is ready for occupation, this may be the first step to a new, different relationship with her parents.

well there is a reason behind why she doesn't show interest in her eldest daughter but i wasn't going to go into that as its the most pathetic reason you could imagine, her mum is obsessed with begin stick thin and image my girlfriend is a size 12 and her sister is stick thin also. her mum always has digs about her weight and laughs when she attempts to do something about it to put her down.

i get on with her dad and i do get on with her mum this is just a one of argument really as the rest of the time we always bite our tongues.

my girlfriend told me yesterday that her mum said "when you have kids we will only come up to your house then because we wont be coming to see you" after she told me that comment i honestly don't want her to be coming at all kids or no kids what a horribly disgusting thing to say.

gabriel1980

Have you actually witnessed and heard any of the comments your girlfriend says she has been subjected to?

Tlg1991

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Have you actually witnessed and heard any of the comments your girlfriend says she has been subjected to?

Yes i have heard them myself with my own ears, she started slimming world a while back and all i saw was her mum taking the pee out of it, then when she lost a few pounds after the first week her mum came in asking laughing then realised she had lost weight and lost the smile and just said "oh..." and walked out not a well done or anything. i have seen it all myself or i would not be saying this. i am strong on the fact there are 2 sides to every story and i have told my GF in the past she has been out of order when its come to some things if she is in fact wrong. i am very impartial i don't care who it is im never on a side unless its clear.

Missyhenry

Why would someone who's size 12 be going to a slimming club?

Tlg1991

Missyhenry wrote: »

Why would someone who's size 12 be going to a slimming club?

Because she feels like she want to lose weight...

ognum

Tlg1991 wrote: »

well there is a reason behind why she doesn't show interest in her eldest daughter but i wasn't going to go into that as its the most pathetic reason you could imagine, her mum is obsessed with begin stick thin and image my girlfriend is a size 12 and her sister is stick thin also. her mum always has digs about her weight and laughs when she attempts to do something about it to put her down.

i get on with her dad and i do get on with her mum this is just a one of argument really as the rest of the time we always bite our tongues.

my girlfriend told me yesterday that her mum said "when you have kids we will only come up to your house then because we wont be coming to see you" after she told me that comment i honestly don't want her to be coming at all kids or no kids what a horribly disgusting thing to say.

I truly doubt that weight is the only issue however I hope that you say to your girlfriend that you love her how she is and body shape does not effect the love you have.

You girlfriend mother is manipulative and unpleasant, you are not going to change this, their relationship is never going to be what you would like it to be or what you perceive as normal.

Work to move out, anywhere suitable as fast as you can. Your girlfriend needs soace to understand her family and work through all the issues involved.

When she has moved out maybe some counselling would help her understand.

ognum

Tlg1991 wrote: »

Yes i have heard them myself with my own ears, she started slimming world a while back and all i saw was her mum taking the pee out of it, then when she lost a few pounds after the first week her mum came in asking laughing then realised she had lost weight and lost the smile and just said "oh..." and walked out not a well done or anything. i have seen it all myself or i would not be saying this. i am strong on the fact there are 2 sides to every story and i have told my GF in the past she has been out of order when its come to some things if she is in fact wrong. i am very impartial i don't care who it is im never on a side unless its clear.

Wow, never be impartial, your job is to support your girlfriend. However the way to do that is to remove her mothers influence and to do that means moving out.

Tlg1991

ognum wrote: »

I truly doubt that weight is the only issue however I hope that you say to your girlfriend that you love her how she is and body shape does not effect the love you have.

You girlfriend mother is manipulative and unpleasant, you are not going to change this, their relationship is never going to be what you would like it to be or what you perceive as normal.

Work to move out, anywhere suitable as fast as you can. Your girlfriend needs soace to understand her family and work through all the issues involved.

When she has moved out maybe some counselling would help her understand.

You are probably right about what i perceive to be normal in terms of her mum. i lost my mum at the age of 17 so i think i take it to heart a lot when i see her mum being horrible to her daughter as i obviously would do anything to have that relationship back and to see it wasted disgusts me. but i know that she will never change like you said.

I never actually argues with her mum i just told my girlfriend to say something instead of getting upset. she has tried to talk to her before about it but her mum gets on the defensive or turns it around onto my gf. i told my gf to write a letter with what she is feeling to hand it to her mum as she could shout or try and speak back to a letter but i think at that point my gf has given up trying.

I will keep my mouth shut though and get these next few months out of the way, we keep driving past the house we are buying as some kind of therapy and end goal i think the owners will start to think they have a stalker driving past every night :rotfl: