Why I am still in this relationship?

FBaby

I really feel for you OP. You knew what you wanted from the start, but you respected he wasn't ready. You took the gamble to wait on the basis that he led you to believe all this time that he would want this too with time. Even now, all this time later, he doesn't have the guts to tell you the truth, or worse, he doesn't want to lose what he's got now, so is selfishly stringing you on for how long as you can. How utterly disrespectful this is.

Of course the above still doesn't mean he doesn't deserve the respect of not trapping him with a baby though, if anything because it isn't fair on the child.

Do give him the last ultimatum (ie, last chance, however it is called!) and then move on once and for all. Hopefully, fate will be on your side and you will meet your soulmate, one day reflecting on how thankful you are that he pushed you to go as you are happily sharing your life with someone else and a lovely baby.

AubreyMac

shegirl wrote: »

Your posts must be the most irresponsible and ridiculous ones I've ever read on here, and there have been several!


No, it is not the job of the one who really doesn't want kids to ensure they don't happen. It is a JOINT thing !!!!!!.


Flaming hell, how on earth can you advocate tricking someone into getting you pregnant?!!! This is a CHILD we are talking about. PEOPLE we are talking about. You can't mess around with peoples lives like that!

Where's the evidence I advocate it?

I only asked a question to the OP. A question is all it was.

Having a child or not having a child should be a joint decision I agree. But whoever doesn't want a child should ULTIMATELY be the one who ensure they take all precautions.

shegirl

AubreyMac wrote: »

Where's the evidence I advocate it?

I only asked a question to the OP. A question is all it was.

Having a child or not having a child should be a joint decision I agree. But whoever doesn't want a child should ULTIMATELY be the one who ensure they take all precautions.

NO. No they should not. BOTH partners should.

dirty_magic

I think tricking someone into having a baby is a terrible thing to do, and I think this already happens more than it should. It's not fair on the father or the child.

It's not fair to risk it on the off chance that he might be ok with it in the end. The father ends up staying and feeling trapped or leaving and being labelled as a scumbag for leaving a pregnant woman whilst also having to pay for a child they didn't want in the first place. The child ends up with an absent father and wonders why their dad didn't care.

If you've been in a long term trusting relationship for years it would be so easy to do, but it's such a bad idea that it shouldn't even be a suggestion. Sometimes I'm so glad I'm not a man!

Mrs_Ryan

Blimey this thread has gone :eek:
OP I'm in a very similar position to you. Trapped in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to marry me but unable at the moment to move on. I did want children and he didn't but then I got cancer and that put paid to that!
This is his property so there's no property in question but I really would get some legal advice re the property. And as fro getting pregnant to trap him- no no no. You'll be the one left holding the baby! You're young and healthy- get out while you can. I'm stuck as I need quite a lot of care on occasions plus the fact I can't have kids would probably send most men running a mile, while OH does my head in he doesn't object to caring for me so I'm sort of dependent.

Good luck x

tesuhoha

I was in a similar situation once, although a little bit younger. I had been with this man for 4 years and he was really taking liberties. So one day I came out and asked him 'Do you ever intend to marry me?' (Not that I was keen). He said no, so I said okay then. It gave me the excuse. I moved out the following day. Never regretted it for a second. I suppose it was easier for me as the fat was only rented.

Eventually, he came after me but it was too late, and I had also met someone else. So you should follow your escape instincts before you get another day older.

Gavin83

I'm assuming these people who are suggesting they'd end a relationship because marriage isn't on the cards have other problems too? The idea of ending an otherwise perfect relationship because he doesn't want to get married seems insane to me. Besides the added legal benefits it's mostly meaningless.

justme111

shegirl wrote: »

Your posts must be the most irresponsible and ridiculous ones I've ever read on here, and there have been several!


No, it is not the job of the one who really doesn't want kids to ensure they don't happen. It is a JOINT thing !!!!!!.


Flaming hell, how on earth can you advocate tricking someone into getting you pregnant?!!! This is a CHILD we are talking about. PEOPLE we are talking about. You can't mess around with peoples lives like that!

Watch out as the horse you riding is very high. Half of us might not been here if it was not for women "forgetting" to take tablets.
OP must be researching how to sell the property if one of the owners is opposed to sale. .

dirty_magic

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'm assuming these people who are suggesting they'd end a relationship because marriage isn't on the cards have other problems too? The idea of ending an otherwise perfect relationship because he doesn't want to get married seems insane to me. Besides the added legal benefits it's mostly meaningless.

I think it's more about the kids than the marriage. I don't think having children is something you can compromise on, there'd be too much resentment if one of you really wanted them and the other didn't.

Gavin83

justme111 wrote: »

Watch out as the horse you riding is very high. Half of us might not been here if it was not for women "forgetting" to take tablets.
OP must be researching how to sell the property if one of the owners is opposed to sale. .

I was born to two loving parents who wanted me. I'm sure not everyone is this lucky and I can respect accidents happen but to bring a child into this world under such deceit doesn't strike me as a good start in life. Not only would such a woman strike me as a bad partner they'd also be a terrible mother and frankly such disgusting behaviour would lead me to think that such a woman isn't fit for parenthood. What kind of example could they possibly set their child?

dirty_magic wrote: »

I think it's more about the kids than the marriage. I don't think having children is something you can compromise on, there'd be too much resentment if one of you really wanted them and the other didn't.

People seemed to be suggesting marriage. I quite agree that if two partners can't agree on children then the relationship is doomed.