Why I am still in this relationship?

Guest101

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Oh dear Lord you were serious...

I despair for humanity.



OMG, I am agreeing 100% with Guest101. I didn't see THAT coming! :eek:

It's happening more and more often.

Welcome to the club - it's a friendly place really

Lily-Rose_3

AubreyMac wrote: »

I never suggested to trap someone. But just questioned whether getting pregnant anyway is a consideration.

I don't believe in deceiving a partner but as I said, if he really did not want a child then he's the one who should ensure he doesn't get her pregnant.

I've never felt broody so do not related to the natural urges to have a child but I have friends and relatives who have felt broody.

I think that if women (mainly women because they do have a biological time limit) were to plan or wait for the 'right time' to have a child then that'll probably not happen until it's too late (and 'right time' for me would be own my own home and have it fully paid off, be financially comfortable enough to not need to work at all and be married to the right partner who is a good hubby and daddy). But reality is some people do not meet the right partner until later in life and are not always financially comfortable until later too.

I find it such a shame women generally aren't as fertile in their 40's as they are when in their late teens and 20's.

But your post (below...) did say that someone you knew had gotten pregnant against her partner's will and he had stepped up, so this did come across as you saying she should 'trap' him.

AubreyMac wrote: »

If you want kids above all else, would you consider just getting pregnant by him anyway?

I know someone who wanted kids more than anything and her partner was dragging his feet. She did end up getting pregnant and luckily her partner stepped up (

Also fairy lights, yes another poster suggested it, but the OP made it clear in her post responding to that, that she had considered it, and he is now 'wise' to it.

fashionvictim wrote: »

Ha ha believe me he is wise to any attempts :eek: I know he does not want it. I agree he could be scared but time is up. I am not against being a single mum, but I would of been nice to be a family.

I agree with your last paragraph though aubreymac; it's a shame women cannot coneieve safely and easily up to the mid to late 40s.

Guest101

AubreyMac wrote: »

I never suggested to trap someone. But just questioned whether getting pregnant anyway is a consideration. - Thats exactly what trapping someone would be!

I don't believe in deceiving a partner but as I said, if he really did not want a child then he's the one who should ensure he doesn't get her pregnant. - By ramming a morning after pill down her throat? It's called trust. Which they're supposed to have in a relationship. Trust that the precautions they've agreed are adhered to.

I've never felt broody so do not related to the natural urges to have a child but I have friends and relatives who have felt broody.

I think that if women (mainly women because they do have a biological time limit) were to plan or wait for the 'right time' to have a child then that'll probably not happen until it's too late (and 'right time' for me would be own my own home and have it fully paid off, be financially comfortable enough to not need to work at all and be married to the right partner who is a good hubby and daddy). But reality is some people do not meet the right partner until later in life and are not always financially comfortable until later too.

I find it such a shame women generally aren't as fertile in their 40's as they are when in their late teens and 20's.

The rest of the post i agree with, but the first two paragraphs i dont.

AubreyMac

Guest101 wrote: »

WT_?

No CSA is Child Support Agency (who no longer take cases, and now its the CMS - Child Maintenance Service but essentially the same thing)

It's for ANYONE where the non resident parent doesnt pay the legal minimum requirement.

This is so ignorant

Thanks for clearing.

I'd say it's more naïve than ignorant. If I didn't know then I didn't know. It was explained to me previously by someone who works for the DWP that the CSA was there to try to reduce the amount paid out to single parents which is why I thought it was for those who claim benefits.

I only know one divorced couple (well I actually know many but this one I know well enough to ask about personal finances) who arrange it amongst themselves how much is paid, which isn't much as the parenting is quite close to 50/50. I'm pretty sure they don't have CSA involved as they've never mentioned it.

gabriel1980

Lily-Rose wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: WHAT???! That is a TERRIBLE idea.

Why anyone would do that is just beyond comprehension, Trapping a man by fooling him into thinking you're using contraception, and then falling pregnant. It's comments like this that give women a bad name. This is a baby, not a flamin' puppy! A human life, that you will both be responsible for for life.

Good grief, I hope you are both joking. 'Get pregnant anyway, as he may step up.' I have never heard the likes of it.

I am sorry to be harsh OP, but from your original posts and subsequent ones, your other half clearly does not want to be anything more than flatmates. You're in your mid thirties now, and you've been together 7 years, and he still won't marry you. He is never going to marry you, that's for sure. He's mugging you off.

Ditch him. You deserve better. I personally would not stay with a man who refused to marry me. I know a number of women with men who refuse to get married, and they come up with every reason under the sun, and the upshot is that they simply don't want to get married.

And if you want a baby, you are running out of time. Time to call time on this relationship.



THIS ^^^

I think she's more bothered with having kids, not getting married. And your insinuation that just because a man doesn't want to get married makes him a terrible person or that he doesn't love the lady in question, is ridiculous.

Guest101

AubreyMac wrote: »

Thanks for clearing.

I'd say it's more naïve than ignorant. If I didn't know then I didn't know. It was explained to me previously by someone who works for the DWP that the CSA was there to try to reduce the amount paid out to single parents which is why I thought it was for those who claim benefits.

I only know one divorced couple (well I actually know many but this one I know well enough to ask about personal finances) who arrange it amongst themselves how much is paid, which isn't much as the parenting is quite close to 50/50. I'm pretty sure they don't have CSA involved as they've never mentioned it.

Child support payments, afaik, do not affect benefits entitlement. (certainly most are unaffected - it's not classed as an income)

It's common for people to make 'Family arrangements' between themselves.

The CMS now charges to collect payments, which is another incentive to actually work it out.

Person_one

Guest101 wrote: »

if he really did not want a child then he's the one who should ensure he doesn't get her pregnant. - By ramming a morning after pill down her throat?

While I obviously don't condone deceiving a partner to get pregnant, you seem to have completely forgotten about the existence of condoms, a very effective way for a man to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

While I obviously don't condone deceiving a partner to get pregnant, you seem to have completely forgotten about the existence of condoms, a very effective way for a man to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

Of course - and we've all heard of the litte !!!!! (no pun intended) through the packaging which makes them useless.

gabriel1980

Person_one wrote: »

While I obviously don't condone deceiving a partner to get pregnant, you seem to have completely forgotten about the existence of condoms, a very effective way for a man to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

Condoms aren't really for long term relationships. I doubt he would want to wear one, as a guy who knows.

AubreyMac

Lily-Rose wrote: »

But your post (below...) did say that someone you knew had gotten pregnant against her partner's will and he had stepped up, so this did come across as you saying she should 'trap' him.

Their only contraception they ever used was condoms (which they didn't use all the time even before she wanted a family, you know in the heat of the moment, don't want to kill the mood by popping to the chemist to buy johnnies). She was never on the pill nor did she pretended to be.

She did 'nag' him to start a family but he was scared/wasn't ready.

Which is why I believe if he really didn't want a child, he could have made sure she didn't get pregnant.