Why I am still in this relationship?

Guest101

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Condoms aren't really for long term relationships. I doubt he would want to wear one, as a guy who knows.

Tbh my ex partner preferred not to use one too. But she couldn't use the pill for various reasons. We had to be careful and basically sometimes use, sometimes not.

But equally the possibility of preganancy at the time was not a scary thought.

Person_one

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Condoms aren't really for long term relationships. I doubt he would want to wear one, as a guy who knows.

I was merely reminding Guest101 that 'shoving a morning after pill down her throat' is not really the go to option for a man trying not to get his partner pregnant.

I'm sure the OP has no intention of 'trapping' him with a trick baby anyway, so its all moot and a bit weird to be discussing it.

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

I was merely reminding Guest101 that 'shoving a morning after pill down her throat' is not really the go to option for a man trying not to get his partner pregnant.

I'm sure the OP has no intention of 'trapping' him with a trick baby anyway, so its all moot and a bit weird to be discussing it.

Can i just clarify - I agree that this is not a good form of contraception.

I was just pointing out the difficulty when 1 of 2 people wants a baby, and the onus falling on the other to prevent it.

Really if you dont want a baby, dont risk making one. But the everyone loves the making a baby part so.....

benjus

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Condoms aren't really for long term relationships. I doubt he would want to wear one, as a guy who knows.

Seems like a pretty sexist view to me. Most forms of contraception involve the woman putting hormones into her body or having some kind of device put into her body. These options are not appealing to some women. Are they supposed to just put up with it because their partner doesn't want to use condoms?

My girlfriend (now wife) decided she didn't want to continue taking the pill (it was messing with her hormones) and didn't want to have some foreign object put inside her. So we used condoms long term (until starting to try for a baby). Not ideal but more acceptable than the alternatives. A woman has as much right to say she doesn't want to use contraceptives as a man does.

Sorry to go OT...

gabriel1980

benjus wrote: »

Seems like a pretty sexist view to me. Most forms of contraception involve the woman putting hormones into her body or having some kind of device put into her body. These options are not appealing to some women. Are they supposed to just put up with it because their partner doesn't want to use condoms?

My girlfriend (now wife) decided she didn't want to continue taking the pill (it was messing with her hormones) and didn't want to have some foreign object put inside her. So we used condoms long term (until starting to try for a baby). Not ideal but more acceptable than the alternatives. A woman has as much right to say she doesn't want to use contraceptives as a man does.

Sorry to go OT...

I see your point, but female contraception doesn't generally affect the sensation of sex and also condoms are simply not as effective as the pill in preventing pregnancy. Plus they kind of take away the spontaneity of sex.

Mrshaworth2b

Back to the subject.... as a couple did you not discuss where your life was to lead? Marriage, kids etc? You've obviously been aware for some time that he is not rushing for children or marriage and you've done more than I would have done by waiting until you are 35....now you need to decide whether you will stay with him and risk never having children or marriage or him changing his mind eventually or you resenting him at some point. Because you will if you want something and he doesn't and you feel you have compromised and he hasnt.

The one part of your post that worried me was "I am not motivated to leave" sorry if this isn't exactly what you put I'm trying to remember the wording. Don't allow that to be a reason to stay, you don't want a regret on your deathbed to be that you weren't motivated to leave and forfeited children for that reason

Mrshaworth2b

gabriel1980 wrote: »

I see your point, but female contraception doesn't generally affect the sensation of sex and also condoms are simply not as effective as the pill in preventing pregnancy. Plus they kind of take away the spontaneity of sex.

Haha because the sensation of sex is wayyyyy more important than the amount of chemicals being put into a woman's body.

gabriel1980

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Haha because the sensation of sex is wayyyyy more important than the amount of chemicals being put into a woman's body.

Er....yeah! Obviously or else why have sex?!

Guest101

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Haha because the sensation of sex is wayyyyy more important than the amount of chemicals being put into a woman's body.

To be honest it's whatever the two parties agree to really.

It's not just men who prefer to not use a condom.

22cuddles

gabriel1980 wrote: »

I see your point, but female contraception doesn't generally affect the sensation of sex and also condoms are simply not as effective as the pill in preventing pregnancy. Plus they kind of take away the spontaneity of sex.

Maybe not, however hormonal contraceptives in particular can make some women feel pretty rotten, they can increase the risk of certain cancers (although can decrease the risk of other types in some cases)...some women get worse mood swings and/or periods than without hormonal contraception. Clearly not every woman is affected in this way but maybe something you should bear in mind.