Why I am still in this relationship?

fashionvictim

OP here...wow so many replies, thank you. It has really helped reading these.

I suppose I was thinking it would be easier to leave and me move out, but I now I do think I will say here until we can sell and go our separate ways. If he wants to buy me out then fine, I know he will not move out.

I have tried Ultimatum's and the decision time limit was meant to be by time I was 35 - which I am now.

I think comments about my personality are he doesn't like me giving him a time limit, he doesn't like me putting him under pressure. He really has run out of excuses and it's just mean cheap shot.

To me it's not really putting him under pressure if you have been with someone 7 years. To me if you want a family with someone who is 35 you have to start soon, I could understand if we had just met but that's not the case.

Generally we get on well, like the same things, but this ongoing issue over having a family has made it a bit tense. I try not to mention it too much but it's an elephant in the room.

It would be nice to get married before having a family but that is one big expense. For some reason he has never used this a 'excuse' or delay tactic as he probably realises I would make it happen, then he would be in trouble!!

fashionvictim

AubreyMac wrote: »

If you want kids above all else, would you consider just getting pregnant by him anyway?

I know someone who wanted kids more than anything and her partner was dragging his feet. She did end up getting pregnant and luckily her partner stepped up.

Ha ha believe me he is wise to any attempts :eek: I know he does not want it. I agree he could be scared but time is up. I am not against being a single mum, but I would of been nice to be a family. Neither of us are party people, we do go out, but it's the gym, restaurants etc but have a dog already we both look after.

Oh well. Live and learn, shame it took me 7 years for this tough lesson.

Lily-Rose_3

AubreyMac wrote: »

If you want kids above all else, would you consider just getting pregnant by him anyway?

I know someone who wanted kids more than anything and her partner was dragging his feet. She did end up getting pregnant and luckily her partner stepped up (although she did want kids bad enough to be willing to be a single parent if necessary). Although I thought this was quite selfish, I do understand she couldn't have a child without a 'sperm donor'.

Ultimately, the one who does not want a child should be the one who ensures they (or their partner) do not end up pregnant.

fashionvictim wrote: »

Ha ha believe me he is wise to any attempts :eek: I know he does not want it. I agree he could be scared but time is up. I am not against being a single mum, but I would of been nice to be a family. Neither of us are party people, we do go out, but it's the gym, restaurants etc but have a dog already we both look after.

Oh well. Live and learn, shame it took me 7 years for this tough lesson.

:eek::eek::eek: WHAT???! That is a TERRIBLE idea.

Why anyone would do that is just beyond comprehension, Trapping a man by fooling him into thinking you're using contraception, and then falling pregnant. It's comments like this that give women a bad name. This is a baby, not a flamin' puppy! A human life, that you will both be responsible for for life.

Good grief, I hope you are both joking. 'Get pregnant anyway, as he may step up.' I have never heard the likes of it.

I am sorry to be harsh OP, but from your original posts and subsequent ones, your other half clearly does not want to be anything more than flatmates. You're in your mid thirties now, and you've been together 7 years, and he still won't marry you. He is never going to marry you, that's for sure. He's mugging you off.

Ditch him. You deserve better. I personally would not stay with a man who refused to marry me. I know a number of women with men who refuse to get married, and they come up with every reason under the sun, and the upshot is that they simply don't want to get married.

And if you want a baby, you are running out of time. Time to call time on this relationship.

cavework wrote: »

Why would you have to leave?
Tell him, you , your new bathroom and the dog can do fine without him and it's time he moved on..
Put this one down to experience (not one to be repeated) and get out there and find someone who appreciates you
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuLzFziL6fI

xxx

THIS ^^^

AubreyMac

liney wrote: »

OMG! I know it's not a new thing, but still - OMG! I suppose she planned to get her CSA claim in nice and early too, had he not 'stepped up.'

I don't know. She works and earns quite a comfortable salary. I would have assumed she'd work part time and make ends meet with that if she was alone. and then work full time when her child was in school.

I could be wrong, but isn't CSA for those who claim benefits?

Guest101

The way this topic has gone is truly shocking!

1: if he doesnt want kids, that's his right. Tricking him into fatherhood?! That really is just terrible. If you want to be a single mum, do it via artificial insemination and dont drag another person into it.

2: It sounds exactly like you're putting him under pressure. I understand the biological time limit, but it also sounds like he's just not interested.

However, you're right, 7 years, you've learnt a long lesson and can now find someone to have a family with. It's not too late, and it would be better for you and for your child to be with a supportive partner & father. (my opinion anyway)

Just to flip reverse it. If you got pregnant and he pressured you into having an abortion, that would be classified as abuse. Rightly so.
- I'm not saying this is abuse in this case, just mean that forcing a person to do something they dont want to is wrong.

Lily-Rose_3

AubreyMac wrote: »

I don't know. She works and earns quite a comfortable salary. I would have assumed she'd work part time and make ends meet with that if she was alone. and then work full time when her child was in school.

I could be wrong, but isn't CSA for those who claim benefits?

Oh dear Lord you were serious...

I despair for humanity.

Guest101 wrote: »

The way this topic has gone is truly shocking!

1: if he doesnt want kids, that's his right. Tricking him into fatherhood?! That really is just terrible. If you want to be a single mum, do it via artificial insemination and dont drag another person into it.

2: It sounds exactly like you're putting him under pressure. I understand the biological time limit, but it also sounds like he's just not interested.

However, you're right, 7 years, you've learnt a long lesson and can now find someone to have a family with. It's not too late, and it would be better for you and for your child to be with a supportive partner & father. (my opinion anyway)

Just to flip reverse it. If you got pregnant and he pressured you into having an abortion, that would be classified as abuse. Rightly so.
- I'm not saying this is abuse in this case, just mean that forcing a person to do something they don't want to is wrong.

OMG, I am agreeing 100% with Guest101. I didn't see THAT coming! :eek:

fairy_lights

Guest101 wrote: »

Just to flip reverse it. If you got pregnant and he pressured you into having an abortion, that would be classified as abuse. Rightly so.
- I'm not saying this is abuse in this case, just mean that forcing a person to do something they dont want to is wrong.

It was another poster who suggested she just get pregnant anyway, not the OP, I don't think she is considering doing that at all and by the sounds of it has already made up her mind that the relationship is over.
I don't think she can exactly be accused of putting pressure on him either - they've been together for 7 years which should have been more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to have kids, and if not then be honest about it.

AubreyMac

I never suggested to trap someone. But just questioned whether getting pregnant anyway is a consideration.

I don't believe in deceiving a partner but as I said, if he really did not want a child then he's the one who should ensure he doesn't get her pregnant.

I've never felt broody so do not related to the natural urges to have a child but I have friends and relatives who have felt broody.

I think that if women (mainly women because they do have a biological time limit) were to plan or wait for the 'right time' to have a child then that'll probably not happen until it's too late (and 'right time' for me would be own my own home and have it fully paid off, be financially comfortable enough to not need to work at all and be married to the right partner who is a good hubby and daddy). But reality is some people do not meet the right partner until later in life and are not always financially comfortable until later too.

I find it such a shame women generally aren't as fertile in their 40's as they are when in their late teens and 20's.

Guest101

AubreyMac wrote: »

I don't know. She works and earns quite a comfortable salary. I would have assumed she'd work part time and make ends meet with that if she was alone. and then work full time when her child was in school.

I could be wrong, but isn't CSA for those who claim benefits?

WT_?

No CSA is Child Support Agency (who no longer take cases, and now its the CMS - Child Maintenance Service but essentially the same thing)

It's for ANYONE where the non resident parent doesnt pay the legal minimum requirement.

This is so ignorant

Guest101

fairy_lights wrote: »

It was another poster who suggested she just get pregnant anyway, not the OP, I don't think she is considering doing that at all and by the sounds of it has already made up her mind that the relationship is over.
I don't think she can exactly be accused of putting pressure on him either - they've been together for 7 years which should have been more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to have kids, and if not then be honest about it.

No no, i understand.

I just meant if she was considering doing this.