Why Won’t You Marry Me.?

larmy16

Simon will you marry me???:D

I am involved with a very nice man (not rich like you) and he has gone through a very painful and for him expensive divorce. Not surprisingly he is very anti marriage now.

I, on the other hand, would like to remarry some day and share my life with someone, with what I see as "that" committment. Sadly, as he feels this way, at some point I am going to have to move on, as I could not give him that ultimatum - it would be humiliating - "Marry me or else!"

I don't know what your lady's motives are and I can truly understand your concerns, but you should never ever marry unless it is something you are 99% wanting to do. If you don't really want to and are constantly suspicious of her being after your money, you will never feel at ease.

I read somewhere once "It is as easy to love a rich man as a poor man" and your lady may well love you for who you are (despite your wealth). Some real communication may be in order here Simon.

Good luck xx

kathy206

I would agree with others that if you are not madly in love with this lady then you should not marry. If you were madly in love with her then I would have thought that you wouldn't be so concerned re the potential loss of 50% of your net worth if it all went t*ts up. From what you've said already she sounds very money orientated anyway. Try calling her bluff next time she says "marry me or leave me" say, "ok then see you around" see what reaction you get. Sounds as though you aren't that fussed either waySorry if this sounds a bit flippant Simon but this is the impression I get from your post.Hope all works out for you

seven-day-weekend

I would not want half of a fortune that I built up without the help of this person going to them if we split, especially if I didn't love them.

If you don't feel you can make the promise 'all my worldly goods I give to you' then you shouldn't be making it.

Don't do it if you are not sure about it.

candygirl

At the end of the day Simon only you can decide, but if you are having doubts like this don't do it.You have instincts for a reason, follow them, and if she doesn't understand then she wasn't worth it anyway:p
Btw i'm single and looking for a- rich oops i mean:p nice man.Will you marry me??:rotfl: :rotfl:

beverleyhills

You don't trust the lady. You are not ready to marry her. If she still delivers an ultimatum, cut your losses and pull out.

Petal_3

You're not in love with her

You're suspicious of her motives

I wouldn't marry anyone who gave me an ultimatum

If she is interested in your wealth and you tell her you don't want marriage she'll probably stick around anyway to benefit from the lifestyle you can offer/if she loves you she may stick around in the hope that she'll change your mind at some point...

I wouldn't marry her

Good Luck with whatever you decide

~x~

simon-dupree

You think I am rich but I am not ,that's the scary bit,I don't feel rich .I think the lady in question thinks I may be rich but everything is relative and a half decent house is £300-£400K .The house I gave my X is now worth £400K+ and I doubt I will ever be able to afford something like that again ,not and live .I drive a 13 year old car .I like holidays but they are not extravagant ones.

Earn over £35,000 and the tax man wants 40% .Die and he wants 40% of everything over 350K. Sell any investments and the profit comes off at your high Tax rate of 40% .
Think back 25 years to the prices of goods and services,house food anything and project that forward to the next 25 years.
You need a good amount to just get by reasonably comfortably and not have to end up on the state.
That's why I am extra careful insofar as I don't want to make a silly mistake .
People worry about investments and percentages and spend hours with their finances but believe me NOTHING can hit you has hard as a divorce when a greedy X (and I am not pointing fingers because it happens both ways Husband to Wife and vice versa) together with a smart lawyer and the courts proceeds to clean you out of up to 70% of your net worth over a chance meeting that your partner had at a bad time in their life when they "struck if off "with a gold digger.Its the biggest and hardest lesson you ever learn.
No wonder I am cautious.

Ok you may say, you were in an unhappy marriage. But its so easy for people to become unhappy and unfulfilled in this complex world where perfection is pushed at us and divorce is a button away on the computer.Values and marriage has turned into a farce with only the lawyers winning and now they want to do it with people who just live together.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense and the ability to see things as they are can see what is happening.
On things that really matter and need sorting out no one does anything and peoples lives are ruined .On silly things the Nanny state steps in and messes about with it adding another layer of bureaucracy so we have little old lady's terrified of getting it wrong what to put in there rubbish bin or when to put it out.
House prices have gone ridiculous with this cheap credit available ,all it has done is make people slaves to the system at a higher financial level.No one is really any better off unless they trade down or die and then the state picks up its cheque .

Ok call me a sceptic but the evidence that things are not right is overwhelming.Anyone who thinks the state is going to look after them is in for a shock because the state has run the biggest pyramid selling operation ever and there will be no money from the state or very little in years to come. They have spent it all .If it was a company it would have been closed down long since.

No I am not rich I am careful and hope to try and provide for myself and the right spouse in the future hopefully.The advice and comments have been really helpful ,I do have a bit of a paranoia about it because the evidence is shouting watch out to me.That is why I posted the thread to see what others made of it and very interesting its been too.Thanks everyone who has had input. Simon

TheWaltons_3

simon-dupree wrote: »

You think I am rich but I am not ,that's the scary bit,I don't feel rich .I think the lady in question thinks I may be rich but everything is relative and a half decent house is £300-£400K .The house I gave my X is now worth £400K+ and I doubt I will ever be able to afford something like that again ,not and live .I drive a 13 year old car .I like holidays but they are not extravagant ones.

Earn over £35,000 and the tax man wants 40% .Die and he wants 40% of everything over 350K. Sell any investments and the profit comes off at your high Tax rate of 40% .
Think back 25 years to the prices of goods and services,house food anything and project that forward to the next 25 years.
You need a good amount to just get by reasonably comfortably and not have to end up on the state.
That's why I am extra careful insofar as I don't want to make a silly mistake .
People worry about investments and percentages and spend hours with their finances but believe me NOTHING can hit you has hard as a divorce when a greedy X (and I am not pointing fingers because it happens both ways Husband to Wife and vice versa) together with a smart lawyer and the courts proceeds to clean you out of up to 70% of your net worth over a chance meeting that your partner had at a bad time in their life when they "struck if off "with a gold digger.Its the biggest and hardest lesson you ever learn.
No wonder I am cautious.

Ok you may say, you were in an unhappy marriage. But its so easy for people to become unhappy and unfulfilled in this complex world where perfection is pushed at us and divorce is a button away on the computer.Values and marriage has turned into a farce with only the lawyers winning and now they want to do it with people who just live together.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense and the ability to see things as they are can see what is happening.
On things that really matter and need sorting out no one does anything and peoples lives are ruined .On silly things the Nanny state steps in and messes about with it adding another layer of bureaucracy so we have little old lady's terrified of getting it wrong what to put in there rubbish bin or when to put it out.
House prices have gone ridiculous with this cheap credit available ,all it has done is make people slaves to the system at a higher financial level.No one is really any better off unless they trade down or die and then the state picks up its cheque .

Ok call me a sceptic but the evidence that things are not right is overwhelming.Anyone who thinks the state is going to look after them is in for a shock because the state has run the biggest pyramid selling operation ever and there will be no money from the state or very little in years to come. They have spent it all .If it was a company it would have been closed down long since.

No I am not rich I am careful and hope to try and provide for myself and the right spouse in the future hopefully.The advice and comments have been really helpful ,I do have a bit of a paranoia about it because the evidence is shouting watch out to me.That is why I posted the thread to see what others made of it and very interesting its been too.Thanks everyone who has had input. Simon

Have you got children? Leave the the money, you can't take it with you when you're dead.

If I were you, I would avoid marriage at all costs (no pun intended).

I think she has got a cheek to say 'I can't take your money, that's charity... marry me though and it will be half mine and I wont feel so bad then' - *in fact i'll be laughing all the way to the bank*

BettyDebt

Like others have said, this boils down to more than just money and being skeptical.

If your heart really isnt in it and you have doubts, she is probably sensing this and her insecurities have lead her to issue and ultimatium.
Why dont you have a heart to heart with her and explain your feelings and take some time out. If she isn't willing, then maybe thats your answer and you know its time to move on.

For me, marriage is a unity, good with the bad and that means sharing what I have and will have in the future. If I am in any doubt about it - its not right for me. You two might just have different values in life now.

I am not really sure where I see your relationship going as you said she wants to retire yet has no funds to do so, is she expecting you to look after her?

I cannot see the difference in a committed relationship or a marriage so if you cannot do the first without the paper, I think its time to walk away now and see what else life has to offer.

With regards to the poster who said leave your money for your children (if you have any) personally I think make provisions where you can but at the end of the day you have worked hard and made good investments - it is you that should enjoy the benefits.

I say take your freedom and travel the world - there is a whole universe of interesting people to meet. Lonely on your own is never quite as bad as lonely with the wrong person.

MrsTinks

Is she a gold digger? Does it matter? You have kind of answered your own question because you asked it in the first place. If you feel the need to ask then you shouldn't get married.

I have always made very clear to any partners at suitable points in relationships that yes I want to get married and have children one day. One of my ex's and still one of my best friends does NOT want children and does NOT want to get married. So whilst I dearly love him we respect eachothers wishes and found we'd be better as friends than partners. We'd always be looking for different long term goals. Mine a family - his... well not
Now I have found another wonderful man who proposed to me and we are getting married in May - he has a high paid job, but thanks to his ex - he has the debts to go with it. I don't think anyone can accuse me of wanting to marry him for his money
You're not in love - don't settle for second best