Getting husband to move out

wannabe_sybil

You do not sound dumb. Actually you sound frightened, overwhelmed and beaten down. You also sound that if you can manage to get a little space you can be caring, intelligent and a very good mother.

Even in the middle of what must be complete fog, you are written clear and competent English. That is more than many can manage - honest!

Do consider getting in touch with Women's Aid. Abuse does not always leave bruises. They may be able to give help more tailored to your particular situation.

Sending hugs. I really hope it all works out for you.

HappyMJ

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Going to CAB for me is the only place I can think to start. I have no family support nearby and no true friends and feel so unbelievably lonely. He has his family and friends and is a million times stronger than me. He has threatened to use £20, 000 to fight me. He knowsI have no mmoney and would never afford a solicitor which means I'll have to represent myself and he knows im a dumbarse and wont manage it.

This £20,000...where is it? Your solicitor (please don't worry about the cost - it can and most probably will be be free - ask the solicitor for legal aid but don't worry about the cost anyway) they can get the court to freeze the account it's in and fairly share out it't contents. You get £10,000 he gets £10,000. I'd get on to that but don't for gods sake tell him anything or he'll hide the cash which is rightfully yours and to be used for the care of both of your children. He's sounding more like a w****r every message I read.

Guest101

HappyMJ wrote: »

This £20,000...where is it? Your solicitor (please don't worry about the cost - it can and most probably will be be free - ask the solicitor for legal aid but don't worry about the cost anyway) they can get the court to freeze the account it's in and fairly share out it't contents. You get £10,000 he gets £10,000. I'd get on to that but don't for gods sake tell him anything or he'll hide the cash which is rightfully yours and to be used for the care of both of your children. He's sounding more like a w****r every message I read.

This is presumptuous.

The court will rarely freeze assets, unless they are undeclared during a divorce.

There is no evidence that any of this money belongs to the OP. In fact, currently the only legal owner is the husband.

Until the financial settlements is finalised, the court isnt going to share out money.

melanzana

WA first stop. Lay out your stall, and as someone else said DA does not always mean bruises to the body. They will help you.

You have said you are suffering from anxiety and that can be the result of depression. So next step make an appointment with GP. Get counselling or whatever is needed to help make you stronger at this time.

Having someone to talk to can be an immense relief. This is a long road facing you remember, it won't be solved overnight, so if you help yourself, you can help your situation in the long run.

And I wish you well. So many people are in the same situation as yourself, believe me you are not alone, and this type of situation has been solved before.

mumof4littleguys

The £20, 000 is all on his credit cards and he said he could get a bank loan.
Whats a mckenzie friend?
Im going to call womens aid on monday and also make a dr appt.
Im also going to ask at my children's school if there are any job vacancies so I can quit my evening job and be here for my previous boys 24/7.
You people are keeping me going.

LilElvis

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

The £20, 000 is all on his credit cards and he said he could get a bank loan.
Whats a mckenzie friend?
Im going to call womens aid on monday and also make a dr appt.
Im also going to ask at my children's school if there are any job vacancies so I can quit my evening job and be here for my previous boys 24/7.
You people are keeping me going.

Don't worry - it's just bluff and bluster designed to upset you.

Realistically, how is he going to repay all these debts and support 4 children? Answer - he isn't.

You're already making positive steps, don't let him make you doubt yourself.

Mojisola

When a controlling partner realises he/she is losing control over the other person, their behaviour usually gets worse so be prepared for him to threaten all sorts of things and denigrate you in every possible way to try to get you to go back to being the junior partner in the relationship.

melanzana

To OP.

Please ensure that your posting history here and maybe elsewhere about your situation is private to yourself.

Mojisola

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Im going to call womens aid on monday

You don't have to wait til Monday if you can use the phone without him around before then -
"If you require an urgent response or need in-depth emotional support please contact the Freephone 24 hour Helpline on 0808 2000 247."

RAS

mo4lg

I think you learned a valuable lesson yesterday.
From now on you say as little as possible and preferably NOTHING to your husband about your plans.

Speak to Women's Aid, and your GP.
Whilst your husband is out, locate and copy (use the camera on your phone if nothing else is available) things like wage slips, bank statements, saving accounts.
Open a new basic bank account and ask for no statements. Stash tiny bits of money in that and anything more that you can find..

Let him think you are having a spring clean. Locate all your own certificates and those of the children and put them somewhere safe after copying them.

Turn out the drawers and cupboards in the kid's rooms. Put decent clothing and stuff they will grow into in one area; stuff that needs replacing or is getting to small in another (or move to a younger child's drawer. Ditto yourself. That way you could walk in with 5 dust-bin bags and scoop up the stuff you really need in 5 minutes.

Can you sell anything too small for any of them or old toys?