Getting husband to move out

mumof4littleguys

HappyMJ wrote: »

You won't lose your kids. You get yourself a solicitor too and let them negotiate the settlement for you. There's very little chance he will get to keep them with him as long as you remain co-operative with social services and tell the truth you should in more than 90% of cases keep them. Think about it he works full time...you don't. He can't look after them and work full time.

As I said before you do not ask someone who is controlling what they think the best course of action is of course they'll say the kids should remain with them. You need to do what's best for you and your children. He is far too controlling...and I'm by the way I am a male myself.

But he said he will give up his job and find something that will fit around school hours.
Im not strong enough to fight in a court.
Also, I cant afford a solicitor. I have no money.
What about my mental health? They might think im not fit? I love my boys
I love them so so so much. I couldn't bear to be away from them. Im losing my mind. The strength ive been feeling the last few days is disappearing. I wish I could go to my mum. I feel so lonely.

double_mummy

okay sit down have a cuppa and take a deep breath

your strength is there its just hidden behind the fear

tomorrow call your mum and talk to her then call shelter and womens aid there is nothing that you can do tonight you need to get a good nights sleep and then pull on your work boots and get on with it as soon as the boys have been dropped off to school - if you dont want the calls to be from home go to a pay phone or use their online chat tools and then clear the history

you have found your strength and your fight - dont let him to take that from you as well

if you fancy a chat im going to be up for a while so you can PM if you would like to

HappyMJ

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

But he said he will give up his job and find something that will fit around school hours.
Im not strong enough to fight in a court.
Also, I cant afford a solicitor. I have no money.
What about my mental health? They might think im not fit? I love my boys
I love them so so so much. I couldn't bear to be away from them. Im losing my mind. The strength ive been feeling the last few days is disappearing. I wish I could go to my mum. I feel so lonely.

Quit his job...yeah right. His solicitor will advise against that course of action. I wouldn't worry about that.

You don't do the fighting. It's mainly mediation. Your solicitor will present your case..but anyway that's ages away.

You don't need to pay for a solicitor. Legal Aid will cover that. As soon as you get on benefits your legal costs are free. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-rights/legal-system/taking-legal-action/help-with-legal-costs-legal-aid/#h-what-cases-can-you-get-civil-legal-aid-for- Your husband as he has a job will however have to pay his legal costs.

Your mental health is poor because of the situation you are in. I'm sure if you removed yourself from it your mental health would improve dramatically.

Pixie5740

Could you and the boys go and visit your mum in Norfolk for a week or two? That might give you some breathing space to figure out your next move.

mumof4littleguys

Thankyou all so so much. I really appreciate all your help.
Double mummy I wish id seen your offer of a chat as I've been up all night with worry.
He said he is going to use the fact that I work 3 evenings a week to his advantage.
I am supposed to be starting a teaching assistant course in September and have asked the school to keep me in mind if anything comes up even if its voluntary.
Would it help my case if I decided to start the teaching assistant course immediately and quit my evening job now? So that I am home 100% of the time the children are here but still doing something with my life which wl ultimately benefit my children as I'll be working full time in the future but not having to rely on childcare?
Does anyone think this is a good idea or am I not thinking straight?

mumof4littleguys

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Could you and the boys go and visit your mum in Norfolk for a week or two? That might give you some breathing space to figure out your next move.

this is what I desperately want to do but the kids haven't broken up from school yet and it would look bad onme to take them out now. Im feeling more lonely than ever and so frightened.

mavvymoo

You must stay strong there is help out there for you and your boys.

I live in Norfolk and do have a few contacts that work in this field if you PM me with what area your Mum lives in I will try and make some enquiries for you.

Think of yourself and your children and put all your strength in to that.

Does your Mum know how you are feeling and whats going on ? Or have you tried not to tell her too much incase she worries ?

You said you have a small fire in your belly. You need to keep stoking that fire and grow it into a massive blaze.

Have you any friends near you that could give you some support ?

Best of luck OP and I will help if I can

Mav x

mumof4littleguys

mavvymoo wrote: »

You must stay strong there is help out there for you and your boys.

I live in Norfolk and do have a few contacts that work in this field if you PM me with what area your Mum lives in I will try and make some enquiries for you.

Think of yourself and your children and put all your strength in to that.

Does your Mum know how you are feeling and whats going on ? Or have you tried not to tell her too much incase she worries ?

You said you have a small fire in your belly. You need to keep stoking that fire and grow it into a massive blaze.

Have you any friends near you that could give you some support ?

Best of luck OP and I will help if I can

Mav x

Thankyou so much. I will PM you now.
My mum knows whats happening and is so upset for me. But she has custody of my neice and has trouble walking so she can't come to me right now.
I wish the kids would hurry up and break up for summer so I can escape for a bit. Although I have work to consider.

justme111

Why don't you get in touch with women's aid , shelter and other organisations instead of just being afraid and pondering on the garbage that your husband says on whether working 3 evenings a week will count against you if he disputes kids custody? Start divorce proceedings , get benefits , get legal aid ?

Guest101

OP you have to understand a number of things.

You and your husband have exactly the same rights with regards the children.

If you're considering taking them and leaving, he may well be doing the same.

Custody disputes consider all circumstances- and focus on the children, not the parents.

So if he remains in the home, where the children grew up and where their school and friends are. Where they have established life connections - the court will consider that.

Who is best placed to care for them, well yes an evening job would make this difficult, so he may have an advantage on that front, but thats at the moment. You are switching roles, so i wouldnt worry too much.

Where is support network available.

To be honest, the list is massive.


I know the people telling you to ring shelter and women's aid are giving you good advice, you should do this.

- to summarise though. Shelter will tell you what i and others said before. But you can ask them questions too, that you might feel easier over the phone
- women's aid will probably tell you to get a ready to leave kit. Which is a good idea. They are also really good to talk to, give advice in general, and you can just vent a bit.

Now please dont take offence. You aren't coping very well with all this stress, you really need to learn to though.
I'm being honest when i say, I think this will get harder before it gets easier. It will be good for you to be patient, plan things out.
You love your kids and they love you, but the last thing they need is to see you unable to cope and be uprooted themselves. - and that is the kind of thing the courts would think isnt healthy for the kids.

You have my sympathies completely, and im not trying to be harsh, just give you the full perspective