Getting husband to move out

HappyMJ

Guest101 wrote: »

The problem will be gatekeeping. Another council will suggest she is intentionally homeless. The kids would be brought back.
The new council would not consider her to have links to the area.

Fees can be as low as £70, depends on the area.

I meant private tenancy...you don't need to be anything to take one on. You take one on then hand in your notice to end your previous tenancy. The LHA rate is payable to anyone. Social housing is only available to people who've lived in the area for a year or more.

HappyMJ

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I desperately want to move to Norfolk whete my family are. I miss them so much and would have so much support up there.
My husband would never allow it though. And it wouldn't really be nice to take the children so far from him.

Fact is you can't afford to live in London without having a partner with a decent income. You need to leave and you can't as the area you're in is unaffordable. If he wants to be near his kids let him move near to them as well. London is so expensive it's really not worth staying there if you don't really need to. He will I'm sure be more than welcome to see them every two weeks for the whole weekend. He doesn't need to be so close to be able to see them every day that would be too intrusive on your life.

Anyway Norfolk isn't exactly that far from London..is it....

mumof4littleguys

HappyMJ wrote: »

Fact is you can't afford to live in London without having a partner with a decent income. You need to leave and you can't as the area you're in is unaffordable. If he wants to be near his kids let him move near to them as well. London is so expensive it's really not worth staying there if you don't really need to. He will I'm sure be more than welcome to see them every two weeks for the whole weekend. He doesn't need to be so close to be able to see them every day that would be too intrusive on your life.

he doesnt care about my life. He doesn't care about me. I asked him before if I could move near to my mums and he could come up every single weekend and he said no way. I hate london. The area where my parents live is lovely. The schools are good and the crime rate is low and its by the sea.
He would never ever agree to that in a million years.

HappyMJ

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

he doesnt care about my life. He doesn't care about me. I asked him before if I could move near to my mums and he could come up every single weekend and he said no way. I hate london. The area where my parents live is lovely. The schools are good and the crime rate is low and its by the sea.
He would never ever agree to that in a million years.

And....take them there anyway. You've got to take them somewhere. Just to clarify he won't be pushing for total custody due to his work commitment won't he. Norfolk is not far from London. The children will be better off financially, educationally and they'll be healthier. I would just go you don't ask.

kelpie35

Do your family in Norfolk have room to put you up temporarily?

If so pack a case when he is at work, take the children out of school, get a train or bus there and let your family support you through this difficult time.

Don't even let on you have plans in place to your OH.

When things have quietened down then you can make arrangements for your OH to see the children.

If you carry on living under the conditions you are at the moment, you will not be well enough to look after your kiddies.

j.e.j.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

he doesnt care about my life. He doesn't care about me. I asked him before if I could move near to my mums and he could come up every single weekend and he said no way. I hate london. The area where my parents live is lovely. The schools are good and the crime rate is low and its by the sea.
He would never ever agree to that in a million years.

I don't think you need his permission to move anywhere! If he wants to try and legally obstruct you from taking the kids with you I guess he could try.. but on what grounds?

Unfortunately it happens many times in cases of relationship breakdown, where the mum ups and leaves with the child/ren and the family is broken up. But there isn't much he can do to stop you, as far as I know.

It's whether you've got enough courage to go ahead and do it.

mumof4littleguys

I really really feel awful to just take the children without his consent. I jus dont want to be cruel. Plus they might hate me when they are older and he tells them (which he will).
Also, I think he will push for full custody. He has said in the past he would and he would use my depression against me. Im so scared. My boys are my life.
My family couldn't put me up for long as my parents live in a tiny house and my brother has a big family himself.

pmlindyloo

HappyMJ wrote: »

I meant private tenancy...you don't need to be anything to take one on. You take one on then hand in your notice to end your previous tenancy. The LHA rate is payable to anyone. Social housing is only available to people who've lived in the area for a year or more.[/QUOTE]

Not always the case.

If you have a close family member who has lived in the area for a number of years this may satisfy the local connection.

https://www.northnorfolk.org/files/Allocations_Scheme.pdf

OP, there is a lot for you to think about and personally I feel that you need some support.

My first port of call would be CAB. They would be able to signpost you to the appropriate agencies/services. Take a note pad and write down all the people you need to contact.

Could your family in Norfolk do some enquiring on your behalf about housing? Could you stay with them on a temporary basis?

Councils have various schemes as regards helping with deposits for private rentals.

You would be eligible for benefits until you decide what to do.

I do not know whether it can be said that you are in an abusive relationship. The unfortunate thing is many people do not consider certain aspects of abuse (such as financial abuse) as real abuse. Attending a recent course on abuse made me realise how many people are actually in relationships which meet the criteria.

Having said that, you have now found the strength to end the relationship yourself.

If your husband makes things very difficult for you (in ways that would be entirely unacceptable) then you might want to consider getting more specialist help (lot of links given previously)

I would have suggested that you try to retain your council house which would probably mean going to court but, based on what you have said, a move to be nearer your family seems the best option.

RAS

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Also, I think he will push for full custody. He has said in the past he would and he would use my depression against me. Im so scared. My boys are my life.

He may well push for full custody but if you describe to the court the life you are currently leading and explain that your depression was a response to the difficulties there, it will count as nought.

BigAunty

HappyMJ wrote: »

The only way you'll get him out is if you hand in your notice on the tenancy. You can't kick him out. It's just as much his tenancy as it is yours but either party on a joint tenancy can terminate the tenancy. You both then leave and start new lives.

Perhaps the notice may be accepted and the other tenant (the husband) may negotiate a tenancy in their sole name?

The OPs social housing landlord will have a tenancy handbook or advice on their website about relationship breakdown, rights and options when it comes to joint tenancies. Give them a call if its not clear.

As detailed before, Shelter has a relationship breakdown section that also gives an overview, plus a homelessness section. The OP can look into whether there is any realistic possibility of securing a transfer to her preferred area.

Womens Aid also provides advice for those in abusive relationship. Note the time when a woman is planning to leave her partner is the most risky and dangerous time for her. The WA website has advice for how to prepare to leave safely and secretly, including the types of documents and things to take with you.

Some councils operate a rent deposit guarantee scheme for those who do not have a deposit - they pay the landlord.