Getting husband to move out

mumof4littleguys

I have looked at properties to rent and prices are huge. I would never be able to save a deposit let alone afford the rent.
Our relationship is definitely over. I cant spend my life being controlled and bullied. Every time I want to do something (like go to work ormore recently start a course) he laughs at me or makes a comment that makes me feel stupid. He does nothing around the home despite my pleading and telling him how exhausted I feel. He doesn't care for my feelings and is very cold towards me and I just cant do this anymore. Him ignoring me because we had a little argument is the last straw. I cannot beg him anymore. I am human and deserve better.
I dont want to be nasty and have no intention of using my kids as a weapon. I want him to have regular access to them and hope he can be happy. But he is making me ill and I need it to be finished. I jus dont know what to do anymore xx

Pixie5740

Call Shelter and see what options you have.

TBagpuss

It may be possible to make an application to a court to have the tenancy transferred from joint names into your sole name. The Order can be made under Part II of Schedule 7 of the Family Law Act 1996. You would need to start divorce proceedings.

Please note this is different to the powers a court has to exclude someone from a property where there is domestic violence - there is no requirement of Domestic Abuse for a Schedule 7 order to be made, the powers are similar to the powers that a court has to transfer ownership of a property on divorce.

You can start divorce proceedings while you are both still living in the same house - you do have to separate as much as possibl which means not sharing a bed with him, not cooking or cleaning for him etc.

It is also possible to be assessed for benefits as a single person even if living in the same property, although you do need to be very careful to ensure that you fully disclose the full circumstances including any financial support he is still providing (including indirect support such as continuing to pay the rent) when you apply.

tankgirl78

I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago, having a joint social housing tendency with an abusive partner who refused to leave, I was able to get him to move out via the courts so it is possible

Guest101

Also remember that a tenancy such as this might be considered an asset.

So if you acquire it via a divorce, you may well lose out on other things - possibly share of pension, or a vehicle.

It depends to what value the asset is (ie how many years you've lived there)

mumof4littleguys

I am going to ask him nicely tonight. His dad ahas a spare room and will be more than happy to have him back (drinking buddy). I am more than happy to sit down and sort out child arrangements and money etc. But I know he will laugh and me and tell me im stupid and refuse to leave. He likes being in power. I need to be careful how I word it all to him because if he thinks im telling him what to do he will dig his heels in. I feel sick with nerves .
I know many people have suggested he is emotionally abusive and im starting to wake up to that but I really don't want to start being nasty to him. I dont want him to turn my kids against me. Please god let him agree.

j.e.j.

tankgirl78 wrote: »

I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago, having a joint social housing tendency with an abusive partner who refused to leave, I was able to get him to move out via the courts so it is possible

There is no abuse here, though. He's just not being very nice and she's had enough of him.

He'll be on the tenancy until he decides to leave, and he knows it.

The council won't re-house her and the kids because they have a house already. A single man with no health problems is also very unlikely to obtain social housing, even if he were to voluntarily leave (which he won't), because he'll be pipped to the post by single mums, etc who have higher priority housing needs.

Guest101

Right - is there hope for this relationship?

IE if he changes his ways?

If yes, then be honest. Tell him that you cant see this working as it currently goes. He needs to move out for a time, and re-evaluate why he wants to be with you.

If there's no hope of this, then saying that (lying) would probably cause more grief.

But i suppose it's a case of, will change help the situation?

j.e.j.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I am going to ask him nicely tonight. His dad ahas a spare room and will be more than happy to have him back (drinking buddy). I am more than happy to sit down and sort out child arrangements and money etc. But I know he will laugh and me and tell me im stupid and refuse to leave. He likes being in power. I need to be careful how I word it all to him because if he thinks im telling him what to do he will dig his heels in. I feel sick with nerves .
I know many people have suggested he is emotionally abusive and im starting to wake up to that but I really don't want to start being nasty to him. I dont want him to turn my kids against me. Please god let him agree.

Good luck, but secure tenancies are rare as hens teeth. No-one gives one up unless they've got a better place to go to.

mumof4littleguys

There is definitely no hope for the relationship. This has been a long time coming. He even told me he was only with me because of the kids and I know he means it. We have been here so many times before and im exhausted with tip toeing on eggshells to keep the peace.