Getting husband to move out

rachy182

OP i think one of the first things you will have to decide is if you want to stay in London or move back to Norfolk. Personally i think you should have waited until you had an exit plan before talking to your partner. Then you could have had the upper hand and be in a better place to stand up to him.

Don't take this the wrong way but you need to pull you socks up and concentrate on making a plan and acting on it. The sooner you make plans and get information then the better you will feel rather than walling.

aym280

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I was on here a while back asking whether my husband was hiding money from me. Some might remember. I was extremely fragile and some of the comments frightened me off. Pathetic I know for a grown woman!
Anyway there was some sound advice that really helped me and I wondered if I could ask for advice again please?
Things haven't improved in my relationship and after an argument a few nights ago, my husband is now giving me the silent treatment and making life unbearable. He does this regularly until I go to him and apologise and beg for forgiveness. Usually because my anxiety has made me so ill and I want my kids happy so I am prepared to do anything.
But not this time. I have a small fire in my belly. I realise I cannot live like this anymore. Especially when I know I haven't done anything wrong and I dont deserve this.
MY husband and I are joint council tenants. He has aalways said if we break up he wont be leaving. I feel terribly guilty and I would never try to stop him seeingour cchildren but we cant live together.
What can I do? I cant afford to move out and privately rent and have no friends or family to help out. I feel im stuck in this life forever. Please help if you can xx

As a divorced woman (in 2006 with a boy of 7 at the time), I think you don't have to worry. Believe me.

As long as the children want to stay with you, it is he who has to move out. Always remember, be demonstrative with your children and assure them that you love them. He does not own the council property. Whose name is on the council property though? Phone the council to find out the implications and see if you can put your name on the tenant deed (?) What you can do is to phone Citizen Advice Bureau or go online to see who you can talk to. Talk to your children and ask them if they want you to have the divorce and find out if they want to stay with you. As long as they want to stay with you, he will have to move out. The court usually grants custody to the mother unless he is up to no good such as reporting you to social services. Try taping his unreasonable behaviour or sulking by mentioning it. I know it sounds dirty. Wait till you hear other nasty stories people do to kick their other half out of the marital home. (I know one case in which the father bruised his son and the son lied to the police that the mother attacked him. The woman was escorted out of the house!) When it comes to the divorce, you have to argue that it is unfair for you as a single mum to drag all your children to apply for all sorts of benefits.

Once the children stay with you, you can have the benefits transferred to your name and as long as you don't do drugs or drink, you should be fine.

By the look of things, is it he who is in control of the children's child benefits. It sounds like it. Don't be scared - a lot of women have done it and come out happier. PM me if you want. Try to stay strong and be up to it. You can do it. The quicker the impasse is solved, the better it is for the children who can pick up very tense atmosphere.

Good luck.

Mojisola

aym280 wrote: »

Talk to your children and ask them if they want you to have the divorce and find out if they want to stay with you.

I think that's a terrible idea! This is a problem for the adults to sort out - you can't put that kind of pressure on little children.

RAS

Mojisola wrote: »

I think that's a terrible idea! This is a problem for the adults to sort out - you can't put that kind of pressure on little children.

Agreed. Children will mainly want one thing; for their parents to live happily together.

And if the OH is a controlling as suggested the kids may not want to say anything that upsets him.

jayII

Mojisola wrote: »

I think that's a terrible idea! This is a problem for the adults to sort out - you can't put that kind of pressure on little children.

I completely agree. My parents did this to my siblings and I and I've never forgotten how awful it felt, being asked to choose between my parents. The guilt of my answer still lives with me now, almost 40 years later. My parents' relationship was pretty grim so my choice was a no-brainer, but the guilt is still there.

If necessary, CAFCASS will speak to the children and assess their feelings about their parents. That is far easier for a child than being asked by a parent.

double_mummy

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Double mummy I wish id seen your offer of a chat as I've been up all night with worry.

im up most nights til stupid hours the joys of being an insomniac so p[op me a message if you ever feel like it x

GlasweJen

OP, this link explains what a McKenzie friend is http://courtwithoutalawyer.co.uk/mckenzie-friends.html