Getting husband to move out

pmlindyloo

Whilst forums are good for advice they can, in your situation, be overwhelming as you may react to one piece of advice without working out a strategy.

You need a plan. You need to take one step at a time.

You are all over the place because there is so much to do and you don't know the order in which to do it.

This is why so many of us are saying 'go and get some help'.

Once you have sorted out what needs to be done then you can get on and do it - one thing at a time.

Try to get some face to face help.

Since you are in London you should have some good CAB in your area. Google for your nearest one. Use a public phone if you have to make an appointment.

Once you have an appointment then try to carry on as 'normal'

Don't give up your job. Don't do anything until you get some face to face advice.

Make that first move today.

Pixie5740

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

this is what I desperately want to do but the kids haven't broken up from school yet and it would look bad onme to take them out now. Im feeling more lonely than ever and so frightened.

I'd forgotten that the schools haven't broken up in England yet. There can't be long to go now though so that will give you some time to gather information and figure out your options.

As for your evening job going against you, your husband is just blowing smoke and trying to intimidate you. I wouldn't mention him moving out, divorce, or custody of your children with him again until after a break visiting your mum.

mumof4littleguys

Ok, ive checked my local c.a.b and they have a walk in on monday. I am going to go straight after dropping the kids to school. I need to write a list of questions to ask.
I need to calm down too. Thankyou so much.

HappyMJ

Personally I find the CAB to be utterly useless. All they do is exactly what you and I can do on the internet....they can help with letter writing but the advisor just told me to write it myself. I's already done that and gave up. I still have the problem... The advice to my OH before we moved in together (after she had a section 21 notice for rent arrears) was the fantastic advice of stop paying any more rent, save it all up ready for the next property and then just wait until the bailiffs kick you out then you'll be housed in a hostel temporarily until something more permanent can be found. Is that the advice posters on here would have given?

If you have no knowledge of the benefits system you'll get some advice on what you can claim from the volunteers that work there but you'll get that same advice here.

TBagpuss

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Im worried as I have no proof of anything though. It wwould be his word against mine. He is so much smarter than me. More articulate. Im dumb and get my words mixed up and tongue tied.

go to see your GP, now. Describe to them the way your husband behaves.

Ask them about referrals to Domestic Abuse support groups. That starts to create a paper rail where your records show that you were seeking help and suffering from depression due to (or exacerbated by) a controlling partner.

Look for DA support in your area.

See a solicitor - look for one who is a member of resolution. Many offer a free initial consultation. Ask about getting the tenancy transferred to you, and about whether his behaviour towards you would be likely to justify you obtaining a non-molestation and occupation order to get him to leave short term so you can consider you position without him breathing down your neck.

pmlindyloo

HappyMJ wrote: »

Personally I find the CAB to be utterly useless. All they do is exactly what you and I can do on the internet....they can help with letter writing but the advisor just told me to write it myself. I's already done that and gave up. I still have the problem... The advice to my OH before we moved in together (after she had a section 21 notice for rent arrears) was the fantastic advice of stop paying any more rent, save it all up ready for the next property and then just wait until the bailiffs kick you out then you'll be housed in a hostel temporarily until something more permanent can be found. Is that the advice posters on here would have given?

If you have no knowledge of the benefits system you'll get some advice on what you can claim from the volunteers that work there but you'll get that same advice here.

Forgive me, but your post is exactly the reason why I suggested that the OP went to CAB to get some face to face advice rather than a mishmash of advice and posts like yours (sorry, but I find 'CAB is useless' so not helpful to the OP) I am not saying that the advice given is wrong - just that posts veer from one subject to another and the OP is totally overwhelmed.

Some CAB are understaffed and do not have specialist advice in-house. The CAB in London tend to be much better 'staffed' with specialist help as they, usually, have far more clients than other areas in the country.

At the very least the OP will have a list of things that she needs to tackle and then can come back here if she needs further advice.

At the moment she is getting advice about benefits/housing/court action/divorce/abuse etc etc. Enough to send anybody into a whirlwind let alone the OP who is vulnerable at the moment.

Please don't take this the wrong way - I know everyone is trying to be helpful but am afraid that we are sending the OP into a 'spin' and making things worse.

kelpie35

Rather than wasting your time going to CAB, why do you not ring womens aid now?

They will talk you through each step you need to take and they are there 24/7

mumof4littleguys

kelpie35 wrote: »

Rather than wasting your time going to CAB, why do you not ring womens aid now?

They will talk you through each step you need to take and tyhey are there 24/7

I guess because although he is being unkind im still struggling to see it as domestic abuse. Some of the things people have said ring true but I dont know how to explained it to anyone. I sound stupid.

mumof4littleguys

Going to CAB for me is the only place I can think to start. I have no family support nearby and no true friends and feel so unbelievably lonely. He has his family and friends and is a million times stronger than me. He has threatened to use £20, 000 to fight me. He knowsI have no mmoney and would never afford a solicitor which means I'll have to represent myself and he knows im a dumbarse and wont manage it.

GlasweJen

he wants to use £20K to take you to court but won't pay for his kids? That just spells it all out.

I'd ring women's aid and ask them to talk you through financial abuse, they won't give you into trouble for not being a battered wife and they won't judge you. They will give you sensible advice and have a chat with you to help you relax.

If it does go to court you can get a Mckenzie friend to help with the legal jargon and give you a bit of support, don't think courts haven't seen behaviour like this before, you're not dumb you're being ground down by an absolute pr!ck of a man.