Getting husband to move out

Guest101

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

There is definitely no hope for the relationship. This has been a long time coming. He even told me he was only with me because of the kids and I know he means it. We have been here so many times before and im exhausted with tip toeing on eggshells to keep the peace.

In that case, could you live just as parents, and not man and wife?

FBaby

Good luck OP. You are getting stronger and stronger as time go by and you need to remember that.

Don't give up on being rehoused. Could you at least get on a list? Even if it is not immediate, it will still make you closer to independence than you were before.

Men like your OH use their control to make you feel that you have no escape. In the end, they too are under much pressure. When he realises that you do mean business, that the relationship is truly dead and that his control doesn't have the impact on you it use to have, he will gradually start to accept that he needs to move on. It is often the case that once that happens, they are the one wanting to get away. You'll just have to hope it won't be away from your children.

mumof4littleguys

Guest101 wrote: »

In that case, could you live just as parents, and not man and wife?

We tried this last year but he made it too difficult. He wouldn't acknowledge my presence and when I tried to discuss things he would give me one word answers and create an atmosphere.
Besides, if we did that, life would go on pretty much as it is now. It wouldn't be any better.

mumof4littleguys

FBaby wrote: »

Good luck OP. You are getting stronger and stronger as time go by and you need to remember that.

Don't give up on being rehoused. Could you at least get on a list? Even if it is not immediate, it will still make you closer to independence than you were before.

Men like your OH use their control to make you feel that you have no escape. In the end, they too are under much pressure. When he realises that you do mean business, that the relationship is truly dead and that his control doesn't have the impact on you it use to have, he will gradually start to accept that he needs to move on. It is often the case that once that happens, they are the one wanting to get away. You'll just have to hope it won't be away from your children.

Thankyou so much for your post.
I know the response I will get tonight and am building my confidence up for it but I am hoping that once he realises that im not coming to him to beg and plead for us to make up and that actually I want out, that he will realise he no longer has that hold on me. Then hopefully after a while he will see that its the best thing to do.
He is unbelievably stubborn and self righteous though so I might be Iin for long wait. I jus hope I stay strong!

Guest101

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Thankyou so much for your post.
I know the response I will get tonight and am building my confidence up for it but I am hoping that once he realises that im not coming to him to beg and plead for us to make up and that actually I want out, that he will realise he no longer has that hold on me. Then hopefully after a while he will see that its the best thing to do.
He is unbelievably stubborn and self righteous though so I might be Iin for long wait. I jus hope I stay strong!

You might have to consider that you might need to move out.

I know it's not ideal, but it is the simplest and probably quickest way

mumof4littleguys

Guest101 wrote: »

You might have to consider that you might need to move out.

I know it's not ideal, but it is the simplest and probably quickest way

I am prepared to do this but unsure where to go. Obviously if I move out, my children will be coming with me. Not to be spiteful but I am certain they are better off with me.

HappyMJ

After reading a bit more. I'd legally separate whilst living under the same roof so you can get benefits for yourself and your children...then I'd save every penny of those benefits until you have the first months rent, the deposit equal to one months rent plus £100 and enough to cover those pesky fees (mine were £432). You'll need more to cover moving costs. I'd apply for credit so you have even more resources available to you....yeah you got to pay it back but we can worry about that later.

You would get housing benefit for your share of the rent...but I would be just as nasty as he is and keep it myself without paying your share. You are jointly and severally liable for the rent. If he fails to pay the rent you can be evicted and he won't want that as the tenancy is too valuable so he will pay it.

Mojisola

j.e.j. wrote: »

There is no abuse here, though. He's just not being very nice and she's had enough of him.

He's not violent but he is controlling which is abusive.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence
Women's Aid uses the Home Office definition of domestic violence which is:

"Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
• psychological
• physical
• sexual
• financial
• emotional

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”*

j.e.j.

Not sure whereabouts OP is living, but if it's in the South East she'd have to be earning a lot in order to be able to pay rent to a private landlord on a property big enough for her and 4 kids.

j.e.j.

Mojisola wrote: »

He's not violent but he is controlling which is abusive.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence
Women's Aid uses the Home Office definition of domestic violence which is:

"Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
• psychological
• physical
• sexual
• financial
• emotional

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”*

Women's Aid say all manner of things...

I haven't followed OP's previous threads, but from this thread it looks like he's stubborn and childish. Which is unpleasant, but not abuse!