Husband moaning about money constantly

pickledonionspaceraider

Soot2006 wrote: »

I'm sure I remember reading some research years ago about the self-esteem effects of men earning less than women *EYE ROLL* -- some men may well be stuck in such archaic mindsets, and he could be acting out as a result of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.

OH and I do our finances the other way round -- we receive our individual salaries (both full time), and we put all required bill money + a little extra for food shopping/savings/etc into the joint account where all the DD's come out. The rest remains in our own accounts to be used as desired. For "big" purchases, we discuss it and transfer the required amount or determine how long it will take to save the required amount. Those contributions are not necessarily even, but despite the split finances we are not in it for ourselves. We are in it together, but both function better with control of our own incomes.

As for the inequity in the housework. I stopped washing OH's clothes years ago. It was the most satisfying day of my life, when after years of arguing about housework, he was searching through a basket of clean laundry and then turned to ask me "where's my grey shirt?" -- I shrugged and pointed to the dirty laundry basket and basically raised by eyebrows. He learned that day that clothes don't magically transfer themselves from one to the other. Some men take a little longer to grow up. Mine is pretty grown now, at 35 lol.

I could have written that post lol

kazwookie

My Oh wouldn't help around the house a couple of years ago, we both work full time and I was doing everything esle at home, so I went on strike, he finally got the message after about 10 days, and he had no clean shirts etc............he is great now runs the DW, WM, hoovers and is now on to cutting the grass for me...........

Also suggest your OH get a better paid job to give him more money.
If he won't sort himself out and help etc dump him

BigAunty

NoAngel wrote: »

He used to earn more but changed jobs. .

What led him to move to a lower paid job? He complains a lot so I imagine he was pretty explicit about his motivation.

Like other posters, our joint finances are that we pay in a sum proportional to our wages into a joint account where all strictly household expenses are debited (food, energy, council tax, insurance, tv, telecoms) and we keep the rest in our sole accounts.

When it comes to a big personal or household expense, like a holiday or new furniture,we negotiate and the one that earns more tends to pay more. For example, the one earning more might pay the expensive hotel accommodation while the one earning less picks up the budget flights.

When it comes to social expenses, like a night out, it might get split or the one with more money picks up the whole tab, never been an issue.

pinkshoes

I am sure this "man" must have some endearing qualities, but he sounds like a pr*ck!!

I would be telling him that if he wants more money to spend, then he can get a higher paying job.

He should also be doing HALF the chores, otherwise he can be paying you for doing his share!!

Your monthly budget, even after petrol, is VERY generous!

Loz01

Deffo don't make him sandwiches the night before or you're making a rod for your own back - maybe sit down and discuss the money situ, maybe carefully point out where he could make savings so he doesn't feel attacked??

Kathy535

There are several ways of divvying up the left over money. For example, you could do what you do where you equally share the leftovers regardless of who earns more or you could calculate the household bills and both put in half with whatever is left over from each person's salary being theirs to spend or you could calculate each person's contribution to the joint bills based on their %of the household income. Both these second two options would leave your husband with less disposable income than he has now - perhaps he would like to assess the various methods and make a decision as to which he'd prefer?

NoAngel

Thanks for all the responses. We had a chat last night, went ok but still haven't sorted everything. He's keen to give the e-cigs a try and I'm also trying to encourage him to see the GP for extra help with quitting but trying not to put on too much pressure as nobody will quit if they don't want to...

He's decided that he's going to give the food shopping a try. He thinks that this way he'll be able to buy food that he's happy to try and cook. Seems fair enough so that's starting next week. That feels like a massive achievement on my part if it works out.

To the person who asked why I thought it important to say what our earnings are- suppose I just thought it would show that the money he's spending each month is generous in relation to his earnings.

To those that asked why he took a lower paid job- a few years ago I got a job 200 miles away. He was extremely supportive and I went off and he followed me a year later and lived there with me for a couple of years, getting a new job etc. When I was pregnant we decided to move back home to be closer to our families. He started working for his parent's business again but the pay is low because they're just building up again after the recession. He's frustrated by it but in the long term it's a good investment of his time as it'll be his business in the future (possibly).

Not going to make him any sandwiches- if he got up and got the little one ready for nursery then I would but since he expects me to make them whilst he has a nice little lie in (while I'm trying to get myself and LO washed and dressed) then I refuse. See... Not always a push over...!

seven-day-weekend

NoAngel wrote: »

Just hoping to have a little outside opinion on this as I feel like I'm losing my mind constantly arguing with my hubby about money.

My DH and I both work full time and have a 2 year old. I earn £26k and I'm getting a pay rise to £32k this month and he's on £17k (+ about £4k from overtime). He used to earn more but changed jobs. It meant that when I was on maternity leave money was very tight and we borrowed a bit on credit cards which we are still paying back.

All of our money goes into one account and we each take an equal amount for ourselves. I spend mine on clothes, toys for little one, meals out with friends and other treats. I feel like I deserve this- I work full time and earn a reasonable salary.

He spends his basically on food at work and cigarettes and then complains that he never has any money, can't do anything nice etc. I'm losing sympathy- he can't be bothered to make a packed lunch because he can't be bothered to get up any earlier than 5 mins before he leaves he house. He moans that 'everyone else' at work can afford so much more than him.

I'm getting so fed up of him. He can't see that the problem lies with him spending money on wasteful things and seems to think that he's 'entitled' to more in his pocket. The thing is, we take an equal amount each month, if we didn't then he'd be getting even less! So fed up of arguing about money and his moaning. We need to move house soon as ours is too small now but I don't feel like it'll ever happen as it seems to be just me who's doing anything practical to get us there.

Sorry for the rant, not sure what advice to expect, just maybe hoping to see whether other people think I'm being unreasonable.

You spend yours on clothes and meals out. He spends his on lunches and smoking. I don't see how his spends are any more 'wasteful' than yours.

However, smoking costs a fortune, so really if he wants to have more money he either has to make more, or cut down on the fags.

NoAngel

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You spend yours on clothes and meals out. He spends his on lunches and smoking. I don't see how his spends are any more 'wasteful' than yours.

However, smoking costs a fortune, so really if he wants to have more money he either has to make more, or cut down on the fags.

Well it's wasteful because he's then moaning that he never has new things (clothes) or is rarely able to go out for a drink with friends so his money has been spent on things that aren't necessary and has nothing to show for it. Buying lunch when there is plenty of food at home is wasteful. He can easily spend £10 at work on food which IMO is excessive. However I don't care as its his money, I just don't need him moaning at me for buying new shoes when he had that option too.

katiasm

It seems to me you are both at fault. Perhaps you should watch the Jeremy Kyle programme on TV and see yourselves arguing.