Husband moaning about money constantly

London50

Shelldean wrote: »

Roll ups? £18 would be two pouches I think

Yes it was roll ups and checking today a 50gm pouch costs £18.41 for the one I smoked,

bouicca21

Does making you do the traditional housewifey stuff make him feel better about earning less? It could a major self esteem/emasculation issue. Not sure how you make it better, but sure as hell it's not going to get any better while you indulge him.

He needs to pull his weight round the house. He needs to have a good hard look at the budget and stop whining. If he wants to give up the cigs he will. But like any addiction giving up requires commitment. It sounds like he'd rather moan than act, but that's his choice to make. Your choice is to set some boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable to you, and to communicate them clearly.

pollypenny

If you both work, far more than the budget needs to be shared.

When youngest child started school, I started uni to do my degree and we divided up jobs. OH picked shopping and cooking, I did washing, ironing and cleaning.

If you're working long hours why not first in does the dinner?

paddy's_mum

pollypenny wrote: »

If you're working long hours why not first in does the dinner?

I tried this once, many years ago, with a boyfriend who wouldn't pull his weight. He simply found reasons why he had to stay at work "with the lads" for an extra hour or two.

In the end, though, I solved the problem.

I got rid of the boyfriend.

TBagpuss

I agree that it sounds as though you need to sit down and disucss things. If you are doing all the cooking and cleaning as well as working full time then ther eseems to be an inequality there, too.

I think the suggestion of keeping records of how each of you spend you money might be useful. I know that I have alsways found it handy when I have wanted to cut my spending - writing down each time you spend £3 on a sandwich or whatever does focus your mind on whether you need it / how much you need it.

On a practical level - if he doesn't want to get up in time to make packed lunches he could make sandwiches the night before, or even make a batch at the weekend, freeze them and take a pack each day (they will have defrosted nicely by lunch time!) He could also consider other options - cuppa soup (or tinned if he has access to a microwave at work)

What do you do about lunches? would taking it in turns to make packed lunches for you both be an option?

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

justme111

Op , why did not you write :" we both work full time , we have 2yo one , we put our money together, we pay all that meeds to be paid , save a bit the remainder divide in half for treats"? Why did u feel you had to specify who earns what ?

VfM4meplse

Agree with the others re: quitting smoking - fair enough it's an addiction, but also a luxury that many cannot afford and know better than to have started in the first place - and scaling back unnecessary lunch costs.

If we get to the heart of the matter, your OH just doesn't earn enough. Either he heightens his ambitions sharp-ish, or he accepts that as the intferior earner - and let's face it, not the one keeping your 2-yo in nappies - he's not in a position to moan. He is in a position to man up and take more responsibility for his family.

From what you have posted, in your position I'd be asking myself what's to be seen in him?

j.e.j.

Maybe he can start a spending diary for himself, and you for yourself, so that you can both see, on paper, what's being spent?

He might be the sort of person for whom money seems to trickle through their fingers and they have no idea where it's going.

justme111

VfM4meplse wrote: »

From what you have posted, in your position I'd be asking myself what's to be seen in him?

Indeed , the guy earns less , smokes and is unhappy about something - not good enough , lets look for another one.
Op , if you mention quitting smoking as a solution to money issues during one of his moans be sure he will cling to a cigarette as if it was the only thing left for him which unfriendly world tries to deprive him from. Anything directed against their addiction people take as directed against their personality because their addiction IS part of them. You risk him trying to prove to the world he CAN afford smoking. Re food that you buy - presumably you buy it from common money before your treat money is allocated. If so he has a say in what is bought as much as you have. You will say - ah but it would be me cooking , not him. That is different topic , indeed chores would need to be distributed . But not from the stance : I am ok with less disposable money , I earn more , I don't spend on smoking so you cook which you seem to have.
Re all suggestions of spending diaries - the same as with smoking, HE will have to want to do them himself , not it coming from you as a reply to his moans

Mrshaworth2b

I think that you need to remind him that he is an adult in charge of his own spending and therefore it is not your problem that he has a habit that costs a fortune and can't be bothered to make his own dinner to cut down costs.

Maybe he is jealous that you earn more and that's where "the keeping of money for yourself" comes from.

I applaud you for doing so much around the house and working so much. He does sound lazy, so I would go with the suggestions of asking him to do more around the house. But that's completely up to you. With the moaning about money I would be telling him to grow up and get over it. He needs to learn to be a bit more savvy with his money.