Husband moaning about money constantly

BigAunty

MSE has a budget planner which will let you sit down together, populate it, identify ways to reduce your outgoings (such as the cheapest energy, insurance, telecoms, tv packages etc). It will also give you a good handle on your debts.

But as your issues also encompass other aspects - communication, housekeeping, the attitude and behaviour of your partner, then perhaps you need to consider couples counselling before you lose all respect for each other.

At the moment, it sounds like you have an extra child in the house to look after.

GlasweJen

Whatever you do don't make his sandwiches the night before for him, he needs a kick up the back side not Molly coddled.

In your situation I would be raging. Stop doing his housework for him and let him get on with it himself, if he moans about you buying convenience food then buy some basic ingredients and present them to him on a plate to cook as he likes. Stop doing his laundry and if he questions it tell him that you're too busy being bread winner and raising a child to run about after his laziness.

Gigglepig

OP are there other areas where he takes responsibility like diy, gardening, car maintenace, organising appointments, childcare, grocery shopping, buying presents....? From what you have written it does not sound like it is a very balanced relationship, if you are basically responsible for earning, housework, finances etc.

Mojisola

NoAngel wrote: »

I earn £26k and I'm getting a pay rise to £32k this month and he's on £17k (+ about £4k from overtime).

All of our money goes into one account and we each take an equal amount for ourselves.

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Maybe he is jealous that you earn more and that's where "the keeping of money for yourself" comes from.

But they both take the same amount out of the joint money so he's much better off because he benefits from the extra money she earns.

Gigglepig

Mojisola wrote: »

But they both take the same amount out of the joint money so he's much better off because he benefits from the extra money she earns.

He could still be jelaous or feel insecure about making half of what his partner does, especially since they both work full time. sounds like she has a career and he doesn't.

Mojisola

Gigglepig wrote: »

He could still be jelaous or feel insecure about making half of what his partner does, especially since they both work full time.

He might well be but complaining about her having money left at the end of the month when she's sharing what she earns with him is a strange way to behave.

pickledonionspaceraider

NoAngel wrote: »

Just hoping to have a little outside opinion on this as I feel like I'm losing my mind constantly arguing with my hubby about money.

My DH and I both work full time and have a 2 year old. I earn £26k and I'm getting a pay rise to £32k this month and he's on £17k (+ about £4k from overtime). He used to earn more but changed jobs. It meant that when I was on maternity leave money was very tight and we borrowed a bit on credit cards which we are still paying back.

All of our money goes into one account and we each take an equal amount for ourselves. I spend mine on clothes, toys for little one, meals out with friends and other treats. I feel like I deserve this- I work full time and earn a reasonable salary.

He spends his basically on food at work and cigarettes and then complains that he never has any money, can't do anything nice etc. I'm losing sympathy- he can't be bothered to make a packed lunch because he can't be bothered to get up any earlier than 5 mins before he leaves he house. He moans that 'everyone else' at work can afford so much more than him.

I'm getting so fed up of him. He can't see that the problem lies with him spending money on wasteful things and seems to think that he's 'entitled' to more in his pocket. The thing is, we take an equal amount each month, if we didn't then he'd be getting even less! So fed up of arguing about money and his moaning. We need to move house soon as ours is too small now but I don't feel like it'll ever happen as it seems to be just me who's doing anything practical to get us there.

Sorry for the rant, not sure what advice to expect, just maybe hoping to see whether other people think I'm being unreasonable.

Wow OP, you have shown far more patience than I could have

The fact you have better paid job than him is not your doing. He chose it. But you chose to further yourself and earn more, whilst he has chosen to not really stretch himself..

With the large difference in annual salary, I imagine that you work is far more stressful and indepth than his....yet you get all the house work and cooking to deal with, whilst he is sitting on his arris, lording it up that you aren't buying the 'correct' foods???

He is working a 17k a year job, but leading a much richer lifestyle - all off your hard work, with a free cook and cleaner thrown in to the bargain. and he thinks he has a right to criticize you whilst he is doing it...

I think you are being mugged off, massively. You know you are too - and you need to sort this, before the resentment drives a wedge between you

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS?

pickledonionspaceraider

Gigglepig wrote: »

He could still be jelaous or feel insecure about making half of what his partner does, especially since they both work full time. sounds like she has a career and he doesn't.

True, but belittling his missus is not going to progress his career

He is acting like a child.

Soot2006

I'm sure I remember reading some research years ago about the self-esteem effects of men earning less than women *EYE ROLL* -- some men may well be stuck in such archaic mindsets, and he could be acting out as a result of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.

OH and I do our finances the other way round -- we receive our individual salaries (both full time), and we put all required bill money + a little extra for food shopping/savings/etc into the joint account where all the DD's come out. The rest remains in our own accounts to be used as desired. For "big" purchases, we discuss it and transfer the required amount or determine how long it will take to save the required amount. Those contributions are not necessarily even, but despite the split finances we are not in it for ourselves. We are in it together, but both function better with control of our own incomes.

As for the inequity in the housework. I stopped washing OH's clothes years ago. It was the most satisfying day of my life, when after years of arguing about housework, he was searching through a basket of clean laundry and then turned to ask me "where's my grey shirt?" -- I shrugged and pointed to the dirty laundry basket and basically raised by eyebrows. He learned that day that clothes don't magically transfer themselves from one to the other. Some men take a little longer to grow up. Mine is pretty grown now, at 35 lol.

GlasweJen

If he wants a career he could always go and find one, adults can go back into education if they're really dedicated and as he does no housework he has whole evenings and days off to hit the books.