Husband moaning about money constantly

NoAngel

Just hoping to have a little outside opinion on this as I feel like I'm losing my mind constantly arguing with my hubby about money.

My DH and I both work full time and have a 2 year old. I earn £26k and I'm getting a pay rise to £32k this month and he's on £17k (+ about £4k from overtime). He used to earn more but changed jobs. It meant that when I was on maternity leave money was very tight and we borrowed a bit on credit cards which we are still paying back.

All of our money goes into one account and we each take an equal amount for ourselves. I spend mine on clothes, toys for little one, meals out with friends and other treats. I feel like I deserve this- I work full time and earn a reasonable salary.

He spends his basically on food at work and cigarettes and then complains that he never has any money, can't do anything nice etc. I'm losing sympathy- he can't be bothered to make a packed lunch because he can't be bothered to get up any earlier than 5 mins before he leaves he house. He moans that 'everyone else' at work can afford so much more than him.

I'm getting so fed up of him. He can't see that the problem lies with him spending money on wasteful things and seems to think that he's 'entitled' to more in his pocket. The thing is, we take an equal amount each month, if we didn't then he'd be getting even less! So fed up of arguing about money and his moaning. We need to move house soon as ours is too small now but I don't feel like it'll ever happen as it seems to be just me who's doing anything practical to get us there.

Sorry for the rant, not sure what advice to expect, just maybe hoping to see whether other people think I'm being unreasonable.

amistupid

He could try and quit smoking. It would make a lot of financial sense and improve his health immeasurably if he stopped paying a fortune to poison his body.

fairy_lights

If he want to have more money to spend on himself, the obvious thing to do would be to quit smoking. Has he ever tried to quit?
Show him this cost calculator to work out exactly how much it's costing him:
http://www.nhs.uk/smokefree/why-quit/cost-calculator

London50

IMO he is his own worst enemy and no you are not being unreasonable, you both take a little from the joint account and choose what you want to spend it on and that is fair in my way of looking at it. I am retired and my partner still works, as I only get the state pension my partner gets far more than I do and can spend it any way they want with my blessing.
It was {I take it} his choice to change jobs and knew what the pay would be from the start and if he chooses to smoke {as I do} and cannot be bothered to spend a few mins each morning doing a pack lunch he only has himself to blame when his money is tight.
It is also possible that with a 2 year old {terrible two's??} and the as he sees it the millstone of CC debt along with friends/work mates "bragging" they have this/that or the other a bit of the green eyed monster is rearing its head.Hopefully when thing settle he {I hope for you} will revert back to the person you first fell in love with.
I do think many couples go through the type of thing you are and I hope things will get better. Perhaps because of my age and the way I look now at life I find it hard to understand that things like yours can end up causing so many problems but I suppose it just life. He needs to understand that you cannot spend and save at the same time and when the penny at last drops I hope he will apologize to you for what he has put you through :0) Good luck for the future.

bap98189

No you are not being unreasonable. I would suggest the two of you sit down and draw up a basic spreadsheet listing where all the money goes each month. Maybe that way he will realise exactly how much is being spent on cigarettes and eating out. Things like fags and canteen food may only be a few quid each time, but added up over a month, they can easily come to a few hundred pounds.

If other people can afford more things then they are either earning more or spending less. Between you, you need to work out which you want to change.

jackieblack

bap98189 wrote: »

If other people can afford more things then they are either earning more or spending less.

Or getting themselves into debt, spending money they haven't actually got

[Deleted User]

Ditch the smokes, switch to e-cigs (the refillable ones) and he'll save a fortune. He might stop moaning then.

If you get him to work out how much he spends on lunches and cigs every month, he might realise that he could save a load of money and feel better about your situation.

FBaby

Are the debts paid before the split? I'm trying to understand where he is coming from because the way you describe it his moaning makes no sense at all coming from a reasonable person.

NoAngel

Thanks everyone. He's mentioned wanting to quite smoking but then comes up with a long list of excuses why he can't. He uses lozengers but is basically addicted to those as well as the cigs now.

Everything is split- the CC repayment, all bills, nursery fees etc. then we split the left over, save a bit and each come away with £280 pm for fuel and whatever expenses we like. Not bad in my mind, more than other people get. We each spend around £100 in fuel so should be left with the same amount afterwards. He seems to think I'm holding back some of my money and spending it on myself- he has full access to the statements though just can't be bothered to actually look at them.

Last night he accused me of wasting too much on 'fancy' food. But to be honest after working a 10 hour day and not getting any help at home (I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc) I buy easy food as the last thing I want is to be cooking a massive meal after 8pm when I'm shattered!

Maybe there's more to the story than my original post, I'm getting fed up of having to work so many hours while he gets everything done at home for him and then continues to moan about something or other

Mojisola

NoAngel wrote: »

My DH and I both work full time and have a 2 year old.

NoAngel wrote: »

I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc

There's a lot more wrong with this relationship than him moaning about money.

London50

Up until June last year I was smoking 25 cigs per day at least and have smoked for over 60 years. As a trial I tried ecigs and now do not smoke "normal cigs at all. It used to cost me over £18 per week but now with ecig that I use the liquid costs me "2.50 per week, the battery cost me £6 and the holders {that last me 2 weeks} cost £1.99 so you can see the saving. If anyone had told me prior to last June I could be just as happy with ecig I would have laughed and told them "no way" but they do work for me and the saving just on cigs is over £400 per year :0)