Husband moaning about money constantly

jayII

NoAngel wrote: »

Well it's wasteful because he's then moaning that he never has new things (clothes) or is rarely able to go out for a drink with friends so his money has been spent on things that aren't necessary and has nothing to show for it. Buying lunch when there is plenty of food at home is wasteful. He can easily spend £10 at work on food which IMO is excessive. However I don't care as its his money, I just don't need him moaning at me for buying new shoes when he had that option too.

This is the crux of the issue, it would drive me mad and it's unreasonable of him to expect you to tolerate constant moaning about a situation he is causing and continues to cause. He seems to be frittering money away on things he doesn't actually value, which is leaving him frustrated, but only he can solve that problem.

It's great that he is planning to try e-cigs and is going to help with the grocery shopping and cooking. I hope it goes well.

fairy_lights

katiasm wrote: »

It seems to me you are both at fault. Perhaps you should watch the Jeremy Kyle programme on TV and see yourselves arguing.

How exactly is the OP at fault?

itsanne

fairy_lights wrote: »

How exactly is the OP at fault?

Don't feed the troll - not worth the effort.

Fireflyaway

I read somewhere that 80% of arguments between couples are about money. Either lack of or inequality of so we can all take comfort from that!

It seems fair if you both work full time and share an equal amount of spending money. Especially as you earn quite a bit more, you could have decided to split it as a percentage but you didn't. Does he say what he thinks should be done about him 'running out of money'?

Could you sit down one night and write a plan. Ask him what he thinks should be done and then write down your final decision so there can be no misunderstandings. It could be that he feels insecure with you being the higher earner.

If you want to move you need a plan anyway. You will need to save for moving costs etc so why not write down things you can both agree to cut down on so he doesn't feel its just him being picked on?

NoAngel

jayII wrote: »

This is the crux of the issue, it would drive me mad and it's unreasonable of him to expect you to tolerate constant moaning about a situation he is causing and continues to cause. He seems to be frittering money away on things he doesn't actually value, which is leaving him frustrated, but only he can solve that problem.

It's great that he is planning to try e-cigs and is going to help with the grocery shopping and cooking. I hope it goes well.

I think you've summarised how I feel in that first paragraph! The lack of input also drives me mad- even though we discussed how much we'll put aside for saving/groceries etc etc everything seems to come as a shock to him. For example we just did a few DIY jobs on the house and he was shocked that we had any money aside for such things despite the fact that we put aside money each week for this. Feel like I'm trying to teach a small child how money (and sometimes how life) works.

justme111

I would be concerned if I were you about seeing him like a child - women can be ruthless with their men when they see weaknesses in them. Families break over it as it does not set the right dynamic.

jayII

NoAngel wrote: »

I think you've summarised how I feel in that first paragraph! The lack of input also drives me mad- even though we discussed how much we'll put aside for saving/groceries etc etc everything seems to come as a shock to him. For example we just did a few DIY jobs on the house and he was shocked that we had any money aside for such things despite the fact that we put aside money each week for this. Feel like I'm trying to teach a small child how money (and sometimes how life) works.

Do you think you're so mentally and emotionally worn down with his moaning, criticising and negativity, that you've become hypersensitive to everything vaguely negative that he says? Or was he shocked in a negative/critical way?

My OH is usually surprised that we have money for things, but, because he is okay to live with and pulls his weight in other ways, his lack of interest and knowledge in our finances doesn't bother me. I do encourage him, but ultimately it's his choice, provided he doesn't give me a hard time about what we do or don't have.

I have to admit though, I have put my foot down with my OH about certain types of negative behaviour in the past. It caused fireworks at the time, but I stood firm and kept repeating that there is only so much moaning I'm prepared to listen to after my own long day at work. We worked it out eventually and found a reasonable compromise where we both talk a bit (about positives as well as negatives) and both listen a bit.

Red-Squirrel_2

Mojisola wrote: »

There's a lot more wrong with this relationship than him moaning about money.

Absolutely.

For one, toys for your child shouldn't be coming out of your 'fun' money, that's an essential joint expense.

itsanne

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Absolutely.

For one, toys for your child shouldn't be coming out of your 'fun' money, that's an essential joint expense.

In principle, yes. In practice in depends. It's possible that the OP is simply more indulgent and buys more than is actually necessary. Many children have far more toys than they 'need'. Of course, if all the money spent on toys (or anything else for the children) came out of the OP's personal allocation it would be unfair.

seven-day-weekend

I have been married to my husband for nearly 44 years and I have always been in charge of the finances. Despite discussing them with him, he is always surprised that we have money to tax the car or mend the boiler, put away for that purpose. He is always delighted when I show him our savings, that we have that amount.

I hasten to add my husband doesn't moan about it and is not a spendthrift, but he never knows the state of our finances, I don't think he would even know what bank accounts we have other than the one with his personal spends in and our main joint account.

Some people just don't 'get' it, their brains are not wired that way.