Full Nest Syndrome

Anatidaephobia

Haven't read the whole thread but absolutely nothing wrong in what you've said in your first post, OP I think my mum was exactly the same when I came back home after uni. She was delighted when I moved out a few years ago. :rotfl:

Jagraf

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

Haven't read the whole thread but absolutely nothing wrong in what you've said in your first post, OP I think my mum was exactly the same when I came back home after uni. She was delighted when I moved out a few years ago. :rotfl:

This kinds of sums it up really. I'm sure you don't feel less loved! My mum also, all those years ago, couldn't wait either. I couldn't live with my folks either lol xx

pickledonionspaceraider

Well that got hysterical really quick

Savvytraveller_3

My elder daughter moved back in temporarily one September (after three years at Uni a year spent working abroad and a further year doing post grad qualification) The 'deal' was that she would do the cleaning, ironing and cooking (week nights) in return for board and lodging (we were both still working full time ). She couldnt sign on as was fortunate enough to have some savings (a legacy). Second child had gone to Uni . Worked fine for 4 months and she worked at a local store over the Christmas period (I let her off the ironing but gave her a choice as to whether to still do cooking and cleaning or contribute from salary)
After Christmas she started 'proper' job hunting in earnest (she was worn out prior to then I think). With little success . Entry -level jobs in her chosen field had been replaced by unpaid internships. She was getting more and more frustrated and depressed and I was getting annoyed that she wasn't fulfilling her side of the 'deal' (for e.g she'd end up cleaning in her pjs on a Sunday afternoon while her elderly grandmother was here and I was cooking Sunday meal) I tried not to 'nag' unduly . I'd made it clear I liked the house clean for the weekend which is when I spent time in it . We had always got on well and I could forsee an almighty row/bust up, which saddended me .
As it happens she moved to London (we were still on good terms) in April and our happy relationship has continued . If asked, I think she would tell you we have been very supportive parents .
I was out of the house much of that time . Had we been retired, as we now are , with new routines established,I think I would have found it quite hard to have a third adult back in the house, though we have made it very clear to our children that home is always there for them , should they need it .
I think it is important to establish boundaries (as one does with children as they grow up anyway) and try to make sure they don't drift . I have four friends who currently have children (all boys, as it happens) back home with them . One is very 'cushioned' by the fact they are quite wealthy and I don't think he has much incentive to get a job
On a lighter note, both my children are currently buying property . Is it time to take the name plaques off 'their' bedroom doors ? (I might add both rooms have been redecorated, largely to their taste, since they 'officially' left home )

catkins

jaylee3 wrote: »

Some of the comments on this thread from certain posters talking about their adult children are actually very sad ... 'They are getting in the way,' 'I no longer have my privacy!' 'I can't walk around with only my underpants on,' (who does that ANYway?!) and 'you should make him do his own washing and cooking now,' and 'I can't have only sandwiches for tea now...' (Why the hell not?!) and my favourite, 'march him off to the army office!' What a classic piece of loving parenting that is!

I suspect (strongly) that people who have no time for their children when they are grown and cannot wait for them to sod off and leave, have never had time for their children. (I mean on here and in life in general.) A parent that has a good and loving and close relationship with their child all their life, would not be so intolerant and irritated by them as a young adult.

I genuinely feel sorry for young adults who have parents with this attitude.

And I am not saying children should never leave home; they should be encouraged to make their own way in life, and get their own place, and forge a career, but they need to know they are loved and wanted, not that they are a blasted nuisance and you just want them out!

I know several young people whose parents have made it clear they are no longer welcome after uni, and have told them to leave at 19/20 y.o. as they are old enough to leave now, and/or they simply no longer want them there. These people are the most insecure, and clingy, and lonely people I know.

There is a difference between someone leaving home and making their way in the world, knowing that they always have loving parents who care about them and they can return whenever they want, and parents who just think of their offspring as a burden, and don't want them there. How awful must this make them feel?

I have even spoke to some people whose children have grown, and they say they are glad to get their life back! What the hell? Are they serious? Were their children that much of a blasted burden to you? How disgustingly nasty and selfish! :mad:

Makes me wonder why some people even have children

I may be wrong but in the thread about whether not wanting children is selfish were you not one of the ones saying you didn't believe parents ever said if they could go back in time they would choose not to have children?


I think maybe some of the people who have said the things I have bolded in your post might feel that way.


I don't have children but have often thought about the fact that as children grow their parents have less and less privacy. People say that when children are young it may stop you doing things but at least they go to bed at a reasonable time and the parents have the rest of the evening together.


No wonder so many couples drift apart and find they have nothing in common and no longer get on once all the children have left home.


As well as being parents you are still a couple. If once it is just the two of you again you want to wander around naked or in just a pair of pants or have sex on the kitchen table or the sofa I wouldn't imagine you would be happy at the thought of having one of your children move back.

Loz01

Oakie wrote: »

Well at least he returned home on his own!
I know of a few ex students who have returned home with their girlfriend/boyfriend in tow , and taken up residence.

Lol some of my friends from Uni did this back in the day, a girl I knew met her boyfriend at Uni and he fell out with his Mum halfway through the last year so at the end of Uni my friend just went home and took him with her and expected her Mum and Dad to let him live at their house full time, even tho they'd never met him! :rotfl:

pollypenny

DD brought her boyfriend back with her after uni. They lived here for a while before they got jobs, then rented a little house.

We loved them both and were very sad when they split up.

amistupid

pollypenny wrote: »

DD brought her boyfriend back with her after uni. They lived here for a while before they got jobs, then rented a little house.

We loved them both and were very sad when they split up.

Sorry to hear that Pol.

Ten months ago, my 26 year old stepdaughter and her partner sadly split up. She and their 1 year old baby came back home to live with us for six months. She's now got her own place. During the week, whilst she's at work, we look after the baby. We are glad we're able to help out.

I can remember when I was forty, just after my divorce, turning up my old mum and dad's, asking if I could stay for a couple of weeks, whilst I sorted myself out. They welcomed me with open arms.

francophilissima

Our son died in a road accident. I would love to be doing his washing rather than griping about having to wear adequate clothing (which she presumably did while he was living at home)

amistupid

francophilissima wrote: »

Our son died in a road accident. I would love to be doing his washing rather than griping about having to wear adequate clothing (which she presumably did while he was living at home)

I'm very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine the pain of losing a child.