Full Nest Syndrome

charleem_2

Just remember, if your husband karks it and you're left on your own, he may well remember when you couldn't wait to get rid of him.

What happens if you need to go and live with him in your twilight years, will you be as understanding then that it's his house and obviously doesn't want to be living with his mother any more? Will you happily go into a nursing home and not gripe about it?

It works both ways. Now that under 25's can't get housing benefit what's he supposed to do if he does get a job and loses it?

swit

I have 26 year old #2 son and, for the last 18 months, his fianc! living with me... and I absolutely love it! How many mums are as lucky as me to have gotten to know their future daughter-in-law so well before they start their lives independent of me?!?!

My own opinion is probably quite distorted by the fact that #1 son had a life-threatening diagnosis last year, by my being single and by being so happy about having had children. I should point out that #2 son and his fianc! are responsible for their own food bills and cooking arrangements.

BigAunty

charleem wrote: »

It works both ways. Now that under 25's can't get housing benefit what's he supposed to do if he does get a job and loses it?

It will be scrapped for 18-21s I believe.

In the past, those aged 25 and over could get HB for their own 1 bedroom place. A few years ago, that was raised to 35 and people below this threshold get a HB rate for a room in a shared property.

Jagraf

charleem wrote: »

Just remember, if your husband karks it and you're left on your own, he may well remember when you couldn't wait to get rid of him.

What happens if you need to go and live with him in your twilight years, will you be as understanding then that it's his house and obviously doesn't want to be living with his mother any more? Will you happily go into a nursing home and not gripe about it?

It works both ways. Now that under 25's can't get housing benefit what's he supposed to do if he does get a job and loses it?

I don't believe any child should feel the emotional and physical and psychological responsibility for their parents.

Peter333

charleem wrote: »

Just remember, if your husband karks it and you're left on your own, he may well remember when you couldn't wait to get rid of him.

What happens if you need to go and live with him in your twilight years, will you be as understanding then that it's his house and obviously doesn't want to be living with his mother any more? Will you happily go into a nursing home and not gripe about it?

It works both ways. Now that under 25's can't get housing benefit what's he supposed to do if he does get a job and loses it?

Good point. Although we shouldn't be mollycoddling our young adult children and spoonfeeding them and doing everything for them, and we should be gently encouraging them to live their own life and get a job/career etc; to make them feel unwanted, and a burden, is just not on. And yes it may well come back and bite you on the bum if you make your young feel unwanted and that they are a nuisance and an inconvenience.

My cousin currently has a daughter at uni, and she is on 5 weeks off (going back the week after next - back to her job in the uni town.) Well she has been sitting idle since Mid June as she hasn't got a job (as she has one in her uni town and is currently living off those wages.) My cousin (a SAHM) waits on her and drives her around everywhere as they have little public transport.

But she says as soon as she leaves - if she comes back home- she will have to pull her finger out and get a job and start contributing financially and helping around the house. And she has told her this too... However, she can't bring herself to charge her board money and make her do housework etc, when she is only home for 5 weeks.

All that said, she has not said ant any point that she doesn't want her there and doesn't want her to come back home. It seems very strange to say that TBH.

There have been some posters on this thread that seem to make it clear that they will be glad when their young have left or they were glad to get rid of them. Many people of course do not have that attitude, but a small handful certainly do.

As the above posts states, these parents may regret it if their offspring remember their hostility towards them when they left uni.

Try and help them to be independent, and let them know you have a life too, but include them in your life and let them know they are still part of the family; don't exile them!

Jagraf wrote: »

I don't believe any child should feel the emotional and physical and psychological responsibility for their parents.

Nowhere in that post by Charleem did they indicate that.

silvercar

My cousin currently has a daughter at uni, and she is on 5 weeks off (going back the week after next - back to her job in the uni town.) Well she has been sitting idle since Mid June as she hasn't got a job (as she has one in her uni town and is currently living off those wages.) My cousin (a SAHM) waits on her and drives her around everywhere as they have little public transport.

Given students rely on financial support from their parents. (I read that 80% of students get some support from parents), it would be pointless to expect students to pay their parents to visit them in the Summer holidays. The vast majority will be also paying rent in their uni town, so to charge them to come home strikes me as very unwelcoming.

Peter333

This is her SON. Not some random lodger who won't leave the house. What a positively dreadful attitude some people do have.

I really do feel for some of the young these days: housing benefit taken from them, no living wage til they're 21, grants removed from uni, house prices so extortionate they have no way of getting on the housing ladder, and parents who think of them as a lodger who is getting in the way of their 'privacy' and stopping them swanning around in their negligee!!!

Good grief! Why on earth can you not have your own space and routines when your adult child returns from uni? How self centred have some adults become? Where on earth are these young people supposed to go?

You do know don't you, that you never stop being a parent?

Some of the posts on this board are shameful.

Person_one

Peter333 wrote: »

I really do feel for some of the young these days: housing benefit taken from them, no living wage til they're 21

Its no minimum wage till 25 now (and its won't be a true 'living' wage for anybody on it).

pickledonionspaceraider

Jagraf wrote: »

You put your kids in a tree house, that's a fab idea

Oh no, the treehouse is for me - rugrats are banned

Jagraf

I think kids have it a lot easier now to be honest.