19 year old son and finances

thorsoak

consultant_1 wrote: »

Why don't you get child benefit if you have two children of school age?

This answers your question :- https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/tax/how-to-pay-income-tax/child-benefit-and-tax-if-you-have-a-high-income/

HappyMJ

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

This is simple.

While he has no income you feed him and clothe him, modestly. Nothing more. If it drags on too long, give him a fair deadline to get an income.

When he has income, he pays you for food and lodgings. And buys his own clothes.

If he doesn't like it, rented accommodation outside the family home is plentiful at market rates. He can do that instead.

That rented home would require a job. I recently looked for a home around here and there is nothing available for someone who has no income.

A university student though will have a grant or a loan that they can use to pay for a year of rent in advance so I'd be saying there will be food on the table and the household bills paid (gas/elec/water/broadband and the council tax) and that's it. Anything else you get a job or use the student loan money to pay for.

Jacko_amz

When I turned 16 I got a part time job and was expected to pay rent, It taught me indepence and the value of money. Unfortunately it is rather late for your 20 yr old and I would suggest going cold turkey on him, he doesn't get a thing unless essential unless he goes out and earns it! You need to think about your younger one and how your gonna start teaching them independence and money in life, before I was 16 I did a chore around the house once a day for £30 a month.

kelpie35

Time to change the rules.

1. Don't pay for anything from now on. He is an adult.
2. Stay strong, work with OH and lay down the ground rules from today.
3. Make up a spread sheet for him to use as a budget tool.

I think you realise you have made a major mistake in teaching him life skills, but it is not too late to rectify this.

Good luck.

silvercar

Threebabes wrote: »

Hello, no we both work, we do not receive tax credits or child benefit. We have also put him through his driving test and paid for the insurance on the car, though to very rarely driving it, that is not being renewed.

I don't think that is unreasonable. Learning to drive is as much a necessary skill to acquire in today's world as exam passes.

As you are relatively high earners, if your son was moving away from home for uni you would be expected to help him out, to the extent that the non means tested student loan is lower than the full means tested low income one, and university bursaries are usually only given to those students eligible for student grants. You would find that most parents in your situation end up paying their offsprings rent and the student lives off the non means tested student loan (or vice versa). So letting him live at home rent free is reasonable.

Now you need to educate him to budget for his student loan to last the academic year.

carmina_piranha

I don't think it's too late

Mine is nearly 19, and has always been provided with basic clothing, lunches, transport to college but things like favourite trainers or money towards a holiday would be gifts for birthday and christmas, and he'd ask every family member for money instead of a gift, so his entire birthday present would be for example the money for a school trip.

He has a part time job to pay for his WANTS but while he is studying and I am getting child benefit for him I think I should be providing him with lunch. His job pays for luxuries like a night out, not basics. I also pay £7.50 per month for a capped phone contract from Tesco - if he wanted anything more than that he would of course pay for it himself.

Your son will have an income from the student finance, in addition to what he can earn. Even if you want to keep him for free so that he can concentrate on his studies rather than working long hours, he will be able to pay for his own phone contract, nights out and holidays at the very least.

As for jobs, a paper round wouldn't affect his studies, surely, as it's only a couple of hours total per week, or delivering leaflets - here it pays £20 per thousand. It's not a good wage, but it's perfect for people who only want to work a tiny amount of hours per week.

Threebabes

Thank you everyone.

We have started to help him apply for jobs. Though I do think around the local area with small shops, he needs to call in and drop of CV's.

I am going to sort out a spreadsheet for him for his outgoings. We have one ourselves.

Hopefully all is not lost.

Jagraf

OP - is he likely to get his grades or have you had to really push him to work at it?

If its the latter, I'm wondering whether uni is the best option.

In my head I'm thinking he may be better getting a full time job, or a job which will allow him or help him pay to continue with his education.

Or a year of full time work to ascertain whether he would really suit university, or mature a little before taking that step.

I have two nephews and two nieces who have all finished their A levels this year.

One is going away to uni and has worked really hard. He is very mature.

One has worked quite hard and she has been offered a uni place but in the meantime has got a job and the company will help her with professional exams.

One is doing a HND at a local college

And one .... Will have to find a job.

IMO uni isn't the answer if its been a slog to get him to work.

Beckyy

I agree that you've made a rod for your own backs (in the politest way possible). I think you need to encourage him to become as independent as possible with money, help him but don't do it for him or he'll never learn.

Does he seem interested in getting a job and paying his way? I would encourage him and help but applying for jobs on his behalf - probably won't help as if he can't make the effort to apply why would be make it for an interview etc.?

Also, is he interested in university or just doing it for the sake of it and to stay as a student for a few more years? Obviously further education is a wonderful thing but it's also very expensive and time consuming and if he isn't necessarily dedicated to it or studying something worthwhile then I would question whether it's the best option for him and yourselves if you would be financially supporting him through it.

In the meantime I would stop paying for his social life,mobile phone etc. in the first instance.

BigAunty

Threebabes wrote: »

Not sure what I am asking but hopefully advice on how to bring him into the real world gently.

There's nothing left for you to do. You've communicated to him your reasonable expectation that he supports himself and have encouraged him to get a job. You are then going to turn off the bank of Mum & Dad.

So job done - he either sinks or swims but it's not your problem as you won't want to cushion him from economic reality anymore - it just seems to have made him lazy and ungrateful.

You may just find he simply quietly bucks up and meets the challenge. He may resist and kick off. Either way, just make sure the apron strings are released, as planned.

You have said you want to guide him to a budgeting tool, perhaps the budget planner on MSE?, so that he can plan his income and expenses but you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink (as in the case of you applying for jobs on his behalf because he won't accept this responsibility).