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19 year old son and finances
Comments
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It never ceases to amaze me how some young people around 20 years old seem to be incensed and utterly horrified that they have to pay for stuff themselves. When they have their own income, they should be paying for their own stuff and paying you board and lodgings, without exception. If they are on the dole, they must give you money out of their jobseekers allowance; they should give parents at least half of it. It is incredibly irresponsible (and frankly not at all good for the young person,) to give them the message that they can live for free.
Of course if the parents are getting multiple 100s per month in tax credits (if the young person is still in college,) then yes they should be paying for most of their 'general living' stuff, like lunches and bus fares, and meals and clothes etc, and maybe even their mobile phone, as you are getting that money for that purpose. But this is only when they are at college. It wouldn't hurt for them to get a part time job to pay for some of it themselves though!
However, this should not include holidays with mates and fancy gadgets and fancy clothes etc; only stuff they needs to have.
Some people I know still pay for their daughter or son's mobile phone 2 years after they have left for university! Also, they don't have a penny off them for the third of the year they are at home, they run them around with no petrol money offered or asked for, the kids eat them out of house and home and never buy anything themselves, constantly claiming 'I am a poverty-stricken student!' and they buy fancy extra bits and bobs like special (expensive) vegan food and fancy smelly candles and shower gels, and all name brand products, because their precious little prince or princess refuses own brand stuff!
I even know one woman who has 2 grown daughters living at home (23 and 26) who have never left and didn't go to university...and they pay her £30 a week each!
What an insult and what a disgrace. They both bring home £250 a week! The hilarious thing is that they frequently borrow money off her and get her to get prescriptions for them etc, and never pay her back.. What a mug! No wonder these girls refuse to leave home. This woman is always broke; shockingly!!!
The OP's son needs a wake up call. Be harsh: it will do him good in the end. If he doesn't want to pay anything, ask him to leave and see how much it costs him to live away from home!(•_•)
)o o)╯
/___\0 -
If I were them and living so cheaply I would be saving about £500 per month so that I could get a mortgage in a few years time. They don't know how lucky they are not to have to pay rent to a landlord!
Very true! They are not doing this though; they spend the money as soon as they get it. They could literally be saving £600-700 a month!(•_•)
)o o)╯
/___\0 -
Are you going to go to the interview for him, too (only joking
)
I would make a rule. Anything he NEEDS you will pay for, but if it's something he just WANTS, he has to get a job and pay for it himself. Does that sound fair?
He's 20 - if he needs something he should get a job and pay for it himself!0 -
It never ceases to amaze me how some young people around 20 years old seem to be incensed and utterly horrified that they have to pay for stuff themselves.
If the parents have always paid for everything, of course their offspring will expect the financing to continue - why wouldn't they?
There's a very hard time coming for all concerned as the young man learns lessons that should have been taught many years ago.0 -
Are you going to go to the interview for him, too (only joking )
I would make a rule. Anything he NEEDS you will pay for, but if it's something he just WANTS, he has to get a job and pay for it himself. Does that sound fair?
His dad suggested I put the suit on and do it for him
Yes very fair.
I do know its our own fault and we have made a rod for our and his backs.
My husband was against him getting a job due to him making a mess of year 12 and having to resit. He thought he should focus completely on his studies. Our 15 year old daughter has told us many a time if he has the time to watch that much tv, he would've had time to work.0 -
If the parents have always paid for everything, of course their offspring will expect the financing to continue - why wouldn't they?
There's a very hard time coming for all concerned as the young man learns lessons that should have been taught many years ago.
Yes we hold our hands up, its all our own doing. He is our eldest and we have done what we thought (well mostly my husband with the work issue) was right.
Im hoping we won't make as much of a mess with no2 and no3. Though no2 is 15 and wants to get a job when she leaves school alongside her studies.0 -
So you can't go back and undone what you've done, but you can act on decisions that are best for him now. The problem in this situation is that a lot of time, habit take over and such parents have a lot of trouble saying no when they have been used to say yes all the time, or letting their kids do things for themselves when they have been used to do it for them.
Decide what you're approach is going to be, but whatever that is, stick to it. No point is saying that he needs to pay towards something, then he gives you a sad story and you rush to make it better for him by giving him exactly what he is asking for. You need to make sure that you and your husband will back eachother up. Let's face it, he is not going to like it, so don't expect a nice smile on his face and a 'you are right mum, I should be thankful' response to your 'no's'!0 -
It never ceases to amaze me how some young people around 20 years old seem to be incensed and utterly horrified that they have to pay for stuff themselves. When they have their own income, they should be paying for their own stuff and paying you board and lodgings, without exception. If they are on the dole, they must give you money out of their jobseekers allowance; they should give parents at least half of it. It is incredibly irresponsible (and frankly not at all good for the young person,) to give them the message that they can live for free.
Of course if the parents are getting multiple 100s per month in tax credits (if the young person is still in college,) then yes they should be paying for most of their 'general living' stuff, like lunches and bus fares, and meals and clothes etc, and maybe even their mobile phone, as you are getting that money for that purpose. But this is only when they are at college. It wouldn't hurt for them to get a part time job to pay for some of it themselves though!
However, this should not include holidays with mates and fancy gadgets and fancy clothes etc; only stuff they needs to have.
Some people I know still pay for their daughter or son's mobile phone 2 years after they have left for university! Also, they don't have a penny off them for the third of the year they are at home, they run them around with no petrol money offered or asked for, the kids eat them out of house and home and never buy anything themselves, constantly claiming 'I am a poverty-stricken student!' and they buy fancy extra bits and bobs like special (expensive) vegan food and fancy smelly candles and shower gels, and all name brand products, because their precious little prince or princess refuses own brand stuff!
I even know one woman who has 2 grown daughters living at home (23 and 26) who have never left and didn't go to university...and they pay her £30 a week each!
What an insult and what a disgrace. They both bring home £250 a week! The hilarious thing is that they frequently borrow money off her and get her to get prescriptions for them etc, and never pay her back.. What a mug! No wonder these girls refuse to leave home. This woman is always broke; shockingly!!!
The OP's son needs a wake up call. Be harsh: it will do him good in the end. If he doesn't want to pay anything, ask him to leave and see how much it costs him to live away from home!
Hello, no we both work, we do not receive tax credits or child benefit. We have also put him through his driving test and paid for the insurance on the car, though to very rarely driving it, that is not being renewed.0 -
This is simple.
While he has no income you feed him and clothe him, modestly. Nothing more. If it drags on too long, give him a fair deadline to get an income.
When he has income, he pays you for food and lodgings. And buys his own clothes.
If he doesn't like it, rented accommodation outside the family home is plentiful at market rates. He can do that instead.0 -
Threebabes wrote: »Hello, no we both work, we do not receive tax credits or child benefit. We have also put him through his driving test and paid for the insurance on the car, though to very rarely driving it, that is not being renewed.
Why don't you get child benefit if you have two children of school age?I let my mind wander and it never came back!0
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