19 year old son and finances

bouicca21

I don't think 20 is too old to learn and I don't think it was unreasonable to pay for stuff while he was at at school. In a way it's a pity he's staying at home for uni because going away definitely assists budgeting (and general life) skills. It doesn't entirely take the safety net away but they tend to feel more independent.

So yes, stop paying for stuff. He will either have to get a job or go without until his student loan kicks in. Mind you short term jobs aren't that easy to find, let alone get, so he will need support to prevent demoralisation, and to help with drawing up a CV and interview technique.

sofarbehind

You are obviously very thoughtful and considerate parents. He is lucky. It's definitely not too late but it's important that you steel yourself and make him pay his way. For his sake and yours. My brother is like this and has always lived at home rent free. He is 34! He says he can't afford to move out on a 20k annual salary! He lives in the north in a cheap area. My dad is now a pensioner and struggling but STILL unable to ask him to pay his way??!! You don't want to be in this situation. It happens to people.

Gigglepig

Is he just as clueless about practical stuff? If he is going to live at home have you agreed what cleaning, cooking, gardening, taking out bins, etc he will do (communal stuff - on top of his own room/laundry)

slowcoachme

I'm surprised a young man of 19 still wants to live at home while at Uni, most can't wait to get away. He'll also miss that Uni bonding experience with others, living off baked beans on toast and beer evenings at the student bar. Maybe you should encourage him to live in halls the first year. Sink or Swim.

jaydeeuk1

My wife's parents paid for sister to go to uni, fail, go to another uni, accommodation, food and drink money, then failed again moved back home for free as didn't want to get a job (meanwhile wife graduated and got job as a teacher and had to pay £100 a week board, moved out swiftly after obviously!!) Eventually rented a nice cottage for sister and give her money in addition to benefits, she also has a classic car fully paid for (about £3k a year). Grandad gives her money to look after him for 3 hours a day... She goes round one a week for 10 mins. She gets about £2400 a month plus free rent but they're terrified of stopping payments as she'll kick off. (Shes also trying to get her grandad to change his will so wife isnt in it and shes main beneficiary). Did i say she's a c**t?. She's nearly 40 btw, and miserable (oh well)
The wife was treated completely the opposite and worked for everything in life and is why I was more than happy to let her be a mum instead of having to go to work and is why she is so amazing, wouldn't think they had the same parents. Heed my warning OP.

Threebabes

Jagraf wrote: »

OP - is he likely to get his grades or have you had to really push him to work at it?

If its the latter, I'm wondering whether uni is the best option.

In my head I'm thinking he may be better getting a full time job, or a job which will allow him or help him pay to continue with his education.

Or a year of full time work to ascertain whether he would really suit university, or mature a little before taking that step.

I have two nephews and two nieces who have all finished their A levels this year.

One is going away to uni and has worked really hard. He is very mature.

One has worked quite hard and she has been offered a uni place but in the meantime has got a job and the company will help her with professional exams.

One is doing a HND at a local college

And one .... Will have to find a job.

IMO uni isn't the answer if its been a slog to get him to work.

Hello

Hes worked really hard for his exams, he started his preparation months in advance. He is hopeful to get the grades though you never know until he gets his results. He is doing a partner with the uni for a week end of June, where he produces work which he has to submit and his entry level is lowered. Over 600 students are completing the partners over a range of subjects. From leaving school at 16 he has been determined to go to University to do Accountancy (of all things!).

My husband would have liked him to go to university but its been his decision. My husband (his dad) has a degree and phd and has talked in length about his different options. We have investigated other avenues, but hes never wavered from the path he has chose. We did have to push him for his GCSE's then we backed right off. He had to want to do it. I think the first year of Alevels he didnt realise the effort he would have to put in, such a jump from GSCE's.

Despite him having no clue about finances. Hes lovely, hes gentle, respectful, quiet. His report from 6th was great, we were really proud of how well hes got on. They said how mature he was and is approach to his studies.

Ive sat and made a spreadsheet for him this afternoon, so when the time comes he has to go through his finances and learn to budget. If anything with the money he has got hes really careful with it.

Its hard, someone mentioned earlier about not giving in to him when he asks for money. He never asks for anything, he would never ask for money, we have just been giving him it. He joined the gym, we offered to pay for it until he finished A-levels. I ask does he need jeans, he says no. Hes not greedy, just a bit stupid when it comes to finances due to his stupid parents. :mad:

Threebabes

jaydeeuk1 wrote: »

My wife's parents paid for sister to go to uni, fail, go to another uni, accommodation, food and drink money, then failed again moved back home for free as didn't want to get a job (meanwhile wife graduated and got job as a teacher and had to pay £100 a week board, moved out swiftly after obviously!!) Eventually rented a nice cottage for sister and give her money in addition to benefits, she also has a classic car fully paid for (about £3k a year). Grandad gives her money to look after him for 3 hours a day... She goes round one a week for 10 mins. She gets about £2400 a month plus free rent but they're terrified of stopping payments as she'll kick off. (Shes also trying to get her grandad to change his will so wife isnt in it and shes main beneficiary). Did i say she's a c**t?. She's nearly 40 btw, and miserable (oh well)
The wife was treated completely the opposite and worked for everything in life and is why I was more than happy to let her be a mum instead of having to go to work and is why she is so amazing, wouldn't think they had the same parents. Heed my warning OP.

Thank you for your post.

My son isnt aggressive or mean or nasty. Hes a lovely young man, quiet, respectful. My hubby and I are determined to keep our 3 the same as much as possible. As he was 1 of 3 and he was treat very differently to his siblings.

He hasnt missed a day of 6th form and hes not a quitter. Hes been set on accountancy since being 16. He works hard at school work, just lacks work ethic. We are hoping once his finances twindle it will give him the motivation to look for work.

Mojisola

Threebabes wrote: »

From leaving school at 16 he has been determined to go to University to do Accountancy (of all things!).

Despite him having no clue about finances. Hes lovely, hes gentle, respectful, quiet. His report from 6th was great, we were really proud of how well hes got on. They said how mature he was and is approach to his studies.

Hes not greedy, just a bit stupid when it comes to finances due to his stupid parents.

Does he know what accountancy involves?

Threebabes

Mojisola wrote: »

Does he know what accountancy involves?

Hello, yes its been researched in depth. It wouldnt have been my choice for him, but it wasnt my choice.

Thank You

pickledonionspaceraider

Threebabes wrote: »

Its hard, someone mentioned earlier about not giving in to him when he asks for money. He never asks for anything, he would never ask for money, we have just been giving him it. He joined the gym, we offered to pay for it until he finished A-levels. I ask does he need jeans, he says no. Hes not greedy, just a bit stupid when it comes to finances due to his stupid parents. :mad:

For one thing, don't be so hard on yourself. As the oldest child, this is the first time you have been in this position, and these kids have a sneaky way of becoming adults seemingly overnight

All is not lost.

I think your lad has had it very easy for too long, and needs to get back to basics. By this I mean you have been paying for (what I would call) 'extreme luxuries' - holidays abroad with his mates, and mobile phones etc. It will be a shock for him when he realises he is not even going to get lunch money any more and all these things that he has taken for granted, is not going to be there

I think it may be hard for you to set the new rules and stick to it, as - let's be honest - you have been a massive soft touch.

Giving in, and giving him cash, will not be helping him move forwards into adulthood at all.

If it were me, I would stop all cash immediately and help in other ways, such as let him take sandwiches for lunches etc. It will be hard on you too.

He will soon get a job when his mobile phone is disconnected and he can't afford nights out with his pals. It will be one of the best things you could have done for him - tough love