Guys - why did you really leave?

duchy

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

This too is very true, I was being silly / ironic in my post

I can imagine it is very offputting for a bloke if he is having sex with someone who is not really..how to put this...participating

I suspect it's a reap what you sow scenario.
There tends to be more enthusiasm for sex if your partner is good at it (regardless of gender). It's also very off putting for a woman having sex with a man who isn't very good at "pushing the right buttons" too .

When someone says their partner isn't interested in sex -it usually means they aren't interested in sex with *them* which is not the same thing in many cases. It can be just things have got stale and the same old routines just don't do it for their partner anymore.

David301

On the bad at sex topic. Men and women are different, and the only way for someone to know what you like and dislike is to tell them. It takes both people to have good, fulfilling sex. For some reason it seems people are just expected to know how to please the opposite sex.

Every time there is a sex scene on tv or film the whole thing couldn't be further than what really happens, there is no mess, no box of handy tissues, no fumbling about to get his tool in. Oh and she always rolls over looking delighted by the orgasm she was just given and then they cuddle. No one ever gets up and goes for a wee!!

On the other side of the coin young men who get their knowledge from internet !!!!!! think it is normal to slap their willy around some poor girls face a few times to get her squealing with delight!

Point is good sex comes from learning about one anothers bodies, likes and dislikes. If you cant discuss and show someone that you love how you like sex then its no wonder that it would be crap! It would also be likely that communication about other aspects of the partnership wasnt good either. lol

missbiggles1

Deleted_User wrote: »

Well that seems to be my experience, but looking back now after nearly 3 years, decisions he has made since then have been more about what suits him rather than what is best for the children.


Some men really want kids and want to be a father and part of a family.
Some don't and prefer to have their own lives and decisions.


The problems start when these two lines start to blur.

And some problems start when women get together with men from the second group and assume that they'll magically change into men from the first!

duchy

And I'm sure plenty of people think that was very selfish and all about what you wanted and your wife and kids were better off without someone who only cared for themselves. Most men who are committed to their families don't go out on the pull with their mates

In all honesty though -any new partner who knows you are capable of treating your wife and kids that way will never trust you 100% not to do the same to them in the future.

There's a reason why second marriages have a far higher failure rate than first marriages.

puregeordie wrote: »

Honestly, here's the just of it..

We had kids at a young age, got married as I thought it was the right and next thing to do. We were married at a young age as well at 19.

over the five years I realised that I wasn't really happy just about life in general, as we never had time to ourselves.

One day I went out with my mates and met a woman and basically fell in love. You just know when it happens. I never had this feeling with my wife as I hadn't experienced this feeling before.

One thing led to another and an affair began.

Then one day I went home said I'm not happy, took my computer and some bin bags full of clothes and left.

I found it easy and didn't seems to care about my wife and kids and just thought about myself.

Sounds wicked and awful I know but love is weird and does strange things to your head.

So bottom line is I fell in love with what I thought was the right person.

then after 5 years of dicking about I am now settled and never looked back after 16 years.;)
good luck peeps..

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

I suspect it's a reap what you sow scenario.
There tends to be more enthusiasm for sex if your partner is good at it (regardless of gender). It's also very off putting for a woman having sex with a man who isn't very good at "pushing the right buttons" too .

When someone says their partner isn't interested in sex -it usually means they aren't interested in sex with *them* which is not the same thing in many cases. It can be just things have got stale and the same old routines just don't do it for their partner anymore.

Open communication can make pushing the right buttons alot easier.

Must be remembered what works for one person doesnt for another.

So if he or she doesnt know, they cant fix it. Their previous partner might've loved what they do and therefore they think theyre doing it right

gonzo127

justme111 wrote: »

However unpleasant it is to hear it may well be sex was mot good for her. If someone does not get pleasure oit of something one does not want it -simple.Many men specially young ones are not good at it. Very sensitive subject so she did not bring it up and she herself might been unsure of how it was supposed to be

i will grant you that it is a possibility, however before the miscarriage our sex life was pretty damned good, wont go into details but there was certainly signs that it wasn't bad for her, but you may be right, as i said have resigned myself to never knowing the real reason behind the change

But as i see it, the miscarriage did appear to be the turning point, as afterwards it just wasn't a option, and i could be very wrong, and you right about the quality, but i feel that something just changed in her mind and her association of sex with me and the miscarriage became something she couldn't shake.

i just hope that what ever happens, she finds happiness as she does deserve it as she is such a lovely person, and has just had some rotten luck, as her first husband had an affair and left her for another woman (apparently issues with sex from some of the comments that were made) and then what has happened between us.

David301

I reckon Guest101 moves like Jagger

catkins

SanguineSteve wrote: »

I will counter that with all the chaps i know who have been in that boat have done the decent thing and committed. But, as this thread testifies, how long that lasts is anyone's guess.

Oh I know men that have committed when their girlfriend or wife has got pregnant. The ones not married did marry. The marriages didn't last though

Guest101

David301 wrote: »

I reckon Guest101 moves like Jagger

My own Meme, im genuinely chuffed

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

Open communication can make pushing the right buttons alot easier.

Must be remembered what works for one person doesnt for another.

So if he or she doesnt know, they cant fix it. Their previous partner might've loved what they do and therefore they think theyre doing it right

Agreed -<eeek I just agreed with guest !!:eek:> however in any good relationship there is decent communication so often "bad sex" is symptom of other things not as they should be in a relationship rather than a problem in itself.

Often it's not the sexual performance or frequency itself but lack of communication and intimacy that is the problem as lack of both lead to "bad sex"....and just plain weak relationships.