Guys - why did you really leave?

pickledonionspaceraider

A fact / the truth is not the same thing, as a sweeping generalisation made about a complete strangers prowess in the bedroom, to which one could possibly not make a factual statement.

Unless, of course, you have experienced this person in the bedroom, and of course I take it back and offer my sympathies to what was obviously a crap shag - that would be the only way you could be speaking 'the truth' as you say

Let's keep it friendly, eh?

fierystormcloud

justme111 wrote: »

"Winter is colder than summer " . "Those are mainly men who like football , not women ". Women are more likely to talk about children and partners and neighbours with their friends than men are ". "Men mostly urinate standing while women sitting ".All sweeping generalisations. Does not stop them being truth .

:huh:

This post doesn't actually make sense, as these statements are nothing like what you said.

Saying most men are bad at sex, is NOT the same as saying winter is colder than summer. 'Winter is colder than summer' is a fact. 'Women sit down to pee, men stand to pee is a fact,' and 'men like football more so than women do' is pretty much true too.

'Most men being bad at sex' is a ludicrous sweeping generalisation by YOU, based on your own experiences I am guessing. (I mean why else would you say it? )

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

A fact / the truth is not the same thing, as a sweeping generalisation made about a complete strangers prowess in the bedroom, to which one could possibly not make a factual statement.

Unless, of course, you have experienced this person in the bedroom, and of course I take it back and offer my sympathies to what was obviously a crap shag - that would be the only way you could be speaking 'the truth' as you say

Let's keep it friendly, eh?

Even so, how can anyone who had had one, or even half a dozen crap sexual experiences say that most men are bad at sex?

And don't forget that it takes TWO to have sex! Some women expect men to do everything, and lie there like a slab of meat, and then blame the man for being crap in bed.

How silly.

pickledonionspaceraider

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Even so, how can anyone who had had one or even half a dozen crap sexual experiences say that most men are bad at sex? Ridiculous comment!

I know what you mean. My only thoughts could possibly be if the other person is speaking 'the truth' (as they claim) that they have - in the name of research - literally shagged every man in the world, and then made some kind of graph. And most men clearly fell into the 'crap shag' category.

:rotfl:

pickledonionspaceraider

fierystormcloud wrote: »

And don't forget that it takes TWO to have sex! Some women expect men to do everything, and lie there like a slab of meat, and then blame the man for being crap in bed.

How silly.

This too is very true, I was being silly / ironic in my post

I can imagine it is very offputting for a bloke if he is having sex with someone who is not really..how to put this...participating

kitrat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

When the sex goes, it is not 'just' about the sex

One mistake I think that can cause relationship issues is some men making the fatal error of mistaking their wife for their mother. Assuming that she is happy to accept full responsibility for all household chores whilst the husband never learning to switch the washing machine on

Then men then wonder why the woman is not seducing him any more. This is because you have placed her in the ''mother'' role - and is not - to any woman - a sexy place to be.

If you force your wife into the ''mother'' role then you automatically slide in to the ''cared for'' role and have moved well away from 'sexy partner' zone - all because you didn't pull your weight with the housework.

Sounds far fetched? Try feeling taken advantage of for several years and see if you still feel sexy.

I know several women who have eventually ended long term relationships/marriages because of being forced into being a carer for their husbands and everything else that then brings to the table, resentment, and not actually feeling like a valued partner, but a skivvy

This is spot on for my ex. When will mothers learn that babying their sons does them no favours in the long run. I must point out this is true of some daughters too I'm sure.

kitrat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I totally agree, some are nurtured like it. They see their mum being run ragged - and see it as the womans 'role'

For my situation I doubt he had a concious thought that it's the woman's role, I think it just made him lazy as anything (is the polite way if putting it!), he just thought everything would fall into place around him as if by magic. I should have cut it off the 7 years earlier when I realsied his mum tidied his bedroom for him.

zagfles

catkins wrote: »

I think quite a few men don't really have strong feelings about whether they want children or not. They end up having them because their partner wants them or even just because it is "the thing to do". Then quite often, especially if the man is quite young, he finds it is not all fun and games with a child. It can be hard work, there is often less money, less sex, less sleep. Some women become slightly obsessed with their children and so he gets less attention etc.

Yes I think you're right. There's almost nothing in the world more selfish than expecting your partner to become a parent when it's not what they want. Having kids is the biggest life changing thing that most people will experience, and the biggest committment, far bigger than getting married, and to expect someone to turn their life upside down when it's not what they want is just incredibly selfish.

When we got married I was 50/50 on having kids, and I made it clear there's no way I was becoming a father till I was ready for it - which might be never, and definitely not for a few years as I wanted travel and see the world. My wife was fine with that as she was similar.

We did masses of travelling for a few years and had some brilliant adventures, eventually got a bit bored of travel, then everyone we knew seemed to be having babies and we both started getting really broody me more than her probably! That's the time to have kids. When you pick someone else's baby up and don't want to give him/her back!

If my wife had got accidently pregnant at the start of our marriage or before, I know I wouldn't have been happy, I'd constantly be thinking of all the travelling I wanted to do. Not sure if it would have split us up but it could have. If she'd have engineered it eg stopped the pill and not told me (which I have heard of happening with others), it definitely would have split us up.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I've been told by a few guys why they've ended their relationships. They aren't people who are attracted to me, so I think their reasons are likely to be genuine.

1. I've never wanted children and her biological clock was ticking so loud you couldn't hear the telly. It just wasn't fair to her to stay and let her think I'd ever change my mind.

2. I thought I was happy, but I realised just how controlling she was. I had a list of orders every day and if I didn't do things exactly the way she demanded, she'd shout at me, run off upstairs and slam the door in my face. I was just there for her to set someone up to fail so she could make them feel bad.

3. She spent the rent money on holidays with her friends and then phoned me up at work and told me that she'd throw 'It' (a toddler) down the stairs if I didn't come back and look after 'It' so she could go to a party.

4. She just didn't fancy me. I felt like a flatmate and I was lonely, so when, after five years like that, I met somebody who wanted me, I fell for her, even though it didnt last.

And then you get people like one of my exes 'You're an old woman, you think you're smart but you disgust me' or another 'she was absolutely mad and violent', which translates as 'She was eight whole weeks older than me and when I was busy strangling her because I'd been taking loads of steroids for bodybuilding and hated everyone I thought was weak, she looked me in the eyes and dared me to go on. The look in her eyes scared me because she wasn't frightened of me or of dying so I dropped her on the floor battered the crap out of her whilst she was trying to get her breath and left to go and stay with my 17 year old girlfriend who could see none of this was my fault'.


TL;DR - lots of men leave and are assumed to be the bad guy when they were trying to do the right thing, when their partners werent the innocent victims they portray themselves - and some because they're complete gits.

justme111

fierystormcloud wrote: »

:huh:


'Most men being bad at sex'

.

I did not say that. I said "many men specially young ones ". So not sure who are you so passionately and not politely (using words like "ludicrous, silly etc) arguing with.
I did not say the poster I referred to was bad a sex with that woman. I said that would been a reasonable most straightforward guess. I did not say my statement ("many men are bad at sex specially young") was truth either. I just pointed out that generalisations are not necessarily not truth.

I did not imply sex life would have been the posters' responsibility only either. As you rightly say it takes two to tango. I just pointed a very likely reason of her withdrawal to a man. Your reaction illustrates perfectly why most women keep quiet if something does not go that well - disagreeing , using derogatory adjectives, offensive remarks (shagged every man on the planet ) , blaming a woman back referring ro her in derogatory manner ( laying like a slab ) etc.

catkins

fierystormcloud wrote: »

:beer:
:eek: Sweeping generalisation much?!

Where are you getting these facts from? Or is this based on your own experiences?!

Gotta laugh also at the sweeping generalisation that women 'nag' men into having a baby. And THAT is why they leave when the kids come along. Never heard such rubbish.

Not saying that women nag men into having children. I said that quite a few men don't have strong feelings as to whether they want children or not so just agree when their partners say they want one. Also some couples don't even talk about whether to have children or not and yes I do know couples where this has been the case.


I've known a few men who have not been keen to have children or have been undecided but their partner has become pregnant (often supposedly accidentally) and I think in almost every case the guy ended the marriage/relationship.