Guys - why did you really leave?

Fireflyaway

Ok know this is a personal topic but if anyone feels they can contribute I am interested to know.

I found out today that someone I know of ( a friend of a friend of friend) has been left by her husband. He walked out on her and the kids, apparently with not much warning. Same thing happened to 3 of my old work colleagues over the years. They all have young kids who were in bits about it.

My question to any guys who have done this is what finally made you do it? Was it meeting someone else? Boredom ? Did you grow apart or did she change or do something bad? I just find it hard to understand that problems can't be worked out if you are in a committed relationship, especially with kids.

I don't want to criticise anyone by the way! Just interested to know.

j.e.j.

It'll be a brave man who posts his honest reasons for leaving his wife on this forum

Kim_kim

Be interesting though.

I think (but I could be wrong) that men are more likely to stray because an opertunity presents itself or they are sexualy bored.
I think women cheat because things other than sex are lacking in the marriage.

74jax

Is it just men your after?

I'm a woman who walked on her husband, bored, realised more to life, we married too young......

KRB2725

In my group of friends it has always been the woman that has walked.

Jagraf

I could tell you why my ex left me if that helps

ukjoel

Have seen a few of these from both sides.

With the guys in every case its been because their wife has turned from the frisky little minx she was 5 years earlier into a slightly younger version of their mothers and the guys have thought they are not ready for that yet and walk. Its not always been for a younger model but there has been a lot of youth recapturing going on and they saw the ex as a definate anchor pulling them towards middle age.


With the women I have seen it twice and both times it was mid life crisis occuring at the point the kids were old enough to fend for themselves. Both had been very straight as teenagers and then married early and suddenly mid 30s was first chance to go off the rails and they did in spectacular fashion.


Observations only and not saying anyone is right or wrong before I get tied to stake and covered in petrol.

InsideInsurance

First of all dont have kids and wasnt married but was with the ex for 7 years

Kim_kim wrote: »

I think (but I could be wrong) that men are more likely to stray because an opertunity presents itself or they are sexualy bored

Neither were the issue in my case, actually the sex life was the only thing the relationship had left going for it and there wasnt anyone else involved.

She was had always had periodic obsessions with computer games. Only happened every now and then but when it did it would be 18 hours a day plus playing at weekends and every spare minute on the week days. The saving grace was she wasnt very good at games and so after a week or two would have gotten stuck and then stopped playing.

Then she discovered online gaming and found a game with no end and no way of losing. Was about 9 months after she discovered the game that we split but we could go a week without speaking. We did try and resolve things by going away but she left the dinner table to go out for a smoke, when she hadnt come back after 20 minutes I went looking for her and found she'd logged onto the public computer in the hotel lobby and was playing the game.

VfM4meplse

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Neither were the issue in my case, actually the sex life was the only thing the relationship had left going for it and there wasnt anyone else involved.

You sound far from perfect yourself - staying with her for however long in the end for the sake of sex and sex only? Hardly deserving of a medal.

zagfles

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Ok know this is a personal topic but if anyone feels they can contribute I am interested to know.

I found out today that someone I know of ( a friend of a friend of friend) has been left by her husband. He walked out on her and the kids, apparently with not much warning. Same thing happened to 3 of my old work colleagues over the years. They all have young kids who were in bits about it.

My question to any guys who have done this is what finally made you do it? Was it meeting someone else? Boredom ? Did you grow apart or did she change or do something bad? I just find it hard to understand that problems can't be worked out if you are in a committed relationship, especially with kids.

Well...doesn't apply to me but I know some men who I'm convinced have left their young families because they simply weren't ready for becoming a father, and the massive change in life that brings. They either don't think about or understand the consequences of having children, or were nagged into it by their wife/partner and gave in. Rather than making a positive decision themselves.

Was just saying in another thread about an ex neighbour who showed no interest in kids at all, but did have one, and shortly after left the country and no-one seems to know where he is!

I don't want to criticise anyone by the way! Just interested to know.

You've picked the wrong board for that :rotfl:

marisco_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

You sound far from perfect yourself - staying with her for however long in the end for the sake of sex and sex only? Hardly deserving of a medal.

That is a sweeping statement and not how I read it at all. Sex isn't just a physical act. It enables a couple to be emotionally close and to put one another first. Maybe the poster hoped that through intimacy they could recapture other areas of their relationship.