Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

duchy

Homeownertobe wrote: »

My opinion would be exactly the same if it was football.

Choosing something as ridiculous as a game over your adult relationship means you shouldn't be in one.

Nonsense
The healthiest relationships are ones where couples do stuff together independantly as well as apart .

There's more to this anyway as no-one gets a wedding invitation at a week's notice- either the OP wasn't listening at all or the GF realized it clashed with an event that is important to him so deliberately didn't mention it til very late. Neither scenario shows respect for the other person.

I wouldn't expect my partner to give up something long planned to go to a wedding of someone he didn't know- What that event is isn't relevant- It's something he is looking forward to -why should I spoil that. My needs are equal to his - I'm not so insecure that I couldn't go without him if I really wanted to go.

I have a hobby my partner has zero interest in (it's an almost exclusively female thing) and a few times a year I am away to participate. He knows it gives me pleasure so is happy for me (usually as I am leaving for a trip he gives me money for anything extra- I don't need it I work fulltime and budget for these trips but he wants to make sure I have fun - I don't expect it - but it's a sweet gesture that I appreciate). If one of his workmates invited him to an evening reception - he'd not even mention it to me if I already had plans for that weekend. A family or close friend's wedding would be different - but that wouldn't be last minute anyway so we'd have time to work it out .

Gavin83

Homeownertobe wrote: »

There's a vast difference between a social event with a group of friends - something for grown-ups, basically - and choosing to leave your OH alone at a wedding so you can go and play a game designed for 7-year-old kids.

What exactly? It can't be because it involves friends as we've no way of knowing if he goes with friends and you've already stated football isn't acceptable either, generally a social event. Is it only acceptable if you deem it acceptable?

Your coming across as extremely selfish to be honest. Your basically suggesting it would be ok for you to miss an event with your partner if you had something booked but not the other way round. Maybe its you who should avoid relationships until you can learn to grant your partner the same level of respect you seem to expect is given to you.

If I was the original poster I'd consider this an opportunity and leave her. Firstly there is no way I could be with a partner who didn't accept my hobbies. Secondly I couldn't take it if they sprung an event on me a week before it happened an expected me to drop everything.

This is kind of unimportant though as the main issue seems to be children. There's no easy way of saying this but I think your relationship has run its course. If she really wants children and you don't then there isn't really any compromise there. You really should split and both find a partner more suitable to your own outlook on life. Its frustrating shes changed her mind and in your shoes I'd be extremely upset by that but none the less you have to accept it.

If it was just marriage you could probably deal with this but the children issue is your real serious point here. I strongly wouldn't recommend having children just to keep her, you need to decide on what you want. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

TBeckett100

This is how I see it

You are a couple, you do couple things with people. You don't set aside real life and other peoples feelings for toys. You are not 15 anymore

In addition, the Pokemon will not have your children, be there when things are bad and attend your funeral. They won't cuddle you in bed and buy you things for your birthday. They won't cook you dinner either (and for the bra burners reading this, I'm not insinuating women do the cooking, just that a woman will cook more for a man than Pokemon will)

So when you are old and grey and firing up the 'tube' after hours online, just remember that Pokemon won't have a hand in it either. It's commerciality over emotions.

Gigglepig

Sounds like the girlfriend wants to grow up, settle down... and maybe has grown apart from OP? I don't think it is necessarily intolerant of the girfriend to expect her partner to mature in the course of a 6 year relationship.

DUTR

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sounds like the girlfriend wants to grow up, settle down... and maybe has grown apart from OP? I don't think it is necessarily intolerant of the girfriend to expect her partner to mature in the course of a 6 year relationship.

Well her partner has a hobby, she may disapprove of, it's not really fair to ask him to give it up, if she is that great there will be a queue of guys ready to settle down with her and have a family if that's what she wants. The OP can continue with his tournaments, its a win win for all.

Gavin83

TBeckett100 wrote: »

This is how I see it

You are a couple, you do couple things with people. You don't set aside real life and other peoples feelings for toys. You are not 15 anymore

In addition, the Pokemon will not have your children, be there when things are bad and attend your funeral. They won't cuddle you in bed and buy you things for your birthday. They won't cook you dinner either (and for the bra burners reading this, I'm not insinuating women do the cooking, just that a woman will cook more for a man than Pokemon will)

So when you are old and grey and firing up the 'tube' after hours online, just remember that Pokemon won't have a hand in it either. It's commerciality over emotions.

Do you honestly not think it even slightly unreasonable of his partner to spring a wedding on him a week before and expect him to drop his existing plans, regardless of what those plans are?

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sounds like the girlfriend wants to grow up, settle down... and maybe has grown apart from OP? I don't think it is necessarily intolerant of the girfriend to expect her partner to mature in the course of a 6 year relationship.

When you refer to maturing are we talking about the hobby or wanting marriage/children here? There is no reason he can't have his hobby and have a family if he so chooses.

TBeckett100

Gavin83 wrote: »

Do you honestly not think it even slightly unreasonable of his partner to spring a wedding on him a week before and expect him to drop his existing plans, regardless of what those plans are?



When you refer to maturing are we talking about the hobby or wanting marriage/children here? There is no reason he can't have his hobby and have a family if he so chooses.

Well one day she may spring news of a baby on him, then he'll have to grow up.

My wife springs stuff on me all the time. That's married life. then again, i did hate visiting relatives when I was 15 and preferred to stay home playing Sonic.

Hang on, I appear to be an adult now!

TBeckett100

I suspect the Pokemon fixation is probably the tip of the iceberg. He probably still leaves cereal bowls on the floor by the bed

Gavin83

Homeownertobe wrote: »

My opinion would be exactly the same if it was football.

Choosing something as ridiculous as a game over your adult relationship means you shouldn't be in one.

But its acceptable to choose something as ridiculous as going to see a show over your adult relationship?

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Well one day she may spring news of a baby on him, then he'll have to grow up.

My wife springs stuff on me all the time. That's married life. then again, i did hate visiting relatives when I was 15 and preferred to stay home playing Sonic.

Hang on, I appear to be an adult now!

You didn't answer my question, the first one that is, second wasn't aimed at you. Completely ignore the reason in the OP. As a stand alone question do you think its acceptable to tell your partner you want them to attend a wedding a week before it happens?

With all due respect if she was to spring the news of a baby on him I'd hope she'd be giving more notice than a week! Besides its a pointless thing to suggest. He's already said he doesn't want children so I would hope they're using suitable enough protection that accidents shouldn't be happening.

I'm also in a long term relationship, not married but I have been living with my girlfriend for some time now. I've never had anything a big as a wedding sprung on me with a weeks notice. Would you say that is normal?

I also have a few more questions for you:

1) Is your issue with this that he's choosing a hobby over this social situation with his girlfriend or is your issue with what the hobby actually is?

2) Do you have any hobbies of your own?

TBeckett100 wrote: »

I suspect the Pokemon fixation is probably the tip of the iceberg. He probably still leaves cereal bowls on the floor by the bed

I think its a little unfair to suggest just because he enjoys a hobby which is primarily aimed at children he acts like a child in all aspects of his life. This whole post is extremely presumptuous with the little information you have.

Gavin83

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Well one day she may spring news of a baby on him, then he'll have to grow up.

My wife springs stuff on me all the time. That's married life. then again, i did hate visiting relatives when I was 15 and preferred to stay home playing Sonic.

Hang on, I appear to be an adult now!

Sorry can you clarify what you mean by this as it is a little vague. Clearly if he did have a child he'd have to put a child first but I still don't see why he couldn't continue his hobby.

I'm also still not clear here when referring to his immaturity they're talking about his hobby or him not wanting children.