Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

duchy

TBeckett100 wrote: »

This is how I see it

You are a couple, you do couple things with people. You don't set aside real life and other peoples feelings for toys. You are not 15 anymore

Actually at 15 you probably want a partner who has exactly the same interests as you and thinks exactly as you do....when you mature and grow up you realize a good relationship is not about finding a clone and a healthy relationship is a mix of shared and seperate interests and what matters is shared values.

A strong relationship doesn't need a couple to do everything together and can withstand differing opinions and viewpoints when it is combined with mutual respect. When a couple do absolutely everything together usually one or both are insecure either in themselves or in the relationship.

Homeownertobe

Gavin83 wrote: »

But its acceptable to choose something as ridiculous as going to see a show over your adult relationship?

No. But there is a vast difference between a group of friends going to an adult event together and having made plans, and one man going to an event for CHILDREN on his own.

If you can't see how the former is more of a reason (though, admittedly not by much) to leave your partner alone during an important social event, than the latter, then I'm afraid it is you with the issue.

Homeownertobe

duchy wrote: »

Actually at 15 you probably want a partner who has exactly the same interests as you and thinks exactly as you do....when you mature and grow up you realize a good relationship is not about finding a clone and a healthy relationship is a mix of shared and seperate interests and what matters is shared values.

A strong relationship doesn't need a couple to do everything together and can withstand differing opinions and viewpoints when it is combined with mutual respect. When a couple do absolutely everything together usually one or both are insecure either in themselves or in the relationship.

Exactly right (though only the emboldened words).

One partner here wants to grow up, get married, have children and build a life together, and the other wants to play children's games.

It's clear they're not going to last.

GlasweJen

My other half loves fishing, he goes away on trips with the boys and buys expensive rods and reels and all sorts, I hate fishing. I don't know what the attraction is, it's boring.

I love Disney, I have figurines, DVDs and holiday to Walt Disney world as much as we can afford. I spend hours reading blogs and watching films, listening to my many sound track CDs and planning our next Disney holiday (our wedding!).

Do I need to grow up? I have a responsible job, have just been offered another one, hold a PVG so the police obviously don't have a problem with adults who have childish hobbies and I am generally a responsible adult with a clean house.

Loving Disney doesn't stunt my emotional intelligence and neither should Pokemon

Gavin83

Homeownertobe wrote: »

No. But there is a vast difference between a group of friends going to an adult event together and having made plans, and one man going to an event for CHILDREN on his own.

If you can't see how the former is more of a reason (though, admittedly not by much) to leave your partner alone during an important social event, than the latter, then I'm afraid it is you with the issue.

I don't believe the OP has stated he is going to the event on his own but feel free to correct me.

Just to clarify what part of that makes it a vast difference in your eyes? Is it the going with friends and therefore it would be unfair to let the friends down or is it the type of event? I guess what I'm asking is if he was going to the Pokemon event with a group of friends would that be on par with scenario A you listed above? Similarly if he was going to an 'adult' event alone would that be on par?

Look I'll level with you here. My issue with this is her expecting him to drop existing plans for an event which frankly isn't important to him in any way and she could easily attend on her own with only a weeks notice. I respect that relationships are about give and take but I fail to see how anyone here can't see how that's even a tiny bit selfish.

Gavin83

Homeownertobe wrote: »

Exactly right (though only the emboldened words).

One partner here wants to grow up, get married, have children and build a life together, and the other wants to play children's games.

It's clear they're not going to last.

Are you suggesting that if someone doesn't want children they're immature?

I do agree with you that they're not gonna last though, they clearly want different things in life. I really think your focusing too much on the hobby though, I'm sure there is much more to him and his desires in life than just Pokemon.

Once again I'll say it as well, I don't see how his choice of hobby and marriage/children are in any way related. He can have both or neither.

VestanPance

Got to laugh at the people calling this "childrens games" or telling him to "grow up". Pretty sure most of these would be the ones screaming emotional abuse if some woman came on telling us her man was issuing ultimatums over her hobby.

Let's look at the real context. He had existing plans. A very short time before he was due to carry out that plan she tries to force him to change them and then acts like petulant child when she doesn't get her way.

There's a child in this story, but it's not the OP!

TBeckett100

Gavin83 wrote: »

But its acceptable to choose something as ridiculous as going to see a show over your adult relationship?



You didn't answer my question, the first one that is, second wasn't aimed at you. Completely ignore the reason in the OP. As a stand alone question do you think its acceptable to tell your partner you want them to attend a wedding a week before it happens?

With all due respect if she was to spring the news of a baby on him I'd hope she'd be giving more notice than a week! Besides its a pointless thing to suggest. He's already said he doesn't want children so I would hope they're using suitable enough protection that accidents shouldn't be happening.

I'm also in a long term relationship, not married but I have been living with my girlfriend for some time now. I've never had anything a big as a wedding sprung on me with a weeks notice. Would you say that is normal?

I also have a few more questions for you:

1) Is your issue with this that he's choosing a hobby over this social situation with his girlfriend or is your issue with what the hobby actually is?

2) Do you have any hobbies of your own?



I think its a little unfair to suggest just because he enjoys a hobby which is primarily aimed at children he acts like a child in all aspects of his life. This whole post is extremely presumptuous with the little information you have.

If a wedding is thrown on us with a weeks notice then yes we would change plans, although the side issue is "have we been invited as back up guests?"

In a relationship you have to be a bit political. If it's a couple invite and they are friends then yes it would come over a children's hobby. That's my feeling and how I am as an individual. We also get invited to lots of things I cannot stand, but I oblige.

Do I have any hobbies? Yes, but i don't sit online playing games and going to conventions and breaking down my marriage over it.

My issue is also to do with the hobby. If it was something more adult and beneficial to society I can see where it may clash, but Pokemon? Really? I suspect anyone who likes a childhood game has a chilish streak and when the end of the relationship is in question, I suspect there are other traits of either selfishness or immaturity which snowballs the event
I suspect OPs unwillingness was the straw that broke the camels back.

TBeckett100

I would Google "Pokemon convention" and have a look at the images. I suspect they are all in bed by 7

Gavin83

TBeckett100 wrote: »

If a wedding is thrown on us with a weeks notice then yes we would change plans, although the side issue is "have we been invited as back up guests?"

In a relationship you have to be a bit political. If it's a couple invite and they are friends then yes it would come over a children's hobby. That's my feeling and how I am as an individual. We also get invited to lots of things I cannot stand, but I oblige.

Do I have any hobbies? Yes, but i don't sit online playing games and going to conventions and breaking down my marriage over it.

My issue is also to do with the hobby. If it was something more adult and beneficial to society I can see where it may clash, but Pokemon? Really? I suspect anyone who likes a childhood game has a chilish streak and when the end of the relationship is in question, I suspect there are other traits of either selfishness or immaturity which snowballs the event
I suspect OPs unwillingness was the straw that broke the camels back.

I get the impression that she's known about the wedding for a while. I fully respect that relationships are a bit political as you put it and it is entirely up to the couple what the outcome is. While I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their relationship for a hobby I wouldn't expect someone to end a relationship because their partner doesn't want to attend. I'm in a wedding dilemma at the moment, being asked to attend the wedding abroad of a person I don't particularly like and while I don't wish to go I expect I will to make my girlfriend happy.

With all due respect I'd imagine very few adults have hobbies which benefit society. Look I can understand your viewpoint, I just don't think it's fair to class one hobby as more worthy than another due to what is basically a personal opinion.

Also in the case of the OP it's been made clear the real reason for the breakdown is that she has changed her mind about wanting children.

While I also respect that the OP's hobby is childish I don't actually see anything wrong with that. It clearly brings him joy and isn't doing anyone any harm so what's the problem? If his girlfriend is ashamed of it then I'd suggest that's more her problem than hers.

Maybe I have a little more sympathy as I also have a hobby that is traditionally thought as a child's past time, I collect Lego. Admittedly there will be many more adults who do this than Pokemon and even Lego themselves have sets and events geared entirely towards adults but it is still a childish thing none the less. I also have very adult hobbies I partake in such as Muay Thai and rock climbing. I'm also able to be in a healthy relationship, run my own flat and hold down a job which includes a lot of responsibility. It is entirely possible to have childish hobbies and still be a fully functioning adult.