Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

Guest101

AshKetchum wrote: »

Your right VestanPance.
We can get married. I don't really want too, but it's just a piece of paper and if it made her feel more secure to have that then I can get behind that.
But kids are a whole different story. I don't want them. I'm 100% sure of that. I like my life as it is and I'm sure it would have to change drastically - All those hobbies I mentioned, I probably wouldn't have time for anymore.
We go on holiday at least 1-2 times a year and if we had kids, We probably wouldn't be able to afford too.
Knowing what you have to do and doing it are two different matters though.

OP, just to assist.

I enjoy Warhammer (the tabletop miniatures - Games Workshop). I did when i was a kid. For a while i stopped as studies and work etc took over. Met my (complicated situation) partner and we have a child. Yes some things, like regularly socialising took a back seat. But actually found i was able to take up the hobby of my youth, as it is cheaper than going out for one!

My partner isnt into it, but she supports me with it. (we may have other issues, but this was never one of them)

If you dont ever want to have kids that's fair enough.

To be honest men have much longer time to choose whether to have kids or not, but women are limited by age.

However if she wants kids and you dont, you must accept that it will never work. Fundamentally you have different aspirations.

KRB2725

I agree with the poster who says you can't compromise about children.

If you are not going to change your mind, then I think you need to split soon. I don't know how old you girlfriend is, but to come out of a long term relationship, meet someone new and be stable enough in that relationship to have children takes years. I don't think it is fair, on either of you, to drag this out.

As someone that never had a desire for children, was adamant that I didn't want them in fact, I will say that I consider them to be my greatest joy and achievement. I could never have imagined a life with children, now I could not imagine life without them. Nobody would have convinced me I would change my mind, I was late 30's when I did.

That said, there are plenty of people that don't change their minds and find their fulfilment elsewhere. You obviously feel you are in this category and therefore it is just as wrong for you to feel pressurised into having children as it would be for your girlfriend to feel pressurised into not having them.

duchy

I'd guess most people if you asked them at twenty if they wanted kids would say no -0 ask the same people at thirty and again at forty and it's a different answer. I was one of them - to the point that when I was pregnant at thirty most of our friends assumed it was an accident rather than the planned event it was !

Percy1983

duchy wrote: »

I'd guess most people if you asked them at twenty if they wanted kids would say no -0 ask the same people at thirty and again at forty and it's a different answer. I was one of them - to the point that when I was pregnant at thirty most of our friends assumed it was an accident rather than the planned event it was !

I should be 32 when our Son is born, wife should be 31 at the time, but if we comes a few weeks early we will both be 31, if a few weeks late we will both be 32. In short I am one month older and mini me is due between our birthdays.

The thing is from the start we were both of the thought of eventually and eventually finally came.

As others have said if you can't agree on children it is basically game over, its not as simple or cold as that but that is the issue you face.

Maddybee33

I'd guess most people if you asked them at twenty if they wanted kids would say no

I don't think that this is true. I'm in my 20s and I want a child- I think that most people do, just not right now.

Guest101

Percy1983 wrote: »

I should be 32 when our Son is born, wife should be 31 at the time, but if we comes a few weeks early we will both be 31, if a few weeks late we will both be 32. In short I am one month older and mini me is due between our birthdays.

The thing is from the start we were both of the thought of eventually and eventually finally came.

As others have said if you can't agree on children it is basically game over, its not as simple or cold as that but that is the issue you face.

Thats an expensive month!!

Congrats

DigForVictory

Owch. It's not good to find yourself in this situation, but better now than in a few years down the line.

For her, children are now something she is almost ready to walk away from 6 years for. That's an unpleasant thought for you both, so naturally she wants you to cooperate & make it easy for you both by agreeing with her.

For you, you have no biological clock ticking, there are no small cute people bubbling around your mental space persuading you that actually being a Da might be fun and there's no reason why you should change your mind any time soon. Men are fertile decades longer than women, too.

Either you can persuade her to accept that you'll cooperate as far as matrimony but that's all, or you can't. At which point, lumpy though it is, you may have to hold the door open as she walks out on the past & present to wherever she sees her future.

If it does all disassemble, at least you both have distinct pools of folk to weep on the shoulders of - she has her work cohort & you have your fellow Pokemon enthusiasts.

It's clearly not pleasant. Worse, in a few years time, you *may* mellow into the view that actually children might be interesting & worth the effort. Worst of all would be to find yourself married & a father *before* you've come round to the idea & thus feel trapped & resentful. It's surely better to hold the door open & watch six happy years walk away than feel it shut penning at least one adult into a world they didn't sign up to.
All the best.

Guest101

I think a lot of men are apprehensive about having children, right up until they see them born and they become 'real'. At that point it's unconditional.

I know this isnt true for everyone, in either extreme. IE always wanted, never want to.

People are selfish. It's evident at various levels. But ultimately we want whats best for us, and what's best for people important to us. Children change that, and it becomes what's important for them and that's it. - it can be hard to adjust.

carmina_piranha

My BIL didn't want to get married. It wasn't that he didn't see his future with my sister, the real reason for avoiding marriage was that once he'd taken the plunge people, and her, would be expecting babies to follow shortly after.

Gavin83

lynsayjane wrote: »

If I have the timeline correct they were early 20's when they met and early 30's now? I think it's perfectly ok for someone's biological clock to kick in and realise that what they thought they wanted back then isn't the same as it is now. In your early 20's you're off exploring the world whether that's travelling/holidays etc but you're growing and finding yourself as a person. At your early 30's generally you're more settled and that could very well be the time you realise you do want t get married and have a family, especially if friends and family are doing it. It's amazing how broody people get when surrounded by kids.

I second the suggestion that if the OP is utterly convinced he doesn't want a family that he should give her the chance to find someone else who does want the same things as her and I hope he doesn't grow to regret it in time.

Maybe so. However it's no less gutting when you've built your life with someone and then they change their mind about such a fundamental issue. For those with kids imagine it reversed, having been in a relationship with someone for 6 years who wanted kids and then one day decided they didn't. It's their right to change their mind but it's still gonna kick you where it hurts.

duchy wrote: »

I'd guess most people if you asked them at twenty if they wanted kids would say no -0 ask the same people at thirty and again at forty and it's a different answer. I was one of them - to the point that when I was pregnant at thirty most of our friends assumed it was an accident rather than the planned event it was !

It's impossible to say. I know plenty of people, male and female who wanted kids from an early age. Similarly I don't think it's unreasonable to assume someone won't change their mind.