Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

Homeownertobe

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't believe the OP has stated he is going to the event on his own but feel free to correct me.

Just to clarify what part of that makes it a vast difference in your eyes? Is it the going with friends and therefore it would be unfair to let the friends down or is it the type of event?

The friends, but also the type of event to a lesser extent.

Gavin83 wrote: »

I guess what I'm asking is if he was going to the Pokemon event with a group of friends would that be on par with scenario A you listed above?

Yes. Though I wouldn't be shouting from the rooftops that that was the excuse for him leaving me alone at a wedding.

Gavin83 wrote: »

Similarly if he was going to an 'adult' event alone would that be on par?

No.

Gavin83 wrote: »

Look I'll level with you here. My issue with this is her expecting him to drop existing plans for an event which frankly isn't important to him in any way and she could easily attend on her own with only a weeks notice. I respect that relationships are about give and take but I fail to see how anyone here can't see how that's even a tiny bit selfish.

If supporting his partner at a social event that is important to her, isn't important to him - or, less important than playing a game with a load of children - then she's not the one with the problem.

Homeownertobe

VestanPance wrote: »

Got to laugh at the people calling this "childrens games" or telling him to "grow up". Pretty sure most of these would be the ones screaming emotional abuse if some woman came on telling us her man was issuing ultimatums over her hobby.

Let's look at the real context. He had existing plans. A very short time before he was due to carry out that plan she tries to force him to change them and then acts like petulant child when she doesn't get her way.

There's a child in this story, but it's not the OP!

It is a game for children - that's a fact, not something you can pretend isn't the case.

So your post is invalid. You're welcome.

mariposa687

The issue here is the marriage/kids thing, not Pokemon. You don't end a long term relationship over something like that. Putting the initial issue aside, if you don't want kids you have to let her go so that she can have that with someone else. I know that's painful to read but if you're not going to change your mind, you are just not compatible as you don't want the same things. It's also not fair for her to have to wait until you (may or may not) change your mind, you can't do that to someone.

It would also not be fair on any potential children to have to grow with a father who decided to have children even though he didn't want to. You may end up resenting them so it's not a good situation for anyone.

heartbreak_star

"Supporting his partner at a social event"?

If she can't support herself at her mate's wedding without her partner (who knows nobody there) then it's her that needs to grow up IMO, I'm afraid.

I coach and participate in a competitive sport, and OH has never watched me compete. Why? Because other than the brief performances of my team he'd be horribly bored. I'm confident enough to not feel the need to inflict that on him because I "need his support".

When you're in a relationship, you're not joined at the hip are you?

HBS x

VestanPance

Homeownertobe wrote: »

If supporting his partner at a social event that is important to her, isn't important to him - or, less important than playing a game with a load of children - then she's not the one with the problem.

You are correct. She should support her partner at his social event, not try to prevent him going.

Plus I think you'll find that Pokemon games sell to people of all ages. Maybe you need to join the current century and not the 19th century.

VestanPance

heartbreak_star wrote: »

"Supporting his partner at a social event"?

If she can't support herself at her mate's wedding without her partner (who knows nobody there) then it's her that needs to grow up IMO, I'm afraid.

I coach and participate in a competitive sport, and OH has never watched me compete. Why? Because other than the brief performances of my team he'd be horribly bored. I'm confident enough to not feel the need to inflict that on him because I "need his support".

When you're in a relationship, you're not joined at the hip are you?

HBS x

It's also a works do by the sounds of it., so she'll have plenty of workmates there to socialise with.

It's not like the guy's abandoned her over some long planned family wedding. It'll be some evening invite to a wedding of someone she probably is at best just an acquaintance with.

The tone is funny in the people struggling with a grown man that plays games, particularly Pokemon. Think they'd be in shock at how may adults are massive fans of Nintendo games. The frightening part is the idea that the man should drop everything just to please his partner. If she's that much of a spoilt little princess he'd be better off finding someone else.

Maddybee33

There's a vast difference between a social event with a group of friends - something for grown-ups, basically - and choosing to leave your OH alone at a wedding so you can go and play a game designed for 7-year-old kids.

Do you know the average age of the people who attend these things? I'd wager that it's quite a bit higher than you think, and he probably is with a group of friends- people who accept and share the same interests as him. It never ceases to amaze me just how aggressively people think it's their business to judge what someone enjoys. Unless YOU personally are funding his habit, you have no say (no matter how much this upsets you).

At the end of the day, marriage is a piece of paper. A commitment. The statistics of people keeping that commitment are very low. Children is the issue that really matters here- even then, I'd argue that if the parents are having arguments over hobbies, it's not really the right environment for children anyway.

lynsayjane

Gavin83 wrote: »

This is kind of unimportant though as the main issue seems to be children. There's no easy way of saying this but I think your relationship has run its course. If she really wants children and you don't then there isn't really any compromise there. You really should split and both find a partner more suitable to your own outlook on life. Its frustrating shes changed her mind and in your shoes I'd be extremely upset by that but none the less you have to accept it.

If I have the timeline correct they were early 20's when they met and early 30's now? I think it's perfectly ok for someone's biological clock to kick in and realise that what they thought they wanted back then isn't the same as it is now. In your early 20's you're off exploring the world whether that's travelling/holidays etc but you're growing and finding yourself as a person. At your early 30's generally you're more settled and that could very well be the time you realise you do want t get married and have a family, especially if friends and family are doing it. It's amazing how broody people get when surrounded by kids.

I second the suggestion that if the OP is utterly convinced he doesn't want a family that he should give her the chance to find someone else who does want the same things as her and I hope he doesn't grow to regret it in time.

JasX

Homeownertobe wrote: »

It is a game for children - that's a fact, not something you can pretend isn't the case.

So your post is invalid. You're welcome.

What a genuinely petty, mean, small minded person.

God forbid anyone ever marries or has to go to a social event with people like this.

I have a friend who has been quite into a similar "kids" game, over the last 5 years he's turned it into a very successful online business from which he now provides a very comfortable life for his wife and upcoming own kids from.

Had he met some complete b**ch who'd forced him to stop his hobby that probably wouldn't have happened.

If you're genuinely enthuiastic about something.....

Percy1983

I will say I have been a geek my entire life and was one when I met my now wife. She has fully embraced my geekhood and took advantage of it for her techy needs but doesn't complain when we have days out at geekfest (the name we use for the 2-3 gaming/retro gaming) I go to every year.

It seems that this has always been a part of him so why should he change that.

As others have said, it does seem this maybe the point you should both think about the future, things like having children are real deal breakers and if you are pulling in opposite directions its not fair on either of you to drag out the inevitable end.