Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

Maddybee33

Do generally make sure this pokemon thing isn't casting an unreasonably large shadow over the relationship tho. These things are all about balance.

ie Tournament 1-2 times a year max and only occasional casual play = good place to be. With plenty of time for paying attention to girlfriend and doing say, vaguely cultural stuff other weekends...

Multiple tournaments a year and an unreasonable portion of income spend on pokemon, plus online pokemon casual play most evenings after work instead of paying attention to girlfriend = bad place to be and expect to be single if things don't rebalance sharpish.

I'm sorry, but THAT is unreasonable! If someone enjoys something and it's their hobby then to limit them to just 'once or twice a year' because it makes YOU feel insecure is childish and, in itself, should spell the end of any healthy relationship. Controlling every aspect of a SO's life= VERY bad place to be.

My boyfriend (of 6 years also) enjoys Xwing. Me? I couldn't care less about it, but I want him to go to the tournaments (usually once a month- GASP 12 TIMES A YEAR) because I love him, and he enjoys it a lot. He also buys the game pieces for it, which aren't cheap- and he does have a couple of boxes full of them... but if it brings him joy- WHO CARES? It's his money, he can spend it on stuff he enjoys.

So many people will frown at people spending time and money on things THEY don't deem socially acceptable and try to tell someone that they're 'not allowed' (seriously?) while at the same time spending their money on things they don't need either- hypocrites.

onomatopoeia99

meer53 wrote: »

No, because i feel that the OP's partners hobby is one that is more suited to an 11 year old.

Hobbies are suited to those that enjoy them. Intolerance suits no-one.

Maddybee33

Someone in their 30s choosing a child's game over their relationship is not someone who should be in an adult relationship.

I'd say exactly the same thing about intolerant, judgemental people being in an adult relationship.

Who said that OP was CHOOSING one over the other? He had made a prior arrangement. If you had arranged, and bought tickets to a show that you were going to see with a group of friends, would you just cancel with them if your SO told you the night before an event that they wanted you to go to that with them (knowing full well of your other plans)?

meer53

Maddybee33 wrote: »

I'd say exactly the same thing about intolerant, judgemental people being in an adult relationship.

Who said that OP was CHOOSING one over the other? He had made a prior arrangement. If you had arranged, and bought tickets to a show that you were going to see with a group of friends, would you just cancel with them if your SO told you the night before an event that they wanted you to go to that with them (knowing full well of your other plans)?

The OP's girlfriend has left him because of this issue. There is obviously more to this than we are aware of.

Maddybee33

Maybe, maybe not. Whether there is more to this is something that only he is aware of. Personally, I know some people can get very funny- my stepmother's favourite line is 'I know 8 year old's that play the DS'- to which my response is always 'that's nice.'

Gavin83

There is more to this, he's already explained. She wants marriage and kids, he doesn't.

duchy

If you love her so much and can't imagine a future without her- it begs the question why you won't make the commitment of marriage to her.

Marriage is a public declaration that you are committing to each other for the rest of your lives - beyond that every couple does it their way.

Maybe your conversation with your GF should be about why you don't see yourself growing old with your girlfriend.

If you are serious about never wanting children and she definitely wants them - then maybe you should set her free to find a man who does want the same things she does.

You do need to talk about why you don't want to make a commitment to her and would prefer to be alone rather than in a loving relationship with her. Relationships aren't static- they evolve . There comes a point where you either make a serious commitment to each other ( doesn't have to be marriage) or you split because it isn't going where you see yourself eventually.

AshKetchum wrote: »

Thanks laughing. I don't want to lead her on and make her think that I will also change my mind and start wanting marriage/kids. I love her so much and can't imagine my life with anyone else but I do not want to get married and have kids and I know my mind won't change. So what do I do? My choices as I see them are

1 - Break up and let her find someone who can give her what she wants
2 - Stay together and get married and have a family and hope that I do not end up in resentment
3 - Hope that she will change her mind again and realise that she does not want marriage/family

Homeownertobe

Maddybee33 wrote: »

I'd say exactly the same thing about intolerant, judgemental people being in an adult relationship.

Who said that OP was CHOOSING one over the other? He had made a prior arrangement. If you had arranged, and bought tickets to a show that you were going to see with a group of friends, would you just cancel with them if your SO told you the night before an event that they wanted you to go to that with them (knowing full well of your other plans)?

There's a vast difference between a social event with a group of friends - something for grown-ups, basically - and choosing to leave your OH alone at a wedding so you can go and play a game designed for 7-year-old kids.

Homeownertobe

duchy wrote: »

What a stupid thing to say

Plenty of people have hobbies others don't see the point of (can there be anything more childish than travelling to see 22 men kick a ball around a field for example - the same game 9 year olds play in the school playground).

Not everyone is a sheep and conforms to your idea of what is and isn't an acceptable hobby.

The issue isn't the hobby - it's the time and commitment given to it -and how that impacts on the relationship.

It does sound odd that the GF only knew about the wedding at a week's notice- and maybe she is testing the OP as to whether she is more important than his hobby (which is a pretty childish thing to do) by dropping it on him with little notice.

My opinion would be exactly the same if it was football.

Choosing something as ridiculous as a game over your adult relationship means you shouldn't be in one.

Pixie5740

I think the biggest issue you have is her desire to have children whilst you don't want them. To me that's a deal breaker.

A very good friend of mine desperately wants marriage and children but her boyfriend doesn't. They split up a few times over this and every time he promises that they will get married and try for a baby and as soon as they're back together he goes back on this because ultimately he doesn't want to get married (in fact he's still married to his wife even though they've been separated for over 7 years) and he doesn't want to be a father.

My friend should have left him years ago but she's scared of being alone. She'll be 40 this year so time is running out for her and it makes her feel so sad.