Girlfriend left me over Pokemon

rachy182

Most poster must be over 30 and never grew up when pokemon was everywhere. For anyone around mid 20s it would be a part of their childhood so i could excuse the op if they are around this age and still showed a continued interest. By this thread im a sad case as well because every few months ill get my pokemon video game out if im bored to help pass a few hours. I obviously didn't get the memo that once you turn 16 you can no longer have certain hobbies and should take up proper adult interests like calligraphy.

As long as a couple spend quality time together then it shouldn't matter what their hobbies are. You dont have to spend every minute together and it is healthy for the relationship. Me and my partner have different hobbies, some of them i admit are embarrassing but if it keeps me entertained and helps me relax then its no one elses business how me or my partner spend my spare time. I would rather my partner was a pokemon fan who only spent an hour max a week and then 2 days a year on it than him being interested in something more acceptable like football but spends at least a whole day each week on it and impacted on our time together.

To me if you take away what the event is then the gf is in the wrong. The gf must have known about the wedding for a while and never mentioned it but expected the op to drop whatever he was doing even if its been planned for months. At least if there was more warning maybe they could have a compromise eg they go earlier to the convention to be back in time for some of the wedding.

Pechow

rachy182 wrote: »

Most poster must be over 30 and never grew up when pokemon was everywhere. For anyone around mid 20s it would be a part of their childhood so i could excuse the op if they are around this age and still showed a continued interest. By this thread im a sad case as well because every few months ill get my pokemon video game out if im bored to help pass a few hours. I obviously didn't get the memo that once you turn 16 you can no longer have certain hobbies and should take up proper adult interests like calligraphy.

You're right-the first game was released in 1996, and in the UK in 1999. 16 years ago! And there have been all the other games released in the meanwhile. Loads of people have grown up playing Pokemon at various stages of their lives, is it really surprising that they'd continue into adulthood?

http://www.siliconera.com/2014/12/01/pokemons-audience-growing-older/

I still play it on occasion-one of it's greatest strengths is actually how it can be played by almost any age, and they'll get something different out of it. A kid can pick it up and play through with whatever they think looks coolest, but most will struggle with IV/EVs and the competitive battling part I've found lots of other adults who still play, and very few who truly care that I/we still do.

The trading card game is a whole different beast, and I don't know much about it other than it's still going strong and certainly enough adults play that there are multiple age range categories for the tournaments.

Loz01

Surely theres two issues here, one being the OP's other half feels a bit abandoned and wants to be seen with her partner at social events (understandable) and the other issue is why should the OP have to give up a genuine interest or hobby just because they have now "grown up"? They should be able to love Pokemon all they want! Surely its about compromise - OP needs to go with his girlfriend to some events and be a "grown up", I agree BUT his OH should also respect the fact that Pokemon is his interest. You wouldn't tell someone who loved football or going to the gym to give up their interest and what they enjoy doing, so why should this guy?

duchy

Suppose the post was "My girlfriend is an avid doll collector -it's her passion and once a year she goes to an important doll collecters event in London. My workmate Tom who I get on well with at work but never see out of work is getting married next weekend has just given me an invitation to his wedding (very short notice but some of his relatves are now not going). Should I ask my girlfriend to cancel her doll event so we can go as a couple or would that be a bit selfish of me ?

I'm actually a bit amazed that one of the previous posters would cancel an important event (to their partner) when handed an afterthought wedding invitation (clearly they weren't good enough friends to be on the proper guest list) with no doubt the expectation of a present too.

If the OP's girlfriend didn't go to the hen night then they probably aren't friends but work collegues anyway.

System

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Well one day she may spring news of a baby on him, then he'll have to grow up.

My wife springs stuff on me all the time. That's married life. then again, i did hate visiting relatives when I was 15 and preferred to stay home playing Sonic.

Hang on, I appear to be an adult now!

You can do both

My friends who've just had their first baby still have hobbies (including pokemon, as it happens i sometimes play with them), doesn't mean they're not mature enough to have a realtionship and kids. Though it helps they have similar interests i guess.

Personally i think the gf was unfair to demand the bf go to this wedding at such short notice, especially if she knew he already have plans (regardless of what those plans are, be it pokemon, fishing, football, etc)

However i think the OP has bigger problems at hand if the gf wants to settle down and he doesn't.

carmina_piranha

Homeownertobe wrote: »

No. But there is a vast difference between a group of friends going to an adult event together and having made plans, and one man going to an event for CHILDREN on his own.

If you can't see how the former is more of a reason (though, admittedly not by much) to leave your partner alone during an important social event, than the latter, then I'm afraid it is you with the issue.

It's not an important social event - it's the wedding of a work colleague that he hasn't even met! If the work colleague was close to the gf surely he would have met her by now?

He's not leaving her alone, she will have her work colleagues. If the wedding was her sister or her best friend then it would be more important than his existing plans, but in that circumstance he would have had enough notice not to have made those other plans.

I don't think the nature of his hobby is important here - it's the fact that it's a long-standing hobby and he had made plans. Lots of hobbies are for children as well as adults. My husband took the 9 year old to Comicon and he said there were loads of adults there without children. It wasn't my husband's first choice of weekend activity, neither was the Dr Who exhibition he took him to. I'm not mad keen on Pingu but I took him to Butlins when he was small. A hobby is something that a person enjoys.

AshKetchum

I find it funny that someone mentioned the doll collecting as my gf does collect dolls - The porcelain dolls which I find quite freaky if I'm honest and she has about 50 of them guarding the bedroom! :eek:
I also find it quite funny the few people judging me as being childish for liking pokemon (I'm not going to the tournament by myself by the way ) - While I do love it, have done for a long time, have all the games even some figurines and plushes and whatnot, It's not my only hobby - I have many of them.
I do also enjoy football (watching and playing) rock climbing, abseiling, white water rafting, diving, I go to the gym 3-5 times a week and many more - Many of them I do with my gf too. I'd say my life is pretty balanced.
As for the relationship, It's been a pretty tough few days. We seem to be going around and around in circles and getting nowhere really.
She still wants to try and persuade me that marriage and kids will be great.
I'm still trying to persuade her our life is great without them.
I think a lot of you are right that I might have to let her go so that she can find someone to give her what she wants/needs. But 6 years is a long time and I'm finding it really really difficult to turn feelings off and just walk away

VestanPance

The kids discussion is the real issue you need to face.

If you are certain you don't want them then it's over between you. The longer you drag it out the worse it'll be. There are many things you can compromise on in a relationship, but to have children or not isn't one of them.

AshKetchum

Your right VestanPance.
We can get married. I don't really want too, but it's just a piece of paper and if it made her feel more secure to have that then I can get behind that.
But kids are a whole different story. I don't want them. I'm 100% sure of that. I like my life as it is and I'm sure it would have to change drastically - All those hobbies I mentioned, I probably wouldn't have time for anymore.
We go on holiday at least 1-2 times a year and if we had kids, We probably wouldn't be able to afford too.
Knowing what you have to do and doing it are two different matters though.

duchy

AshKetchum wrote: »

I find it funny that someone mentioned the doll collecting as my gf does collect dolls - The porcelain dolls which I find quite freaky if I'm honest and she has about 50 of them guarding the bedroom! :eek:

I was trying to find a hobby/passion that the less enlightened/tolerant would find "childish" too

As she has her passions too it just underlines the tourny v wedding scenario was just a symptom of her wanting to see if not an engagement ring then a definite commitment from you. It isn't unusual for a previously completely silent biological clock to jump to the forefront when certain age milestones are reached and women who have always seen kids as a maybe or a "one day" scenario suddenly realize time is starting to run out and they start evaluating their relationships. If you can understand this then maybe it'll help you both work through what you want and need in the long term. You might want to ask yourself why you don't want the commitment of marriage as a seperate issue to kids.

I won one of those dolls at a fan event once in the US - the darn thing was a complete pain as I had to lug it home and it gave me the creeps once home (it was a gorgeous doll and very collectable just not my thing) so I sold it to a collector who was thrilled to have it )