I don't want children - Am I selfish?

[Deleted User]

DKLS wrote: »

My mate said the very same thing at the weekend, i have minded my nieces and nephews over the years and they are good fun but so tiring I couldn't have them full time and have my own life.

TBH to me it seems like taking on a 2nd full-time, very poorly paid, stressful job with long hours and a sackful of worry for intangible rewards. If someone posted a truthful job description of parenting I wonder how many would apply.

Of course this applies to those that actually parent and not those who want their child to be their best friend and minded by the TV or iPad.

What's worse is is a job with no description, and no training or instruction manual. Also, no one warns you that kids come pre-programmed with their own distinct personalities that may clash with yours. Even if you think you're good at parenting, there will be someone who strongly disagrees with how you do things; or you'll !!!! something up creating long term consequences.

They fůck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fůcked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Honestly though, I don't think you really experience 'grownup-ness' until you've had the ultimate responsibility of parenting. That fear in the pit of your stomach before a parents evening. Nursing a teething baby at 3am. Deciding how to handle a high temperature in a toddler. Cleaning a bedroom floor covered in poop. Answering those hard existential questions only a 5 year old can ask (Which I swear is where religion came from). Managing a schedule of football classes, vaccinations, your own life (ha!), after school clubs, school meetings..

Parenting can be !!!!!, it can be great. It's hard work, it's also fun and rewarding. I hope that those people missing out of it fill their lives with other good things instead

Edit: While we're at it, can I ask for a volunteer to take my son to 35 children's parties next year?

ineed

Not at all selfish, I'm the same actually, 27 and never wanted kids, I really don't like babies tbh. OH is the same but we may foster older children at some point and wouldn't rule out adoption of those older children. We just have no desire to have our own.

Gloomendoom

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Honestly though, I don't think you really experience 'grownup-ness' until you've had the ultimate responsibility of parenting.

Don't assume that everybody wants to "grow up."

POPPYOSCAR

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Could it be construed as being selfish to assume that your children and grandchildren will act as some sort of insurance policy against loneliness in old age?

Albeit one that does not always pay out.


There are many very lonely people with children and grandchildren who I would say are even lonelier because they do have family that rarely/never bother with them.

bugslet

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Albeit one that does not always pay out.


There are many very lonely people with children and grandchildren who I would say are even lonelier because they do have family that rarely/never bother with them.

When Mr Bugs was in a care home, it was sad to see how many of the residents were in essence forgotten about.

I used to visit him three times a week and in the10 months he was there, I got to know the staff and other visitors. Some of the residents would go months with no-one to see them and yet their grown up children lived in the same town.

One particular lady after months of being ignored was taken to Spain for a week by her family, which would be nice if there wasn't a lurking suspicion that her estate bore costs not assoicated solely with her own trip ahem, and then she came back, was swiftly deposited back at the home. Shortly after the staff had to call the emergency doctor out to dress the serious burns on her legs after they had left her out in the sun and forgotten about her.

They just did not care about their mother:(. I probably talked to her more than they did.

Goldiegirl

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Parenting can be !!!!!, it can be great. It's hard work, it's also fun and rewarding. I hope that those people missing out of it fill their lives with other good things instead

How can I be missing out on something that I have no interest in?


I've made a decision to be childfree, so I don't get what I'm supposed to be missing out on

POPPYOSCAR

bugslet wrote: »

When Mr Bugs was in a care home, it was sad to see how many of the residents were in essence forgotten about.

I used to visit him three times a week and in the10 months he was there, I got to know the staff and other visitors. Some of the residents would go months with no-one to see them and yet their grown up children lived in the same town.

One particular lady after months of being ignored was taken to Spain for a week by her family, which would be nice if there wasn't a lurking suspicion that her estate bore costs not assoicated solely with her own trip ahem, and then she came back, was swiftly deposited back at the home. Shortly after the staff had to call the emergency doctor out to dress the serious burns on her legs after they had left her out in the sun and forgotten about her.

They just did not care about their mother:(. I probably talked to her more than they did.

Sadly, this is often the case.


I have visited in the past and also very recently and very few relatives were there be it during the day, evening or weekend.

Errata

When Mr Bugs was in a care home, it was sad to see how many of the residents were in essence forgotten about.

Indeed, but sometimes relatives / friends are scattered all over the place, and sometimes residents had been very unkind to their relatives when younger. There are always reasons for people being visited and not visited.

bugslet

Errata wrote: »

Indeed, but sometimes relatives / friends are scattered all over the place, and sometimes residents had been very unkind to their relatives when younger. There are always reasons for people being visited and not visited.

Absolutely Errata, but the majority - actually as far as I am aware - all the residents had family that lived locally, say within 30 mile radius. I can't imagine all of them were so terrible! In fairness, Mr Bugs home catered for the most difficult of dementia patients, it was very hard to see someone so mentally and physically reduced and I could understand why it would be difficult to visit.

My comments were made in response to the idea that your children take care of you in old age and it would seem that is not always the case.

Loz01

This thread is v. apt, especially after today! Im 28 and don't know if I want kids, maybe, maybe not. But I already feel on the bioloigical scrapheap - at work I get asked if I want kids/when Im having them, how does my boyfriend feel about it, how I better hurry up because Ill soon be 30 etc!! I feel like telling everyone where to go, and not politely :rotfl: someone I work with is a single mum of 4 kids but Id never dream of saying to her why did you have 4 kids, why not 1 etc! I feel like people with kids feel its their god given right to be nosey and ask WHY I haven't had a baby yet! Its even worse if you say "I don't think I want kids", people look at you like youre an alien and ask why not!