I don't want children - Am I selfish?

Gavin83

fierystormcloud wrote: »

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

So what if your life is like this? Would having children be a bad idea?

jjj1980

I agree with Zagref's comments here. After not lifting a finger to help with her from birth, my ex-h walked out when our daughter was 4 months old. I actually found it easier without him as I was able to get my routine with set in place, without the hope of getting any help.

I can honestly say I never have and still don't feel as though I need to get her to bed early as I need a break from her. she has also always been a 9/10 o'clock bedtime as that is when she naturally feels sleepy. Unfortunately, she has always needed very little sleep and is quite often wide awake by 6.30/7 😕

As long as both partners are in agreement, I don't see there being anything selfish about not wanting children. This needs to be made clear at the very start of a relationship though!

Gloomendoom

fierystormcloud wrote: »

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway!

But some do, and the rest at least have the option.

zagfles

Gavin83 wrote: »

So what if your life is like this? Would having children be a bad idea?

Our life was like that before we had kids! In the 6 years I was with my wife before we had kids we'd typically go on two long haul holidays a year, or one big one, plus a few short breaks in the UK and Europe. Before that I'd done loads of travelling on my own or with friends.

We did all the stuff we wanted to do which would be impractical or expensive with kids before we had them, with plans to do shorter trips just sticking to UK & Europe when we had kids.

So to answer your question - yes it's a definitely a bad idea if it stops you doing stuff you want to do. Do that first - then have kids. If you want them of course!

But kids never stopped us travelling - trips to Europe are easy with young kids and not much more expensive than going as a couple.

zagfles

Gloomendoom wrote: »

But some do, and the rest at least have the option.

You know Mr Wang from the travel board don't you? Try telling him to stop travelling just because he has kids! His website is a brilliant read, and it's obvious that for him, having the kids with him on his travels is what makes his trips so special.

http://www.thesummerholidayofalifetime.com

The writer of the guidebook I used when I backpacked round Malaysia had done it with an 8 month old baby!

I discounted taking kids on backpacking holidays, but it's certainly possible if that's what you want to do!

PenguinOfDeath

zagfles wrote: »

Actually this is probably a good test of whether you're cut out to be a parent. How would you prefer to spend a day on the beach:

a) Reading a book while topping up your tan, with the occasional 10 mins doing breaststroke in the sea

b) Spalshing around in the sea with the kids playing daft games and then having a game of beach cricket

I'd prefer reading in the shade with a cocktail in hand after a game of beach cricket, with no kids around. Conclusive enough? :A

gellerbing

not wanting kids is definitely not selfish in the slightest, people need to realise that some people want them and others don't, theres nothing wrong with that at all.
I used to want kids right up until my early 20's but now in my early 30's i have absolutely no desire to ever have them, I don't hate kids as i work with them but that's all i want to do, i like to come home to peace and quiet, go anywhere i want whenever i want without trying to find a babysitter, have nice things without having to worry about any little ones breaking or ruining them, i love the childfree life and wouldn't change it for the world.

zagfles

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

I'd prefer reading in the shade with a cocktail in hand after a game of beach cricket, with no kids around. Conclusive enough? :A

You failed

PenguinOfDeath

zagfles wrote: »

You failed

Nothing new there then

20aday

Some interesting posts on this thread.

I don't think it at all selfish not to want children; there's ample time to 'change' your mind (after all, it's your prerogative) and you've discussed it with your OH.

I've never wanted children due to my own upbringing. My Mum's done a stellar job of bringing my siblings and I up but my 'father' was somewhat of a massive disappointment.

I'd hate to raise little ones knowing there's a chance I'd let them down like I was. I'd sincerely hope I wouldn't repeat history but it's a chance I'm not willing to take.