I don't want children - Am I selfish?

zagfles

kboss2010 wrote: »

That's why it would be good to see some better studies.

But why? And how would you construct such a study? And what use would it be to anyone? Even the link you posted the person doing the study decided to become a parent!

No way anyone with any sense would make a decision whether to be a parent on such a study any more than what hobby they choose, or what they feed their pet.

I once knew of a guy who got funding to conduct a 25 year study into what makes people happy and he travelled the globe asking different groups of people questions... what I want to know the most is who the heck funded this study and how do I get paid to go on a jolly asking people if they're happy for the next 25 years lol!

So you have a motive! The conclusion probably was "more research needed" :rotfl:

zagfles

LameWolf wrote: »

Are you my long-lost twin?:D
I'm a host for a dog-sitting service, and I can't wait for my next guest to arrive (tomorrow morning). One of my most time-consuming charges had some form of doggy dementia, and (to put it nicely) had to be cleaned up after quite a bit. (I resorted to putting a "carpet" of newspaper throughout the bungalow).
I absolutely loved that little dog to bits and was heartbroken when I heard that she'd died.
But the very idea of changing a poopy nappy makes me feel nauseous.
I guess it's horses for courses.:o

Exactly - when I was kid I saw my friend's mum's dog eat its puppies poo, then come back in the house and licked her! I came so close the wretching!

Nappies are no problem. Much preferred changing nappies to doing any sort of housework!

System

Kids have always freaked me out to a degree....like ..what do you do with them? How do you make them stop crying? etc

But i'm mellowing now, my best friends baby somehow melted me, when i held him i just felt so like "awww so this is what feeling broody is" :eek:

But i fully accept that some people will never ever experience that feeling, and you know what? So what? Does it really matter? I mean if someone is happy without children, knows they don't want them, then what harm is that actually doing anyone?

I think, well i suppose cos of the way we're supposed to be wired (to evolve/reproduce) that is seem as "the norm" but whos to say what is normal? Its different for everyone.

dktreesea

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't want children but had a very happy childhood and couldn't have been more wanted so I don't think it's that. I just genuinely think you either have the urge or you don't, an inbuilt desire.

I succumbed to a biological clock, and went from not wanting children at all to really wanting them. While I have enjoyed my children in parts, I still don't think I am really the maternal type.

[Deleted User]

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Kids have always freaked me out to a degree....like ..what do you do with them? How do you make them stop crying? etc

Well.. you either feed them, clean them, entertain them... or in the case of my son; wait 2-4 hours and he'd eventually get so tired of crying from gastric-reflux pain he'd go to sleep.

The real trick is working out how to stop baby crying noises getting to you and accepting that sometimes babies just cry.

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I think, well i suppose cos of the way we're supposed to be wired (to evolve/reproduce) that is seem as "the norm" but whos to say what is normal? Its different for everyone.

It's only a 'choice' in societies where our standard of living has reached a point we don't 'need' children. Generally, the more developed a country is the lower the birthrate gets because more people 'choose' to not want kids. Funny how the norm changes?

fierystormcloud

People keep saying 'YOOOOOOU don't have kids so you don't know what you're talking about!' But it makes no odds! I have 4 sisters with 9 kids between them, and several friends with kids, and so I know what I'm talking about.

You can do virtually everything when you have kids that you can do without them. Maybe things are a bit different, but you can still do the same; probably more.

If people want to kid themselves otherwise, and tell themselves that their childfree life is SO much better than that of people with children, and that everyone they know with children HATES their children, then you go ahead and do that; it doesn't make it true.

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

LilElvis

fierystormcloud wrote: »

People keep saying 'YOOOOOOU don't have kids so you don't know what you're talking about!' But it makes no odds! I have 4 sisters with 9 kids between them, and several friends with kids, and so I know what I'm talking about.

You can do virtually everything when you have kids that you can do without them. Maybe things are a bit different, but you can still do the same; probably more.

If people want to kid themselves otherwise, and tell themselves that their childfree life is SO much better than that of people with children, and that everyone they know with children HATES their children, then you go ahead and do that; it doesn't make it true.

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

Repeating yourself again.

Having nieces and nephews is not the same as having your own children, no matter what you think. If/when you have a child you will understand this.

No, you can't do the same stuff. Nice to see you mentioning holidays .... again. No you can't do the same holidays when you have kids. Had a lovely time at Victoria Falls .... wouldn't take a child there, far too dangerous. Love going to Italy - they generally don't go out to eat until gone 9pm - bit late for your average British child. We've been to Africa most years of the fourteen we have been together and I've racked up a couple of months in total on Safari. Our daughter isn't yet 5 and she has been 3 times to South Africa. Of the 9 weeks she has spent there not one day was spent on safari as it isn't appropriate to have her strapped in a car in high heat from dawn til sunset. So we had a totally different holiday.

You just don't get it!

Do you really need it to be spelled out?

Your. Life. Is. Not. The. Same. When.You. Have. Children.

Jagraf

fierystormcloud wrote: »

People keep saying 'YOOOOOOU don't have kids so you don't know what you're talking about!' But it makes no odds! I have 4 sisters with 9 kids between them, and several friends with kids, and so I know what I'm talking about.

You can do virtually everything when you have kids that you can do without them. Maybe things are a bit different, but you can still do the same; probably more.

If people want to kid themselves otherwise, and tell themselves that their childfree life is SO much better than that of people with children, and that everyone they know with children HATES their children, then you go ahead and do that; it doesn't make it true.

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

When you have responsibility for kids your perspective on your experiences changes. You endlessly worry if they are ok, you are responsible for them 24/7, even if they are not with you. I remember giving birth (big shock which changes the body you know for ever) and I was handed the responsibility for life, with total dependence on me. That freaked me out. And that never changes.

Some people enjoy and thrive with that type of responsibility. I hated it. It's nothing to do with loving your kids more or less.

I admire people who are able to capture those thoughts in advance, who know themselves well enough to make a decision one way or another.

The physical side is a small part, the emotional side is immense, and not always very pleasant.

fierystormcloud

LilElvis wrote: »

Repeating yourself again.

Having nieces and nephews is not the same as having your own children, no matter what you think. If/when you have a child you will understand this.

No, you can't do the same stuff. Nice to see you mentioning holidays .... again. No you can't do the same holidays when you have kids. Had a lovely time at Victoria Falls .... wouldn't take a child there, far too dangerous. Love going to Italy - they generally don't go out to eat until gone 9pm - bit late for your average British child. We've been to Africa most years of the fourteen we have been together and I've racked up a couple of months in total on Safari. Our daughter isn't yet 5 and she has been 3 times to South Africa. Of the 9 weeks she has spent there not one day was spent on safari as it isn't appropriate to have her strapped in a car in high heat from dawn til sunset. So we had a totally different holiday.

You just don't get it!

Do you really need it to be spelled out?

Your. Life. Is. Not. The. Same. When.You. Have. Children.

It's not the same. But it's not really that different.

It's just people make out that they have this wonderful amazing free-living life full of amazing wild lovemaking and exotic holidays when they're child free, and then suddenly it's all ruined when kids come along. But the fact is that MOST people don't have the life when childfree that they try to make out they have.

THIS is what I am trying to say. When children come along your life is just as fulfilling; if not MORE than when you were child free.

PLEASE read my posts properly before attacking me.

I find it most hilarious how people are blatantly denying the truth on here. :rotfl:

Edited to add: I am tired of every time I post, I see a little snide potshot from you, or a nasty insult like I am stupid. So I am putting you on ignore so I don't have to see your posts. You're the first one to go on my ignore list. Congratulations.

Newwashingmachine

I don't think it's selfish if you don't want children.