I don't want children - Am I selfish?

LilElvis

fierystormcloud wrote: »

What 'studies?' Evidence please?

I have never heard in my entire LIFE that single childfree women have 'happier lives' or happier relationships than women with kids. And all this 'oh but *I* can just swan off to Paris whenever I can yada yada' attitude, is just laughable; people with kids can do that! And also, who says that people with kids don't do EVERYthing childfree people do!!! (And more!!!) How narrow minded and laughable are some of the attitudes on here!!!

I see a LOT of childfree on here who seem to be trying to convince everyone how happy they are childfree, and how miserable their 'friends' are who have children, and how EVERYONE they know with children regrets it.

Also, the childfree people on here almost ALL seem to conveniently have parents who regretted having them. Oh by they aren't being malicious apparently! :eek:

But yes there are a lot of VERY defensive childfree on here.

If you don't want kids, don't have 'em. But quit trying to convince everyone how much better the life of a childfree person/childfree single person is compared to someone with kids. The saying 'methinks the lady doth protest too much' springs to mind.

Some of the tales I have heard on here are just too OTT to believe to be honest.

And FWIW, I know more couples who never had kids break up, than couples who DID have them.

But I suppose someone will come on and say 'they are just staying together for the kids...' *yawn*

The part in bold is total rubbish. You can't have the same holiday with a toddler that you would as a couple. You can take them to Paris, but you can't spend the day lazing around pavement cafes, eat in fine dining restaurants or just mooch around ....... unless you have chemically coshed them first.

Fairly obvious that you don't have children yourself.

fierystormcloud

LilElvis wrote: »

The part in bold is total rubbish. You can't have the same holiday with a toddler that you would as a couple. You can take them to Paris, but you can't spend the day lazing around pavement cafes, eat in fine dining restaurants or just mooch around ....... unless you have chemically coshed them first.

Fairly obvious that you don't have children yourself.

What I am saying is that you can virtually do the same things and have the same experiences with kids, that you can have without them; probably more.

Also, I bet all the childfree people who are ranting on about how they can go for cosy weekends and great holidays together and have this awesome boho life together, don't do ANY of what they are trying to make out they do. :rotfl:

You keep telling yourself whatever you want if it makes you happy. And you keep trying to convince yourself childfree are soooooo much happier than people with kids.

Doesn't make it true.

You're convincing no-one.

All I am seeing on here is a bunch of childfree people who are DESPERATE to convince everyone they are soooooo much happier than people with kids, with a MUCH better life than them. And all these childfree know soooooo many people who hate their kids! :rotfl:

You couldn't make it up!

As I said 'methinks the ladies doth protest too much.'

Goldiegirl

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Also, the childfree people on here almost ALL seem to conveniently have parents who regretted having them.

I was a very loved and wanted child, and I had a very secure and happy childhood.

But, it's not in me to want children of my own - it's just the way I am, I can't help that.

I think my life may be different to those women who have children. But I'm not interested in some sort of 'willy waving', my life is better than yours thing. Child free, childless, or with children, all lifestyles have equal merit, as long as the individual is happy.

You seem so angry about the concept of childfree women, and seem to find it impossible to believe that we are happy with the life we have chosen.

Why do you have such a problem with it?

Gavin83

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Men, after all, don't seem to have as much choice in the matter and we don't hear much about their paternal drive. I wonder how strong it actually is amongst the general population?

Do they not? It strikes me that men have the same choice as women in if they want children or not. Naturally if theres an accident their rights are practically zero but until that point it's fairly equal.

In my experience a lot of men have a paternal drive. I know a lot of men who have been extremely focused on having children and have wanted nothing more. I know of several couples where the man was much more keen to have children than the woman as well.

I don't buy the whole scenario of women pushing men into having children. I just don't think it's that common.

LilElvis

fierystormcloud wrote: »

What I am saying is that you can virtually do the same things and have the same experiences with kids, that you can have without them; probably more.

Also, I bet all the childfree people who are ranting on about how they can go for cosy weekends and great holidays together and have this awesome boho life together, don't do ANY of what they are trying to make out they do. :rotfl:

You keep telling yourself whatever you want if it makes you happy. And you keep trying to convince yourself childfree are soooooo much happier than people with kids.

Doesn't make it true.

You're convincing no-one.

All I am seeing on here is a bunch of childfree people who are DESPERATE to convince everyone they are soooooo much happier than people with kids, with a MUCH better life than them. And all these childfree know soooooo many people who hate their kids! :rotfl:

You couldn't make it up!

As I said 'methinks the ladies doth protest too much.'

I know the reality of having children, unlike you. Are you seriously saying that having children doesn't irrevocably change the way you live your life? It does - every single day, from the day they draw their first breath.

Like other posters I cannot comprehend your animosity towards those who have chosen to be childfree. I haven't seen a single post decrying those who have chosen to be parents - they just want their choice to be accepted and respected. What's wrong with that?

LameWolf

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I was a very loved and wanted child, and I had a very secure and happy childhood.

But, it's not in me to want children of my own - it's just the way I am, I can't help that.

I think my life may be different to those women who have children. But I'm not interested in some sort of 'willy waving', my life is better than yours thing. Child free, childless, or with children, all lifestyles have equal merit, as long as the individual is happy.

You seem so angry about the concept of childfree women, and seem to find it impossible to believe that we are happy with the life we have chosen.

Why do you have such a problem with it?

Well said!

I am happy for anyone who wants a child who then has one; just don't ask me to babysit!

I speak as one who knows first hand what it is to be an unwanted child (I am not being melodramatic, btw) and there is no way I was going to inflict that on another baby just to comply with social pressure.

Indeed, some of my more unpleasant nightmares have involved me being pregnant; ie the sort where you wake up in a cold sweat and feel an overwhelming feeling of relief when you realise it was just a nightmare.

Jagraf

LilElvis wrote: »

I know the reality of having children, unlike you. Are you seriously saying that having children doesn't irrevocably change the way you live your life? It does - every single day, from the day they draw their first breath.

Like other posters I cannot comprehend your animosity towards those who have chosen to be childfree. I haven't seen a single post decrying those who have chosen to be parents - they just want their choice to be accepted and respected. What's wrong with that?

Another one here who knows the reality of having kids and can definitely say its a different ball game. I respect those who make a decision to not "tow the family line" and I agree, no one has Sid anything detrimental to those with kids. Certainly the first few years were no picnic. At all. I wouldn't do it again. ( love DD vey much but don't like the experience of being a parent).

Personally I can't wait to be child free (ie kids coming of age!) again, counting down the hours to becoming human once more.

Watto30

Jagraf wrote: »

Certainly the first few years were no picnic. At all. I wouldn't do it again. ( love DD vey much but don't like the experience of being a parent).

Personally I can't wait to be child free (ie kids coming of age!) again, counting down the hours to becoming human once more.

Just wanted to say I really admire your honesty.

Another here childfree by choice at 33, your not alone OP and you are certainly not selfish.

For those who have children I take my hat off to you, its a 24 hour a day job, for those who don't want them I take my hat off to you too for making a selfless decision.

I really don't understand why people feel the need to interrogate the decision us childfree by choice have made and seem to think that either we will change our minds or that apparently we will never know love like it if we don't reproduce!

I am actually really starting to struggle to fight the urge to shout " its because I can't stand the little b@stards!" sorry if that offends anyone, children are sweet and I love my nieces and nephews to bits but know I am not the maternal type, will stick to dogs.

I seriously doubt backpacking around Cambodia would be much fun with a toddler in tow lol

kboss2010

fierystormcloud wrote: »

What 'studies?' Evidence please?

I have never heard in my entire LIFE that single childfree women have 'happier lives' or happier relationships than women with kids. And all this 'oh but *I* can just swan off to Paris whenever I can yada yada' attitude, is just laughable; people with kids can do that! And also, who says that people with kids don't do EVERYthing childfree people do!!! (And more!!!) How narrow minded and laughable are some of the attitudes on here!!!

I see a LOT of childfree on here who seem to be trying to convince everyone how happy they are childfree, and how miserable their 'friends' are who have children, and how EVERYONE they know with children regrets it.

Also, the childfree people on here almost ALL seem to conveniently have parents who regretted having them. Oh by they aren't being malicious apparently! :eek:

But yes there are a lot of VERY defensive childfree on here.

If you don't want kids, don't have 'em. But quit trying to convince everyone how much better the life of a childfree person/childfree single person is compared to someone with kids. The saying 'methinks the lady doth protest too much' springs to mind.

Some of the tales I have heard on here are just too OTT to believe to be honest.

And FWIW, I know more couples who never had kids break up, than couples who DID have them.

But I suppose someone will come on and say 'they are just staying together for the kids...' *yawn*

I'm a scientist, I'm not criticising at all. I'm genuinely interested why studies such as the 5 quoted in this blog: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=1

and many others often come to the conclusion that childless lives are overall happier.

And, as to your question that most child free by choice people had parents who hated them, perhaps an unhappy upbringing does have a significant impact on that decision? I suspect that if I'd come from a home like my best friend's where their parents were (and still are) happily married, comfortable financially and shared responsibilities equally then my opinion might be different.

My parents love me but I saw how tough raising me was on my mum. Raising children is the most time-consuming, expensive and life-altering thing most people ever do. If you enjoy the rewards that brings then fantastic but, personally, the occasional bedtime hug and piece of refrigerator art isn't worth the mess, stress & burden.

Jagraf

Watto30 wrote: »

Just wanted to say I really admire your honesty.

Another here childfree by choice at 33, your not alone OP and you are certainly not selfish.

For those who have children I take my hat off to you, its a 24 hour a day job, for those who don't want them I take my hat off to you too for making a selfless decision.

I really don't understand why people feel the need to interrogate the decision us childfree by choice have made and seem to think that either we will change our minds or that apparently we will never know love like it if we don't reproduce!

I am actually really starting to struggle to fight the urge to shout " its because I can't stand the little b@stards!" sorry if that offends anyone, children are sweet and I love my nieces and nephews to bits but know I am not the maternal type, will stick to dogs.

I seriously doubt backpacking around Cambodia would be much fun with a toddler in tow lol

Nothing to do with having or not having kids, but sometimes people need to justify themselves by questioning those who don't make the same decisions.

My husband is my DD stepdad and people have often said "didn't you ever want any if your own?", with no idea of circumstances or our preference or anything.

You are fully justified in telling people you don't like children.