I don't want children - Am I selfish?

Maddybee33

NO! Choosing to go childless is one of the least selfish things that you can do.

So why don't women respect my choice when I say I don't want children? I've discussed it with my OH and although he initially wanted kids he has said he would rather be with me and childless than with another woman which I appreciate.

The simple answer (that many aren't going to like) is because they're insecure. It's no-one's business if you choose to remain child-free. Infact, wanting biological children is selfish- before I get a million angry comments from mothers, I want a child too, but I admit that it's selfish- I am selfish. We all are in some way or another, and it's our biological imperative to reproduce. Your husband sounds really sweet, and is definitely a keeper, you're really lucky, OP :-)

Think about it this way, there are over 7 billion people on the planet- by 2050 it's estimated to be over 11 billion. We have wiped species out because of our unwillingness to cut back on our reproduction and eventually we will run out of resources as well as all the other beautiful creatures we're supposed to share them with.

Maddybee33

Hope you'll not rely on other people's children to care for you and fund your old age benefits.

I hope that parents aren't relying on other people's tax to fund the upbringing of their children...

bugslet

My mother said she'd rather not have had me, I was in my early 20s at that point, and it wasn't said in a malicious way, just one of those things. I think my mum did OK raising me and I consider we had a good relationship.

Of my two closest friends, one loves being a mum and would have loved to have a second child, but it wasn't to be. The other has two grown up kids and would have, on reflection and knowing what she knows now, preferred not to have had them.

I am 51 next week and have never for a single moment wanted a child, it really is not in my make up. I am delighted for friends when they get pregnant, I really don't get it though!

Pinkandblue said it very well. We are all different, there isn't a right or wrong in anyone's decision.

VestanPance

Maddybee33 wrote: »

Think about it this way, there are over 7 billion people on the planet- by 2050 it's estimated to be over 11 billion. We have wiped species out because of our unwillingness to cut back on our reproduction and eventually we will run out of resources as well as all the other beautiful creatures we're supposed to share them with.

No, actually the reason for the increasing population is mostly down to higher living standards and medical advancement. It's not that we're having too many children, it's that we're selfishly not dying when naturally we should due to disease and age.

As a species we've removed natural selection of the only fit and healthy surviving.

Hedgehog99

I've never wanted children and I don't regret it. The planet does not need a mini me, and the mini me does not need the hassles that make life more expensive for them than average (e.g. the lousy eye sight they'd inherit, and thus a lifetime of expense on glasses & lenses). I don't think my body would cope well with pregnancy and I would not be a good parent. I would also not want to send a child out into today's big wide world where prospects are now less good than our parents' generation & that's unlikely to change.

If you get fed up with people's nosey questions about your child status (how dare they?!), "I can't bear them" shuts people up quite quickly, with its double meaning.

Maddybee33

It's because the mortality rate is going down, yes, that's part of it. But because mortality rate is going down, it means that people who have over 2 children (I've known someone who was one of 14) are contributing to the growing problem of over-population.

It is absolutely to do with people having too many children. In an ideal, happy world where overpopulation was not a problem I'd rather have two children than one, but I'm not in denial about the hideous damage that we are inflicting on the planet.

jaylee3

bugslet wrote: »

My mother said she'd rather not have had me, I was in my early 20s at that point, and it wasn't said in a malicious way, just one of those things. I think my mum did OK raising me and I consider we had a good relationship.

Of my two closest friends, one loves being a mum and would have loved to have a second child, but it wasn't to be. The other has two grown up kids and would have, on reflection and knowing what she knows now, preferred not to have had them.

I am 51 next week and have never for a single moment wanted a child, it really is not in my make up. I am delighted for friends when they get pregnant, I really don't get it though!

Good grief! :eek: What a horrible thing to say. If this was not a malicious thing to say, then what was it?

Do you think this may be the reason you don't want children?

Why would anyone tell their child this?

Why did she even have you then, if she didn't want you?

I think that is an unforgivable thing to say to your child.

There is a lot of childfree by choice on here. More than any other forum I have been on I think.

Agree though, that it's not selfish to not want them. In fact in this day and age, where it's not necessary to have them, I find it odd that everyone assumes that everyone should have them. People do get a lot of grief though for not having them; maybe that's why they are so defensive.

jaylee3

lostinrates wrote: »

You will find threads on the past here where thoughtful, rational posters who love their children say they would have chosen otherwise.

My parents would have chosen otherwise, and I have heard other women say it in conversation in hushed tones in which taboos are discussed.
.

Really? Did they tell you this? And if so, why?

Someone enlighten me. Why would anyone regret having their children?

allconnected

Why should the ones that don't suddenly change their minds be the ones that are penalised by doctors not agreeing to vasectomies or sterilisations.

The answer to that is so obvious it's ridiculous.

The ones that don't suddenly change their minds can still avoid having children, relatively simply.

The ones that do change their minds would be unable to do so if their request for sterilisation had been granted more readily.

Sorry but I don't buy this "oh I suddenly got broody"

Every human alive today is the result of ancestors stretching back over 2 billion years who have one thing in common - they survived long enough to reproduce. Even a few hundred years ago this was an achievement in itself. Earlier than that, it involves generation after generation where your ancestors were the minority who managed this.

And you don't "buy that" an organism evolved from two billion years of "getting broody" might reach the same conclusion itself - why?

There is masses of evidence that people who don't want to reproduce at one stage in their lives might do so later. So don't do anything permanent to them to prevent them changing their minds. It's not like this forces them to reproduce, there are still plenty of options to prevent this.


It's not rocket science!

jaylee3

allconnected wrote: »

The answer to that is so obvious it's ridiculous.

The ones that don't suddenly change their minds can still avoid having children, relatively simply. The ones that do change their minds would be unable to do so if their request for sterilisation had been granted more readily.

Every human alive today is the result of ancestors stretching back over 2 billion years who have one thing in common - they survived long enough to reproduce. Even a few hundred years ago this was an achievement in itself. Earlier than that, it involves generation after generation where your ancestors were the minority who managed this.

And you don't "buy that" an organism evolved from two billion years of "getting broody" might reach the same conclusion itself - why?

There is masses of evidence that people who don't want to reproduce at one stage in their lives might do so later. So don't do anything permanent to them to prevent them changing their minds. It's not like this forces them to reproduce, there are still plenty of options to prevent this.

:T

I have to say I am also confused by that comment; why does someone not believe that people suddenly get broody? :huh: It happens a lot.

Clearly, this comment came from someone with no maternal instinct, but saying they don't believe people suddenly get broody is a very strange thing to say. As I said, it happens a lot.