I don't want children - Am I selfish?

fairy_lights

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

On a similar theme... 'Full Time Mummy' is not an occupation....You might not work so you can look after your children, fine. No one is a part time parent...

Exactly, being a parent is NOT a job and I find it so strange when people list it as their occupation. Most jobs don't involve making cupcakes and going to the park with the people you love most in the world.
I've got a friend who is a single parent and works full time, and she finds it pretty insulting when people list 'full time mummy' as their occupation. The fact that she has a job doesn't mean she's only a part time parent!

duchy

Does it matter if other people think you are selfish or not ?


So long as you are happy with the decision you have made -it isn't anyone else's business.

LilElvis

fairy_lights wrote: »

Exactly, being a parent is NOT a job and I find it so strange when people list it as their occupation. Most jobs don't involve making cupcakes and going to the park with the people you love most in the world.
I've got a friend who is a single parent and works full time, and she finds it pretty insulting when people list 'full time mummy' as their occupation. The fact that she has a job doesn't mean she's only a part time parent!

It's just a description. Personally I find the title "housewife" pretty insulting, but it is usually the only option I am given when completing forms.

lostinrates

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

On a similar theme... 'Full Time Mummy' is not an occupation....You might not work so you can look after your children, fine. No one is a part time parent...

LilElvis wrote: »

It's just a description. Personally I find the title "housewife" pretty insulting, but it is usually the only option I am given when completing forms.

No one is a part time parent, but some people are certainly fulltime ones, with a full time commitment to their children, including some home education before school and around school, ( this goes for some who work too) but its like saying working in child care is not an occupation.

There are sahparents, and sahparents, and som e of them really very much are full time parents. Not everyone would choose that, even were they be able too, it says as much about being insulted by it IMO,

I have to put housewife often too. I am a sahw, and it is such a demeaned position in society, and yet......I think its possible, just like parenting, to do either nothing and be lazy dead brain, or be contributor to society, or not but incredibly self fulfilled pursuing far greater intellectual development than most people in employment would be able to. A position of luck and privilege in such case....but very different to sitting watching tv. ( um, I have tv on right now, lol)

LameWolf

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I've never felt any pressure to have children, whether it's from family, friends or 'society'

I have. I got hell from my parents (the same people who actually didn't want a baby, ie me, themselves, btw) when I was sterilised.

Also, when I registered at a new GP practise back in 2002, the GP asked me how many children I had. "None" I said. How many preganancies was the next question. "None" I said. And she looked horror-stricken and said, incredulously, "You have no children, and you're sterilised??" Very judgemental.:(

Rebel_Cause wrote: »

HUH HUH... you said 'bone in me!' :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:See, I am still a big kid myself, I still watch and love Beavis and Butthead in my early 30s! I don't want to be one of those kids having kids! LOL

Ha ha, you got me! Normally I'd spot something like that. Put it down to my lupus brainfog.;)

Gloomendoom

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If they DO find any surgeon who will do it, I sincerely hope they get it done privately, AND get the attempt at reversal done privately when/if they change their mind, because I am not paying for people's lifestyle choices!

That is rather a selfish attitude. Presumably, you will be quite happy for child-free people to contribute towards your own lifestyle choice in the form of your maternity care, not to mention your offsprings' healthcare, education etc.

fierystormcloud

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That is rather a selfish attitude. Presumably, you will be quite happy for child-free people to contribute towards your own lifestyle choice in the form of your maternity care, not to mention your offsprings' healthcare, education etc.

It is NOT a selfish attitude.

Who says all these childless people pay lots of taxes?

And for the record, *I* have paid enough in taxes myself.

And I will continue to do so, (if I DO have children,) because I shall still work. Albeit part time - probably 3 days a week.

And my husband works too. And contributes a LOT of tax. (As do I.)

So nobody is going to be contributing or subsidising OUR children thank you.

Better try harder next time!

Gloomendoom

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Better try harder next time!

I agree, you should.

Loz01

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If they DO find any surgeon who will do it, I sincerely hope they get it done privately, AND get the attempt at reversal done privately when/if they change their mind, because I am not paying for people's lifestyle choices!

Thats like saying why should taxpayers pay for people to give birth or have c-sections, thats someones lifestyle choice isn't it? I don't have any kids and I pay tax so Im sure I'm paying someones child tax credits or child benefit. Not saying this in a begrudging way but you can't just look at it from one side, surely.

LilElvis

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I agree with QS. I am not surprised the GP acted this way, and I cannot see anything judgemental about her reaction; I would also be shocked at any woman in her 20s - or even 30s - who had been sterilized, when she had not had children. I can't imagine for a second why ANY woman would want to do this to themselves at such a young age.

In your 20s, you think you're all grown up, and you think you know everything, including your own mind; such is the arrogance of youth, but there is a very real possibility that you may change your mind later on in life about having children. And I would imagine most parents would be angry and upset and worried if their 20-something childless daughter chose to be sterilised. I would think they had taken leave of their senses!

I have two sisters who never wanted children - ever, until 30 hit them like a ton of rocks, and they BOTH got extremely broody. (They now have 2 each.) I never wanted them, and right up to literally last year, STILL didn't want them, and now, in my early 30s, I am starting to get broody. Imagine if *I* had been sterilised 4 or 5 years ago? I would have bitterly regretted it.

I would be stunned if any of my friends - in their 20s and 30s - said they were being sterilised when they are childless, and frankly, I would think very badly of any surgeon who agreed to do it.

If they DO find any surgeon who will do it, I sincerely hope they get it done privately, AND get the attempt at reversal done privately when/if they change their mind, because I am not paying for people's lifestyle choices!

So, presumably, if you now find that you have fertility issues you will self-fund any investigations and treatment? After all, having children is a "lifestyle choice".