I don't want children - Am I selfish?

[Deleted User]

Jagraf wrote: »

My OH is my daughters stepdad and has no biological children. I didn't want any more. The relationship between them is amazing. She has his habits and has grown up with his nurturing love. Maybe its because she was so young when we met, but it was almost as though it was meant to be.

It is not an easy undertaking and of course can go wrong. Yet he and she have found each other. Perhaps a set of circumstances makes it easier - biological dad not really on the scene and no bond there.

People ask him why he never wanted kids of his own. It makes him quite cross.

People can be just the worst, can't they?

My mate became a stepdad when his step son was in his early teens - and I'm pretty sure the early they come into your life, the easy it is for all of you.

Time for me to persuade my lovely nearly-6 year old son to stop reading and go to bed! EDIT: Done now; yay peace at last!

LilElvis

ringo_24601 wrote: »

People can be just the worst, can't they?

My mate became a stepdad when his step son was in his early teens - and I'm pretty sure the early they come into your life, the easy it is for all of you.

Time for me to persuade my lovely nearly-6 year old son to stop reading and go to bed! EDIT: Done now; yay peace at last!

My nearly 5 year old is still whizzing around the garden on her scooter - please, please tell me your secret to get her to bed! Better still I'll PM you my address and you can come round and work your magic!

PenguinOfDeath

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Somedays I do wish there was some sort of 'childless couples tax' - not money, but time.. so they'd be forced to do a bit of childminding so I could have a lie in/go shopping in peace/watch a film without being interrupted every 3 minutes/not have to go around peppa pig land

Haha you wish! These are just 4 of my many reasons not to have any...On that note I'd like a tax for car-less people so I can spend less time negotiating traffic, filling up with fuel, car maintenance, cleaning etc...

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I hope that those people missing out of it fill their lives with other good things instead

I hope that wasn't meant to be as patronising as I read it? There's lots of amazing-to-me life experiences I have or will experience that others may regard as awful/disgusting/boring/a waste of time. Do I care? Nope, horses for courses.


Just realised both these quotes are the same poster, they just stood out to me!

[Deleted User]

LilElvis wrote: »

My nearly 5 year old is still whizzing around the garden on her scooter - please, please tell me your secret to get her to bed! Better still I'll PM you my address and you can come round and work your magic!

haha - it's all from having a strict bedtime routine from an early age. Break out a good bedtime book like the Gruffalo and give it a wirl.



PenguinOfDeath - the last quote wasn't quite as articulate as I'd hoped - I do hope that people aren't being childfree for purely materialistic purposes, and that they're 'getting the most out of life' whilst some of us are stuck at 4 year old birthday parties on a Sunday afternoon. It was meant purely in a positive manner; no intention to be patronising or condescending.

LilElvis

ringo_24601 wrote: »

haha - it's all from having a strict bedtime routine from an early age. Break out a good bedtime book like the Gruffalo and give it a wirl.



PenguinOfDeath - the last quote wasn't quite as articulate as I'd hoped - I do hope that people aren't being childfree for purely materialistic purposes, and that they're 'getting the most out of life' whilst some of us are stuck at 4 year old birthday parties on a Sunday afternoon. It was meant purely in a positive manner; no intention to be patronising or condescending.

Daughter has slept like the dead from an early age, but just won't go to bed until late - just doesn't seem to need much sleep. 9 o'clock is deemed normal for her body clock :eek: Nearly 5 years and I'm still looking for where the battery compartment is so that I can take them out :rotfl: At least she doesn't wake us at 5 am :T

LadyDee

I don't think you are selfish at all. I was just the same at about your age, but unexpectedly had a daughter. I love her to bits, always adored her since the day she was born, never regretted having her and never wanted another child (made sure I didn't!).

However - I'm now in my 70s, and desperately, desperately want grandchildren, and sadly my daughter has never been able to have children.

Because of the circumstances I now SO wish I'd had more children, but then that would be selfish wouldn't it?

What works for you and your husband is right, and hopefully you won't regret it.

Firetastic

Thought I would stick my tuppence worth in. I'm nearly 26 and I don't want children. I was talking with my Mum about this the other day and she says there is nothing wrong with the way I feel. I've very little maternal feeling.

I'm a great believer in you only miss out on what you want in life so if you don't want it you don't miss it.

Plus children can be a lot of work and even heartache. You worry about them all the time. Children are a big responsibility if you don't want them.

Goldiegirl

1234catlady wrote: »

I've never understood how anyone could be considered selfish for not wanting children.

OP, you aren't the only one. Me and my partner have said from day one we would have no kids and now we are at that point all our friends have kids and all the questions and assumptions start because we are adamant we don't want kids. We are more animal people. We have no connection or desire for kids, never have. Some people are just wired that way and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I think some of the people with children are more 'animal people' than they realise

You see it all the time on the Internet

e.g. 'Mum to three delightful monkeys'. What's that all about?

People complain that child free people treat animals as substitute babies, but it seems to be ok to refer to children as animals! :rotfl:

OP - I know this is nothing to do with your post, it was just seeing that you were animal people that put the thought in my head:rotfl:

Firetastic

We are judged all the time precisely because it is not classed as the norm. And "society" doesn't like those that deviate from the norm.

I feel that society expects everyone to conform to the norm. I look around me and I see what everyone else wants to do and I think "I don't want to do that" Everybody of course is entitled to do what they want.

EG: I'm not a huge drinker mainly because there aren't that many drinks I enjoy the taste of. What is the point of changing who you are, what you do and where you go just to gain the approval of others? You end up living a life that isn't your own.

PenguinOfDeath

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I think some of the people with children are more 'animal people' than they realise

You see it all the time on the Internet

e.g. 'Mum to three delightful monkeys'. What's that all about?

People complain that child free people treat animals as substitute babies, but it seems to be ok to refer to children as animals! :rotfl:

OP - I know this is nothing to do with your post, it was just seeing that you were animal people that put the thought in my head:rotfl:

On a similar theme... 'Full Time Mummy' is not an occupation....You might not work so you can look after your children, fine. No one is a part time parent...