I don't want children - Am I selfish?

FBaby

Why does everytime a poster comes to say that they don't intend on having children it results in long threads? I don't get it!

If you don't want children don't have them. I don't believe that there is pressure for society at all. I think the norm is to have children, especially when you are in a committed relationship, so yes, people are going to make assumptions, but that doesn't mean that they are judgemental to the decision to being childless.

SandC

With me people are too busy wondering what's wrong with me that I've never lived with a bloke or got married to question the no children thing....

Guess I have escaped the scrutiny that couples who decide to remain childfree have.

Goldiegirl

FBaby wrote: »

Why does everytime a poster comes to say that they don't intend on having children it results in long threads? I don't get it!

If you don't want children don't have them. I don't believe that there is pressure for society at all. I think the norm is to have children, especially when you are in a committed relationship, so yes, people are going to make assumptions, but that doesn't mean that they are judgemental to the decision to being childless.

I've never felt any pressure to have children, whether it's from family, friends or 'society'


But what I don't get is why it's somehow ok for people to make assumptions about me, based on the one fact that I don't have children. And what exactly are people assuming? Please could someone enlighten me?




Edited to add-
Plus why shouldn't there be long threads on this subject? There's long threads about every stage of pregnancy, TTC, preparing to TTC, waiting to TTC, not to mention a whole forum areas for mums and another for dads.

thistledome

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I just don't have whatever it is that makes people find babies attractive. Is there some kind of post-partum hormonal change that affects the optical nerve meaning the bald, veiny-eyed, jug-eared, potato-skulled reptilian things become cute? They barely look classifiable as human to me. (note- I don't write this under people's Facebook pics of their offspring!)

I agree. I've often wondered why Human offspring are so unappealingly lumpen compared to the adorable young of other mammals.

I'm with you, OP. Never wanted kids, never had any regrets about it. Don't waste your time wondering if it's selfish or not - life's too short!

Enjoy your dog when you get it, I've wanted a dog since I was 5 years old and finally got one when I stopped full-time work in 2002. I might occasionaly treat him in a way that seems to other people to be like a child; if that looks silly to them I couldn't care less

FBaby

But what I don't get is why it's somehow ok for people to make assumptions about me, based on the one fact that I don't have children. And what exactly are people assuming? Please could someone enlighten me?

People make assumptions based on likelihood. The likelihood that a woman between the age of 25 and 35 in a committed relationship would want to have children is quite high. That's all. Very much like people making assumptions based on own's nationality. Nothing more to it, it's not personal.

no1catman

I'm the youngest of three, after my brother and sister got married (and no, I don't mean to each other) and children came along - I just 'didn't get' the 'oh, what a beautiful baby'.
Later when my brother came to visit with one son, and later with the other - it was me who had to entertain them.
It was interesting watching them develop, who having one myself - no way, what for.
For some reason, I had a fear of how would I cope if there was something wrong with the 'baby'!
Whilst I had one girlfriend, who whispered in my ear 'I want to have your babies', while another insisted on not one but two condoms - 'just in case it bursts'!
If a lady-friend mentioned that she had to have a hysterectomy - I was relieved.
About 25 years ago split with a lady-friend, missed a son Peter more afterwards - enjoyed being a 'father' for a short time.


Now happy with my partner, being child free.


It's funny how when people mention that there's a baby on the way - they expect to hear - "congratulations", at least in the silence I able to restrain the 'commiserations'!

lostinrates

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I've no interest in skydiving, but i know I'm missing out on an exhilarating pastime.

As much as you want to deny it, you're missing out on an experience in life, just as much as breeders are missing out on the experience of a lifetime of freedom (and probably a lot more holidays).

I cannot have children.


Its not what I would have chosen unlike the others here but I feel like its ....ok. ( after a while getting there) and that in many ways it is a choice because I won't pursue any attempt to have them in other ways.

Every day we make choices...and 'miss out' on others. Have an egg for breakfast? But you miss out on...having...toast, or cereal, or croissant, or porridge or fruit.....you cannot eat every breakfast choice in the world. There is no time in a day and you'd get fat.


Have children? You still cannot experience it all, you cannot experience different ways of bringing them up, different family dynamics, different children,........and nor would you want to.


( well, there Is bigamy I suppose....;))

Each step in our day we make a choice, and the truth is many of us, whether with children or not, miss many , many more experiences than we have to, by choice, poor planning, inertia.....whatever.

Better to make the choice to miss the experience of child rearing and think....n'ah, was not for me. Than the same with sky diving. Sky diving is a one off event you can just not repeat, that impacts only on your choice.

Others are impacted my every choice you make, those breakfast choices of egg or something else , those choices in what you do each day....when you are a parent.

Fireflyaway

I used to feel exactly the same but then it all changed and I am very happy that I became a mother. However if it doesn't change for you and you are happy that's fine and I don't think its selfish at all. Having a child and not being interested in it would be selfish. Lets face it the human race is not in danger of dying out. There is no need to have a child and I think there are so many bad and irresponsible parents out there. You sound the opposite - making your life decisions based on what is right for you. Don't let people make you feel bad.

[Deleted User]

lostinrates - i'm very sorry you are unable to make the choice that others here have been able to. I've tried to word my responses so that I don't carelessly say 'childless' as a blanket term. I've acted as a devils advocate in my responses on this thread but hopefully not in a vindictive or cruel manner.

lostinrates

ringo_24601 wrote: »

lostinrates - i'm very sorry you are unable to make the choice that others here have been able to. I've tried to word my responses so that I don't carelessly say 'childless' as a blanket term. I've acted as a devils advocate in my responses on this thread but hopefully not in a vindictive or cruel manner.

Oh goodness, no offence taken whatsoever.

My point is more that there should really be no devils advocate arguing for having children.

People who want them enough despite any good sense will have them regardless of their situations. People who don't should NOT make the choice to have them. Because there are a hundred choices we make every day, and children should not suffer because we 'might' like or think we should experience parenthood and all the great things that come with it.

Enough children suffer with people who have made the choice to have them and then don't choose to put them first, why advocate those not sure or pretty sure its not high on their agenda do?