I don't want children - Am I selfish?

zagfles

fierystormcloud wrote: »

It's not the same. But it's not really that different.

It's just people make out that they have this wonderful amazing free-living life full of amazing wild lovemaking and exotic holidays when they're child free, and then suddenly it's all ruined when kids come along. But the fact is that MOST people don't have the life when childfree that they try to make out they have.

A lot of this depends on how family oriented your social life is. In southern Europe for instance people tend to be far more family oriented in their social lives - they don't go out for meals as couples as much, they don't go out with just their mates as much, social events would tend to include the entire family, so you'd go round to friends/relatives houses with your children, you'd go out for a meal with your entire family or with your friends and their kids.

In the UK social lives of children and adults tend to be more separated, so I think we see the difference more than people abroad, or even people from other cultures who live here.

dirty_magic

fierystormcloud wrote: »

You can do virtually everything when you have kids that you can do without them. Maybe things are a bit different, but you can still do the same; probably more.

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

Sorry but this just isn't true. Maybe when the kids are older you can do what you want, but not when they're young. I've got two little nephews, and while they're gorgeous, they are such hard work. Yes they've been on holidays and tried to keep life as normal as possible, but they're a different kind of holiday.

You can't get up at 10 after a nice lie in and then spend the day lazing on a beach with children. They need constant attention from the minute they get up to the minute they go to sleep.

We had an amazing holiday in Iceland last year full of day trips and activities. You can't go glacier hiking and snowmobiling with a kid because it's dangerous and they're not allowed, and a 5 hour drive would be hell anyway. And the northern lights hunting is way past their bed time.

Even the little day to day things change your life, never mind the holidays. I honestly couldn't survive getting up at 6 every morning and having to fit every day around a babies routine. My sister in law admits it's difficult.

I quite like my free-as-a-bird childfree life, and we are actually swanning off to Paris!

Why can't people just accept that not everyone is the same; people want different things from life and that's fine. I think it's a lot more common these days to not have kids because women have a lot more freedom now. I'm glad it's not the 50s any more. My aim in life is not to reproduce.

catkins

fierystormcloud wrote: »

It's just people make out that they have this wonderful amazing free-living life full of amazing wild lovemaking and exotic holidays when they're child free, and then suddenly it's all ruined when kids come along. But the fact is that MOST people don't have the life when childfree that they try to make out they have.

THIS is what I am trying to say. When children come along your life is just as fulfilling; if not MORE than when you were child free.

PLEASE read my posts properly before attacking me.

I find it most hilarious how people are blatantly denying the truth on here. :rotfl:

Edited to add: I am tired of every time I post, I see a little snide potshot from you, or a nasty insult like I am stupid. So I am putting you on ignore so I don't have to see your posts. You're the first one to go on my ignore list. Congratulations.

Please tell me where exactly the posts are where people are claiming to have an amazing wild sex life because they don't have children or amazing holidays?


I am not trying to make out I have any sort of special life because I don't have children nor can I see that other posters are.


Why do you feel that your posts are the truthful ones and any childfree person's post cannot possibly be true? You don't even have children of your own.


If you want snide remarks just look at your own posts. Even this one you just had to say "when children come along your life is just as fulfilling if not more than when you were childfree! I am sure for some people that is the case but it obviously isn't for all or else there would never be children abused or even killed would there?

Goldiegirl

fierystormcloud wrote: »

People keep saying 'YOOOOOOU don't have kids so you don't know what you're talking about!' But it makes no odds! I have 4 sisters with 9 kids between them, and several friends with kids, and so I know what I'm talking about.

You can do virtually everything when you have kids that you can do without them. Maybe things are a bit different, but you can still do the same; probably more.

If people want to kid themselves otherwise, and tell themselves that their childfree life is SO much better than that of people with children, and that everyone they know with children HATES their children, then you go ahead and do that; it doesn't make it true.

People try and make out that when you have no kids you can go swanning off on weekend trips to Paris, and make love whenever you want, ten times a week, and you can go out for meals at the drop of a hat, and have this amazing free-as-a-bird child-free life where they can go off travelling etc etc; but the fact is; most child-free people don't do all that anyway! :rotfl:

But no one has said any of these things.


Following your earlier furious posts, people calmly tried to explain their position on their childfree lives, explaining that our lives may be different to a person who has children , but not better - just not the same. And no body has indicated that they are on holiday all the time.


You clearly have not read any of these posts, or have completely ignored them, because the post above is a carbon copy of your earlier posts!


So I ask again


Why does the concept of people being child free by choice make you so angry?

zagfles

dirty_magic wrote: »

Sorry but this just isn't true. Maybe when the kids are older you can do what you want, but not when they're young. I've got two little nephews, and while they're gorgeous, they are such hard work. Yes they've been on holidays and tried to keep life as normal as possible, but they're a different kind of holiday.

This is true, which is why we did all the sorts of holidays we thought would be difficult with kids before we had them.

You can't get up at 10 after a nice lie in and then spend the day lazing on a beach with children. They need constant attention from the minute they get up to the minute they go to sleep.

But this isn't. Not for long anyway, except perhaps those with "special needs". With babies who aren't mobile they don't need constant attention, toddlers who are mobile need the most.

We had an amazing holiday in Iceland last year full of day trips and activities. You can't go glacier hiking and snowmobiling with a kid because it's dangerous and they're not allowed, and a 5 hour drive would be hell anyway. And the northern lights hunting is way past their bed time.

Even the little day to day things change your life, never mind the holidays. I honestly couldn't survive getting up at 6 every morning and having to fit every day around a babies routine. My sister in law admits it's difficult.

Some people just don't use their common sense on this! Ours never got up at 6, because we didn't put them to bed early. If you put them to bed at 7pm, then they'll likely be up and awake at 6. Ours were regularly up at 9-10pm with us, which meant we could get a lie in!

I quite like my free-as-a-bird childfree life, and we are actually swanning off to Paris!

We saved that type of trip till we did have kids We did the adventurous stuff beforehand.

City trips are quite easy with kids, and in fact they can often enhance it by noticing things, get excited about things, that completely passes adults by. Just stuff like travelling by train/tram/bus/ferry, stuff that's boring to adults, is a great adventure for kids and their excitement about things like that rubs off on the parents.

Jagraf

I'm loving DD being 16 from a holiday perspective, as we can now go on holiday and not spend any time together :D:D

I mean that half jokingly, but I have to admit I don't ever want to be anywhere ever agin where there are chips and baked beans all over the floor, parents leaving restaurants looking like bomb sites, fraught, tired. All that plastering your kids in sun cream and putting knotted hankies on their heads, or dealing with those pram umbrellas with the springy handles. Swim nappies, runny ice creams, runny noses .....

I prefer the "where have you been all day" scenario :rotfl:

zagfles

Jagraf wrote: »

I'm loving DD being 16 from a holiday perspective, as we can now go on holiday and not spend any time together :D:D

I mean that half jokingly, but I have to admit I don't ever want to be anywhere ever agin where there are chips and baked beans all over the floor, parents leaving restaurants looking like bomb sites, fraught, tired. All that plastering your kids in sun cream and putting knotted hankies on their heads, or dealing with those pram umbrellas with the springy handles. Swim nappies, runny ice creams, runny noses .....

I prefer the "where have you been all day" scenario :rotfl:

I'm the opposite. I find swimming, or a day on the beach, totally boring without kids. We used to play all sorts of games in the pool or on the beach with the kids. Before we had kids we'd never go swimming and rarely have a day on the beach because it'd be too boring, it's just not like it was when I was a kid. Until we had kids, when all that comes back

Actually this is probably a good test of whether you're cut out to be a parent. How would you prefer to spend a day on the beach:

a) Reading a book while topping up your tan, with the occasional 10 mins doing breaststroke in the sea

b) Spalshing around in the sea with the kids playing daft games and then having a game of beach cricket

Jagraf

zagfles wrote: »

I'm the opposite. I find swimming, or a day on the beach, totally boring without kids. We used to play all sorts of games in the pool or on the beach with the kids. Before we had kids we'd never go swimming and rarely have a day on the beach because it'd be too boring, it's just not like it was when I was a kid. Until we had kids, when all that comes back

Actually this is probably a good test of whether you're cut out to be a parent. How would you prefer to spend a day on the beach:

a) Reading a book while topping up your tan, with the occasional 10 mins doing breaststroke in the sea

b) Spalshing around in the sea with the kids playing daft games and then having a game of beach cricket

Very scientific :eek:

dirty_magic

Some people just don't use their common sense on this! Ours never got up at 6, because we didn't put them to bed early. If you put them to bed at 7pm, then they'll likely be up and awake at 6. Ours were regularly up at 9-10pm with us, which meant we could get a lie in!

I get this but if you don't put them to bed early when do you get a break? I know it's easier when they get older, but between the ages of 1 and 5 you only really get 'me' time when they're asleep! As lovely as they are you still need some time to yourself!

I actually agree with you that lying on a beach all day every day is boring, I prefer holidays where there's lots to see and do. I used that example because that's one thing I've heard people with kids say they miss.

I'm not completely anti kids, I like to see them and spend time playing with them, but at the same time it's nice to get home and relax. I just can't see how they'd fit in with my life and I don't really care if it is selfish!

zagfles

dirty_magic wrote: »

I get this but if you don't put them to bed early when do you get a break? I know it's easier when they get older, but between the ages of 1 and 5 you only really get 'me' time when they're asleep! As lovely as they are you still need some time to yourself!

Even at that age, just because they're awake doesn't mean we need to do stuff with/for them. Quite often they'd be sat on the floor happily playing with their toys. Plus there's 2 of us, if single parents can cope it should be a breeze for 2 parents! Plus if they go to bed at 9 there's still a couple of hours without them. It was never an issue for us.

I actually agree with you that lying on a beach all day every day is boring, I prefer holidays where there's lots to see and do. I used that example because that's one thing I've heard people with kids say they miss.

I'm not completely anti kids, I like to see them and spend time playing with them, but at the same time it's nice to get home and relax. I just can't see how they'd fit in with my life and I don't really care if it is selfish!

Well exactly. We chose to have kids for purely selfish reasons - we didn't do it because of some patriotic duty to provide the country with a next generation! We did it because we wanted to. The decision should be selfish!