I don't want children - Am I selfish?

PenguinOfDeath

You're not alone, I'm feel the same way.

Why don't other women respect your decision? Usually because you're not confirming to their idea of 'normal' and they can't get their head around the idea not everyone agrees with their normal.

Don't let it bother you, at least you're being honest with yourself, a few women I know at my age are only having children because their partners want to.

trolleyrun

First of all, you're not childless - you are child free.

When I was a teenager, I thought it would be nice to have children. I cured that pretty quickly by being a nanny. I never wanted children since then, and there's no chance on this earth that I'll change my mind. I do quite like some children, but I don't want any myself. When I'm asked if I have any children, my stock reply is "Good grief, no!", which shuts people up

asajj

You aren't alone! I like children, they are cute and fun but I cannot bring myself to think of the responsibility attach caring one.
My only worry is that whether I'd regret this later in life.

moneyistooshorttomention

Old_Git wrote: »

if your mother thought like you, well you wouldn't be here

....and that would matter...why?

If OP wasn't here she wouldn't be here to feel sorry she wasn't here iyswim..

Translate that into if she has a belief system of some description - and she might prefer to be Elsewhere (ie still living in "heaven" instead of having come here for a life on Earth).

Out,_Vile_Jelly

fierystormcloud wrote: »

How do you explain the multiple millions of people who are desperately seeking partners on various contact sites?

I think an awful lot of those are just after sex, and many are probably already in relationships!

What I resent is the assumption that if you were born with a womb you must automatically want to fill that womb with babies and be endlessly fascinated with the products of other people's wombs. If you're female and not maternal people do look at you a bit suspiciously. This is also unfair on the many men who are superb with kids- it's assumed that a woman, any woman must "naturally" be better at it.

I just don't have whatever it is that makes people find babies attractive. Is there some kind of post-partum hormonal change that affects the optical nerve meaning the bald, veiny-eyed, jug-eared, potato-skulled reptilian things become cute? They barely look classifiable as human to me. (note- I don't write this under people's Facebook pics of their offspring!)

[Deleted User]

dirty_magic wrote: »

It's the taking over your whole life part that really puts me off and the need for constant attention. I love going to see my nephews and my friend's kids, but it really does completely take over your life and I don't think I'd have the patience to play with my own kids constantly and answer 200 questions per hour!

I don't understand why people would choose to have kids so they don't have to work, it has to be harder to bring up kids than work 9-5!

This is quite crucial. For those without kids, i don't think they realise just how all-absorbing a job it is to look after them. You do effectively 'loose' the best years of your life to them. However much my little boys wind me up at times, the good still outweighs the bad.

Anyhoo, it's your choice. I don't care if people want or don't want kids! Just don't dis babies - they are cute once in that small gap between them smiling and teething.

Gloomendoom

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I think an awful lot of those are just after sex, and many are probably already in relationships.

I caught an ad for the Planet Rock dating site on the radio the other day. I was pleased to hear them say at the end; "If you're single, go there."

heartbreak_star

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I think an awful lot of those are just after sex, and many are probably already in relationships!

What I resent is the assumption that if you were born with a womb you must automatically want to fill that womb with babies and be endlessly fascinated with the products of other people's wombs. If you're female and not maternal people do look at you a bit suspiciously. This is also unfair on the many men who are superb with kids- it's assumed that a woman, any woman must "naturally" be better at it.

I just don't have whatever it is that makes people find babies attractive. Is there some kind of post-partum hormonal change that affects the optical nerve meaning the bald, veiny-eyed, jug-eared, potato-skulled reptilian things become cute? They barely look classifiable as human to me. (note- I don't write this under people's Facebook pics of their offspring!)

My ex used to say newborns either look like Yoda or Winston Churchill this did make me chuckle though!

FWIW, I'll be 36 in a couple of weeks and I'm child-free by choice. OH feels the same, we have absolutely no interest in reproducing. I've been called selfish as I'm an only child, but my dad died a few years ago and my mum's not bothered about being a grandparents, so really it's nobody's business but mine.

HBS x

[Deleted User]

Somedays I do wish there was some sort of 'childless couples tax' - not money, but time.. so they'd be forced to do a bit of childminding so I could have a lie in/go shopping in peace/watch a film without being interrupted every 3 minutes/not have to go around peppa pig land

bugslet

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I just don't have whatever it is that makes people find babies attractive. Is there some kind of post-partum hormonal change that affects the optical nerve meaning the bald, veiny-eyed, jug-eared, potato-skulled reptilian things become cute? They barely look classifiable as human to me. (note- I don't write this under people's Facebook pics of their offspring!)

I think the same, they all look flipping awful to me. But I tell people that theirs are lovely:).

I'll be 51 next week, never for a nanosecond have I ever wanted a child and I'm grateful that I live in a time when contraception is available to me. Why on earth I would have one when I don't like them just so I've got someone to look after me in old age is a mystery - it might not happen anyway.

Whilst Catapa might argue

Hope you'll not rely on other people's children to care for you and fund your old age benefits.

The reverse is surely that I have been able to spend more time working and therefore contributing to the pot for finances, both personal insurances and society as a whole, than a woman who needs to take time out. That's not a criticism, it's a simple fact that having children means that earnings take a dip, sometimes for years if you miss out on a promotion and/or need to reduce hours. And of course there is less money available to save for old age.

To my mind contribution counts wether you are paying in or bringing up the next generation, it's all part of being in a society and people should just get on and respect others' choices.