I don't want children - Am I selfish?

Anatidaephobia

I don't think this decision could be even remotely selfish, to be honest. As Snakey said, that would be putting your own interests in front of somebody else's and I don't think that anyone else is particularly affected except for your partner and you have already resolved this with him.

Some people just like to judge. I hear people in my work gossiping all the time... "why isn't so and so married yet?" or "why hasn't she got any kids?" or "why is she still single?" etc etc, some people just like speculating on anything they view as being slightly different from the norm but it's honestly not worth concerning yourself with. Others should respect your decision and if they don't then they are the problem not you.

Piggywiggy

It's completely up to you and your partner whether you decide you want children or not, but don't expect the people who already have them to respect that!

Anatidaephobia

Piggywiggy wrote: »

It's completely up to you and your partner whether you decide you want children or not, but don't expect the people who already have them to respect that!

Why should other people even care?

WorkFromHome

amistupid wrote: »

I respect your honesty but do feel a bit sorry for your OH who can't have you and children.

My brother and his wife have been married for over thirty years, they are in their mid fifties and decided from the outset not to have children.

I'm a couple of years older than them and have four children, the eldest in his mid thirties and the youngest in her mid twenties. When my kids were at school, I was quite envious of my brother and his wife; because they had no children, they seemed to have a lot more freedom and much more disposable income. On top of that bringing up children, although very rewarding can be extremely hard work.

However having now retired and just become a granddad, it's at this stage of my life that I'm really feeling the benefits of having children.

I'm sure my brother and his wife are still happy with the decision they made but I can't help feeling that old age will be a little more lonely for them.



If your getting a dog as a substitute child, please remember that dogs are not human. I've know several childless couples who talk to and treat their dogs like they are children and quite frankly it looks absolutely looks ridiculous.

It seems to me that you were jealous of your sibling for many years because of his choices and are assuming that now he is older and childless he will be unhappy because you are happy. That's a little bit unfair on him is it not?

Also don't assume that because I want a dog and not a child that I will treat her/him as human. If I don't want a child then why would I want a substitute? I could easily be child and pet free. I volunteered for The Dogs Trust for several years and have the upmost respect for animals. I have seen puppies dropped off after Christmas because parents have given them to their children as presents which they soon got bored of. I've seen dogs who have been abused and my mum has owned a cross-breed who's tail was cut off by a previous owner. I don't own a dog yet because I am not ready for the commitment nor can I afford to.

WorkFromHome

Piggywiggy wrote: »

It's completely up to you and your partner whether you decide you want children or not, but don't expect the people who already have them to respect that!

I'm sorry? Are you saying you should be able to put me down and disrespect my childlessness because you made a different choice?

heatherw_01

You're not alone, I never want children either

-taff

I have never wanted children, don't understand them, never coo over them, and they're pretty much like an alien species.

I'm afraid the only benefits I could see to having them was someone to look after to you when you're old I prefer dogs and cats...

What used to really annoy me though were the people who would tell me I wasn't a 'real woman' until I had them, or that if I did have them, I would suddenly have an overwhelmeing bond and love for it.....It was damn annoying.

I think it's more selfish to have them and not provide for them, or not look after them, or treat them badly than to not have them and do none of the above.

-taff

Piggywiggy wrote: »

It's completely up to you and your partner whether you decide you want children or not, but don't expect the people who already have them to respect that!

So are childless people by choice allowed to criticise those who have them for using up more and more resources?

Jagraf

amistupid wrote: »

I respect your honesty but do feel a bit sorry for your OH who can't have you and children.

My brother and his wife have been married for over thirty years, they are in their mid fifties and decided from the outset not to have children.

I'm a couple of years older than them and have four children, the eldest in his mid thirties and the youngest in her mid twenties. When my kids were at school, I was quite envious of my brother and his wife; because they had no children, they seemed to have a lot more freedom and much more disposable income. On top of that bringing up children, although very rewarding can be extremely hard work.

However having now retired and just become a granddad, it's at this stage of my life that I'm really feeling the benefits of having children.

I'm sure my brother and his wife are still happy with the decision they made but I can't help feeling that old age will be a little more lonely for them.



I'm not saying you'll be like this but I've know several childless couples who've had dogs as 'substitute children'. They treated them like children and it looked very silly.

We are all different though. I'm somewhere in between, as the thought of having 4 children fills me with dread .

I think its what you do with your life (or good or bad luck) that determines whether you are lonely in old ag. Children are not an insurance policy.

Piggywiggy

WorkFromHome wrote: »

I'm sorry? Are you saying you should be able to put me down and disrespect my childlessness because you made a different choice?

I don't even have children you have taken my comment the wrong way, what I am trying to say is that when people have children they expect everyone else to want them to and struggle to understand you might not want them yourself hence the 'when are you having one?' Question which I myself have been experiencing all too often lately.